Monday, June 29, 2009

But wait, there's more!

The world has lost a lot of celebrities this month. Farah Fawcett, Ed Mcmahon, Michael Jackson, and now Billy Mays. You will all be missed.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

New Show from Vegas!

This week Cliff and Kendall go to Vegas. It’s sure to be quite an adventure. With bad jokes from a casino, a drag queen parade, Cliff and Kendall in the kitchen (7 Eleven), and Media Minuet from the lobby of the Wayne Newton Show!!!!

it's time for a Cliff and Kendall cartoon!

(click for larger)

it's time for a Cliff and Kendall cartoon!

(click for larger)

Rosie Follows Our Footsteps!

This fall the much beloved former talk show host is taking to the air waves! Rosie is getting her own 2 hour daily XM (or Sirius, or are they the same now?) radio show to be broadcast from her own home! And it's a call-in show (Kendall's dream!). Now Rosie, seeing as you are heading for a place where we have already trod, here is our advice to make your radio show as enjoyable as our podcast:

1. Don't be afraid of SASS with 3 capital S's!! We know you've got in you, girl- now unleash it! I think you can handle this one in your sleep!

2. Belch on the air!

3. Get a dinger to ring each time you belch right into the microphone- this could be tricky as I am the one who belches and Kendall is the one who dings, but I bet you could get a producer to ding for you. Or you could ding when the producer belches! Don't be afraid of switching things up!

4. Meet Little Johnny.

5. Avoid cowbell.

6. SING! We do all the time, and you could probably even afford to pay the copyright costs of the songs you sing- so don't be afraid to belt out a little John Denver each time your sad music starts to play.

7. See if Bette Midler is available to be the "Prude" to your "Crude"- or switch it up like Betty White and Rue McClanahan did when they were first cast as the Golden Girls. Keep 'em guessing!

8. Did we mention the K.I.S.S. model of on-air broadcasting? Keep It Sassy Stupid! Never fails!

9. Get a team of writers working on your Christmas special.

10. Few people are more liberally opinionated than us- but YOU might be! Let those far-left attitudes fly! Verbally (or print out a picture and literally) shit on the Bill O'Reillys and Hannitys of the world! They need it- and we need you to do it!

11. Learn more slang vagina terms- you won't believe how they come in handy!

12. I know you have recently given up the booze, and I respect your decision (although I don't know if I could go on the air without knockin' back a few . . .) so in the absence of six MGD 64's, let me suggest you allow Starbucks to open a new store in your hallway. Artificial stimulation lets the sass flow! (Just have a lot of funny commercials stored up for the many bathroom breaks you will need.)

13. Perhaps you dream of being Terry Gross, or hosting your own version of Marketplace, or The Splendid Table- whatever your dream, it's never too soon to rip off your favorite NPR program. It does take a while to get them right (See: our first Home Companion and This American Life "homages") but when you do, baby, "This American Rosie" is gonna be off the hook!

14. When all else fails, heap blame on the Pope!

15. Finally, just be yourself! And can I add- make your show available for download somehow- for those of us without satellite radio, pretty please?

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Cliff and Kendall Merchandise now avaliable!

You know you want this Cliff and Kendall brand thong! Check this out for lots more merchandise from the empire that is Cliff and Kendall!

If you didn't get your fill yesterday . . .

of the wonderful Meryl Streep- head on over HERE and read a fantastic list of 60 ways to celebrate the amazing Ms. Streep.

Did we Mention: New Show! (?)

Well- we've got one! It's called "Live! from the Unemployment Line" and it's been up since Friday. We're just too unemployed and depressed to have told you.

Join us as we (very sassily, mind you) talk about the new non-working class and dissect just how this sassy economy has affected your beloved obese co-hosts.

Also- we perk up with some Bad Jokes, Things You Should Know, and an etiquette tip all about surviving this HOT SUMMER WEATHER!!

So grab your hobo wine and sidle up beside us for some fun!

Monday, June 22, 2009

Happy Birthday to the Greatest Living Actress

Meryl Streep turns 60 today!! Have fun blowin' out them candles, girl! We know you will do it with style and somehow turn it into art! We'd watch you give the young girls hell, be a doubtful nun, belt out some Abba on the beach, or even read the phonebook!!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

South Pasadena Transit Authority

Thought our listeners might get a kick out of seeking me playing in my Chicago tribute band. I'm the fat one with the trumpet and receding hair line.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Madonna and (another) Child!

Congratulations to Madonna- on Friday the courts of Malawi granted her adoption of 3 year old Mercy.  

The tot will be taken from the orphanage she's been living in to Mama Warbucks' home soon- if she hasn't already. The sun came out for this little girl today- what a great thing!

Saturday, June 13, 2009

New Show: June Awareness Month!

Download our new episode to find out all the things you should be AWARE of this month! 

No spoilers- but you might get one hint from the photo above! Also included this show:

-an especially SASSY "Dear Cliff and Kendall"
-Weird News!
-Bad Jokes (Lookout for Little Johnny!)
-and much much more!!! 

Do it Chastity!

Chastity Bono (daughter of Sonny and Cher) is becoming a man! Though she is late for a Bar Mitzvah the celeb-kiddo has begun the transformation from female to male.

Go on Chastity! Now known as Chaz- he is an inspiration to all those who hope and wish to simply be themselves and feel good inside their own skin. God bless 'em!!

And you know what we say: Fuck all those who think they know what's best for other people!

God Bless us EveryONE!!

Thursday, June 11, 2009


Hey there everyone. I just became an ordained minister care of the internet so I am now available for weddings! -Kendall

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

There is Still Hope for Us!



Actor Jeff Cohen played the role of Chum in the 1985 film "Goonies." Now did anyone think he would grow up to look like this? There is still hope for us!

Friday, June 5, 2009

If You're in the Los Angeles Area . . .

Head on down to the Greek theater tonight where you can catch Kendall in the third row seeing our mentor Garrison Keillor do a live recording of "A Prairie Home Companion." You'll be amazed how closely his shows hews to Cliff and Kendall's Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas Home Companions! Special guests include Sheryl Crow, Martin Sheen, and k.d. lang.

Also, don't be surprised if Kendall is asked to join the stars on stage for a special round of 'Bad Jokes'!

If You're in the New York Area . . .

Pretend you are me (Cliff) and mosey on down to the Sunshine cinemas on Houston at midnight tonight or tomorrow and buy yourself a ticket to "The Great Muppet Caper." I'll be the one crying in the corner down here in dixieland. But I swear to you, dear reader, that I am not the English Patient and the Sunshine is not Kristin Scott Thomas left alone in the cave. I am coming back for you!! Do you get me?

Whether you do or not, you'll want to return in a few weeks when the play "Casablanca."

Thursday, June 4, 2009

For Kendall

This is why Kendall and I are the way we are. It's also the reason Kendall believed he was a mannequin in the story his mother told on our Mother's Day episode. Come- experience intense deja vu with us, won't you??