Saturday, April 30, 2011

Wedding Photo Dump

I know everyone is dying to see photos from Mrs. Potterbutter Butterchurn and Mr. Snodbottom's wedding!!

Well, I'm still dying to see most of them myself! (Kendall and I ensured that the photographer had a wide angle lens!) BUT- the photographer turned out to be a cold hard b*tch! Because, not only are we prohibited from sharing wedding photos with you on the blog, we also cannot share a photo of the bride and groom!! Some clause on the contract!! Mrs. Potterbutter Butterchurn had no idea- she's plenty peaved on her way to Niagra falls for the honeymoon!

Nonetheless- I have a few photos I took with my disposable camera. Tyler had them developed in the one-hour-photo and then scanned them. I only have a few, because it was the end of the roll (the first half was from last year's office Christmas party- but I look too fat to keep those shots!!!)

First Lady RheAnn (and another bridesmaid) share some bad jokes before the wedding begins

This is how Tyler shows up to the Wedding of the Century! I snapped this pic before I gave him his tuxedo (I picked it up from the dry cleaners just that morning!)

Great great grandchildren of Mrs. Potterbutter Butterchurn.
I tried to talk little Appalonia out of the hat- but she ignored me!

Snodbottom and Potterbutter Butterchurn cake toppers!
Pretty good likeness of them both, if you ask me!

Reception began just before sundown. None of us knew what this was! Turned out to be dough-balls covered in spun sugar. I ate most of it. One of Mrs. Pussybottom's delectable delights!

Did I mention there was an open bar? I got kind of wild with Mr. Snodbottom's niece Francine!

Mr. Snodbottom's groom's cake

Kendall and I spent plenty of time here!
(When we weren't busting sweet moves on the dance floor!)

Just before we left, Tyler snapped this picture of Kendall with his phone. Poor Kendall- he was so overcome with emotion!! (Okay- emotion and Jack Daniels!)

Just Because: Predator Edition

Just because we're all friends: I felt like telling you that I'm watching "Predator" (with not one but TWO ex-governors!)

What's the matter? The FBI got you pushing too many pencils?

I've never seen it- don't give me any spoilers!!

Thursday, April 28, 2011


When you were a 7 year old boy, didn't you just LOVE "Jem"??!?!? I did!! Jem and the Holograms, the evil Misfits, earrings that transformed you into a rock star, purple hair- all the necessary ingredients for a young boy's favorite show!!

For some reason my parents made me stop watching it! They said it was because one of the characters threatened suicide. Perhaps it was because I should have been watching G.I. Joe? Who knows!! I did watch the loin-cloth loving He-Man though!

ANYWAY- "Jem" is coming to the cable network Hub on May 31st! Do you have Hub? It's a channel way out on the outskirts of town. Kind of a quasi-Nick at Nite. They also air "Family Ties" and "Batman" from the 60's (another tights-wearing show I loved at that age).


Perfect for Parties!

So yes, this exists! Someone's prayers have been answered with: Cupcake Vodka! Flavors like Devil's Food, Lemon Chiffon, and FROSTING can now get you drunk!

I wonder if we can get some over-nighted for the BIG WEDDING tomorrow? I think Mrs. Potterbutter Butterchurn would like it if it were cupcake flavored! Oh well- it sounds more appropriate for birthdays anyway.

The only question that remains is: How do I change myself from HUGE FAT SLOB into an XXS Zac Efron-style beach runner? (Notice in the photo above, that Zac actually weighs so little, that he can skip himself over the water like a stone!) How can I transform my blob, er excuse me- my bod, when they keep inventing things that will not only get me fat, but drunk as well?

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Is Netflix Ruining Your Life?

I remember the old days- when I'd spend the summer riding my bike to the old video store at sunset. I'd load up and rent 5 old vhs movies (from the middle of the store- new releases were excluded) for $5 and head home for days of entertainment!!

Okay- I never rode my bike. I was too bloated from Little Debbie cakes. But I did rent lots of non-new movies for cheap and hole up in my bedroom and see if they were worth the buck I'd spent to rent them. Nowadays- we computer types have Netflix streaming- where you can watch so many movies and full series runs of TV shows that someone coined the phrase "Netflix Streaming Syndrome."

Symptoms include:

Insomnia brought on by watching every episode of a compelling series in a row at the expense of getting a good night's sleep.

Anti-social behavior as a result of staying in and making it a "Netflix night" rather than going out in public and seeing other human beings.

Blackouts induced by spending an entire day watching movies back-to-back.

I haven't lost my job from it or anything- but I am currently in the middle of season 4 of "The Larry Sanders Show" and I do really want to get home to watch more!! Does that count? Do I have a light case of Netflix Streaming Syndrome? Is my NSS only offset by my concurrent addiction to Hulu? Speaking of- before I watch more Larry tonight- I have to watch last night's "Glee" (catch the first season streaming on Netflix!) Read more about the (currently fictional) NSS HERE!

Boy, things are different from 200 million years ago when I was a kid!

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Happy Easter!!!

Despite all my rage, I am still just an Easter Bunny in a cage!

Happy Easter to all of you and yours! Hope you woke up to a full basket!

P.S. Thanks to Beadie for the basket!
P.P.S. Saying "Hoppy Easter" is soooo played.

Friday, April 22, 2011

How Time Does Pass

Multi-year recipient of People Magazine's prestigious Sexiest Man Alive award, Richard Gere has morphed into a harrier Larry David. I love you Larry!!!

Leftovers from 4/20

Look, it's Ron Weasley on break from Hogwarts! How best to relax after those stringent O.W.L.'s?!?!

By "smoking the bong" as Kendall would say! Don't be deceived, this might not even be illegal- it could be salvia or he could have a medical marijuana prescription! But does anyone even care anymore? I like the rumor that this was taken at a big reefer-smokin' after party for the Harry Potter movies!! I wonder if there's a spell to make you aware?

I bet they binged on pumpkin pasties and chocolate frogs afterwards!!!!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

It's 4/20 Somewhere, Right?

Subtitle this post: Stars Cliff and Kendall Should Get to Know! Just kidding, as Mr. Snodbottom just reminded me, Cliff and Kendall would never advocate illegal drug use, but it is the counter-culture "holiday" known as 4/20 which "celebrates" weed smokage.

So if you're aware, stoned, or "high" as Woody Harrelson might say, you may want to click HERE to read all about the Hollywood heavy hitters that heavily hit the bong now and then. Some surprises are in there! For one, look at Brad and Jen down there- don't they look happy? Know why? They're high as two hot and sexy kites!!

More surpisingly tokey celebs (or at least those who have admitted to passing a j "in the past": Natalie Portman, Whoopi, my high school heart-throb Justin Timberlake, and (!!!!) the lady herself, Ms. Barbra Streisand! In fact, in the 60's when she was a twenty something playing Vegas, she'd often light up on stage and share with the band. No doubt this was to calm her infamous "stage jitters."

Well, whether you've got stage fright or are just really in the mood to enjoy this week's Cliff and Kendall episode (seriously, my assistant Tyler says he can only listen to the show aware!)- you may as well toke up! It's 365 days until the next 4/20!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Attn: Obese Folks on Campus

Dear Obese People on Campus,

Or anyone else who feels like the world's fattest salmon swimming upstream). Look! There it is! It's getting closer every second. What is it? Why, it's the light at the end of this tunnel you thought would never end!

Even though you may have 1,000 things left to do (or just 4 things that seem entirely undoable) remember this: YOU CAN SURVIVE!! No matter what- THIS will END!!! In short order this will be OVER.

You may be barely breathin' but you're not dead, no. Tomorrow's another day, you should NOT BE AFRAID!

The light, it's almost visible- if you squint really hard- and it's . . . beautiful . . . as pretty as little Zac Efron's eyes . . . and you are moving towards it, even if you feel like two giant hands are smashing you into the pavement . . . you are moving towards the LIGHT!!!!


Cliff and Kendall: Coast 2 Coast

Friday, April 15, 2011

Make Today Magical!

Today, you should take advantage of the rain (it must be raining wherever you are!) and snuggle up inside your invisibility cloak to watch "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part One"!

I just hope I can make it through the . . . Dobby . . . portions of the movie!

I can't wait for July 15th (Part Two!)

UPDATE: I didn't make it! I wept for Dobby . . . again!! TOO SAD!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Movie Misconceptions

Just how wrong are you about movies? Click HERE and find out! I'm just glad that someone is clearing up the misconception that "Superman Returns" was a bomb- not only did it make more $$ than "Batman Begins"- it was a much better movie with a much hotter star!!! There, I said it!

Other misconceptions debunked:

"A Christmas Story" was an instant classic.
Traditionally drawn animation is not as profitable as CGI.
A "Cliff and Kendall" movie would be cost prohibitive based on the catering budget alone.

Well, that last one's probably true.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Look What's on DVD!

Oh Ted- I'm still in love with you!! "Hey Dude" the Nickelodeon show that ran in my youth (and your's?) is finally coming to DVD!

What happened to the days when kids were entertained by an ethnically diverse group of teens working on a dude ranch? These days it's all superstar tweens hiding in plain sight and seizure cartoons! Don't they see how dreamy Ted was?

If you're not in it for Ted (I don't understand you), but you might like the fact that it also stars Marcia Brady from the Brady movies and some butch gal who must have been related to Jo from "The Facts of Life." Oh! And a real live Native American! (He provided the ethnic diversity). At least this is what I can recall from my days as an 8 year old hopped up on Little Debbies watching Nickelodeon. Don't quote me!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

James Franco on Letterman

PLEEEEEZE click HERE to watch the interview James Franco recently gave to David Letterman! It's 15 minutes in heaven!!!!

They commiserate about being "failed" Oscar hosts, and well- they look like they like each other so much- I just want to be their pal!!!

James, Dave, can we get a table for three?

Friday, April 1, 2011

Zac's April Fools Day Joke

AHAHAHHA! (that's me laughing).

Zac wants us to think he eats! In an elaborately staged prank, Zac Efron allowed himself to be photographed court-side at a basketball game, appearing to eat!! Good one, Zac! But we all know you spend 25 hours a day in the gym.

There are so many things wrong with the photo. First of all, who eats something with a fork at a basketball game? Unless he smuggled in a nice wedge salad- I ain't buyin' it! And just look at his fellow pranksman. The guy beside him is clearly thinking, "America will never fall for an April Fools Day prank this flimsy! Skinny, hot people eating? I don't think so!" It would be like posting a picture of Cliff and Kendall pumping iron! Oh, dammit! That would have been a perfect prank!

Better luck next April 1st, Zac!

No Foolin'! James & Jake News

So I was trying to find some kind of April Fool's Day thing to post. I came up empty! I even went to the Fox news website, you know- so I could link to something awful there as a joke. I felt sick just browsing their headlines. Sooo . . .

In other real happy news:

My husband Jake Gyllenhaal has a movie coming out today!! ("Source Code"). And I swear I'm going this weekend! Don't tell him, but I still haven't seen "Love and Other Drugs," but it's at the top of my Netflix (with a very long wait). I never made it to the theater for that one. I felt too fat.

Speaking of feeling fat, I sure do when I look at my manstress James Franco! He'll be on Letterman tonight- and you (or I) don't want to miss it, as he's talking about his hosting of the Oscars! (A preview clip can be seen HERE). And Speaking of the artist known as Franco: He'll be delivered into my mailbox today via another movie I always felt too fat to see: "127 Hours"! So shortly I will be enjoying James/cringing/turning away as I watch his Oscar nominated turn as that guy who cut his own arm off.

Happy April Fool's Day!