2014 Excellence Award: Best Music

Only minutes before the year ended, Madonna was forced to release 6 songs from her upcoming album due to the acts of some heinous hackers. Luckily for all involved the six songs were better than any other songs released in 2014 and so they captured the Excellence Award at the last second! 

I also want to go ahead an pre-give the 2015 Excellence Award for Best Album to Madonna's "Rebel Heart" (since its win is obvious already). Pre-order now and get 6 tracks! I only wish the physical cd were out already so I could do a signing at Hanky's Books and Bait! #unapologeticbitch #livingforlove #bitchimmadonna 

Elvira in Best Video Since "Vogue"

I hope I embedded the player correctly above, because the Mistress of the Dark herself ELVIRA is in the new Ryan Adams video called "Gimme Something Good." And it's good! I say it's the best video since "Vogue" simply because it is the EXACT video I would make if the record industry ever healed enough to offer me a recording contract (except with me in it and not Ryan Adams).

Finally: You Can Hear Cliff and Kendall's Greatest Hits

When a bro-host with perfect pitch can't even get a record deal, you know the music industry's in the toilet! But in classic Cliff and Kendall fashion we're skirting the issue and doing it our way! (Our way: while eating).

You can listen HERE to a playlist consisting of Cliff and Kendall's Greatest Hits! Twenty-five years ago, we'd have had a commercial with a list of the hits scrolling by. To recreate that, move your head up and down as you read the songs you can hear with just one click to HERE:

We Can't Make You Listen

Ol' Hillbilly Willy

Born This Fat

We Stuff Ourselves

It's Too Late (from Hillbilly Willy Returns)

Perfect Pitch

Bringing SassyBack

Take That Pope

and MORE! 

Instead of check, money order, or COD, you can just click HERE and I'm pretty sure you can listen to some awesome "hits"*! Not available on record, 8-track, cassette, compact disc, mini-compact disc, or laser brain-wave.

*The usage of the word "hit" in this post does not imply anyone other than the artists involved ever cared about these songs. 

Material Bowl

For the first time since Cher sang the national anthem at 1999's Super Bowl, gay Americans may have a reason to tune in!! According to THIS article- Madonna has been signed to perform the half-time show!

It will be surreal for Kendall, knowing that I'm also tuned into the Super Bowl! Although, let's get real- I'm watching Madonna and then switching the station. Screw "watching it for the commercials"- fuck commercials.

Also- don't forget to download our Road Rage episode from itunes! And coming this Friday, it's Episode 206: Ways to Die!!

Lady GaGa on Howard Stern

If you've got an hour and a half to kill, why not settle down with a nice cup of liquid and enjoy THIS clip from the Howard Stern radio show. It's Lady GaGa's long awaited sit-down with the King of Crude!

It's actually pretty great hearing LG talk so candidly about pretty much everything. She's just like Cliff and Kendall- AN ARTIST! She (and we) care not for the money! We do it for the love of our fans!!!! Our SO MANY fans!! There really are just too many to count! I choose to believe I couldn't count them if I tried!

She also plays some great acoustic versions of The Edge of Glory and Hair from her new album. If you've got 88+ minutes, or some portion thereof, why not listen? Ask yourself, "Why not?"

Merry Gay Christmas!

That's right- unwrap the greatest Gay-Xmas gift of all: Lady GaGa's BORN THIS WAY! Available today on itunes- what are you waiting for?

****Download the album in full on MP3 from Amazon today for ONLY 99 cents!!!!

Case of the Mondays?

Me too. Oh well, at least we're in good company! But before we go face plant into a tray of lasagna, you may want to check out:

Lady GaGa's "Born This Way" video can be seen HERE. She gives birth on other planets. Need any more enticement? Didn't think so.

While some may be heaping abuse on him, I think James Franco seemed just stoned enough to host the Oscars. (I don't think he was stoned, but I found it charming that he seemed that way). I also found Anne Hathaway likable and plenty peppy enough to help me enjoy the journey through the last million years of Hollywood.

Our manstress also kindly documented his entire experience HERE. On the whole, the show was kind of boring (which helps it blend into every other Oscar night ever), the movie montage at the beginning was fun, the duo's monologue was admittedly painful, but everything after the (also painful) Kirk Douglas/Melissa Leo segment was pleasant enough. Well, the song & dance & drag thing was a clunker too. But the rest of the night I liked!

DEAR GOD HOW

All we want to do with this blog is spread LIGHT into this dark world, but I must share one feeling with you! The feeling is a question: Is Taylor Swift's vagina lined with cocaine? That's the only explanation I can find for her dating these super hunky guys! First, my husband Jake Gyllenhaal succumbs to her spells and now Sam from "Glee"?

HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?? I previously had nothing against the little fragile waif, but now I have to admit she looks like a human version of a Chippette without the charm or sex appeal!

Now back to positivity and light and togetherness!

America Loves a Potty Mouth

If you quickly glance at this week's top 10 singles on the Billboard 100, you might notice something pretty fucking weird! Three of them have one really fuckin' awful word in their title: that's right: Fuck.

While Lady GaGa reigns supreme with her empowerment anthem "Born This Way," the three not so nice songs are #2's "Fuck You (Forget You)" by Cee Lo and Gwyneth, at #6 we've got Pink's "Fuckin' Perfect," and to raunchily round out our threesome? Enrique Iglesias sings his plans for this evening: "Tonight I'm Fuckin' You" at #9.

Does anybody have some fucking soap to wash these mouths out with? Not even to mention Rihanna's entry at #7 with "S & M"- she sings:

Cause I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it
Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But chains and whips excite me

Chains and whips?!?! At least there's a little bit of wholesome with lil' baby Biebster at #8 with "Never Say Never." (Unless that's about how he'll never say never to some weird gerbil thing, which it could be, becasue I haven't heard it).

Oscar, Please Let Franco Sing Cher

You must follow THIS link to hear James Franco rehearse Cher's should-have-been-nominated-for-an-Oscar-song "You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from last year's Burlesque. While this proves there really is nothing James Franco cannot do, it also lets us down easy. He disappointedly tweeted that the number was cut from the Oscar broadcast.

Which brings me to another point- yes, Burlesque was maybe not "great cinema" or even remotely Oscar-worthy, but the song itself is really very good. And could Burlesque have been any worse than the much maligned Gwyneth Paltrow should-have-been-made-for-CMT Country Strong? Doubt it. But Gwyneth has been singing her way through every television show for a few months now, and so Oscar only followed suit by nominating her song so she could sing yet again on TV. Personally, I'll wait until she's back on Glee. Don't forget to listen to my manstress' song above!

*P.S. Our Oscar party show comes out this Friday!

Lady GaGa Post 2/14/2011

If you're like us and can't get enough Lady GaGa, you can click HERE to watch her entire interview from last night's "60 Minutes." (Plus some bonus behind the scenes with she and host Anderson Cooper!) More Behind the scenes HERE inlcudling Andy Cooper and GaGa boozing it up!

Secondly, if you missed the performance of her amazing new single, you can head HERE.

Thirdly, you do realize that Cliff and Kendall are the Lady GaGa's of podcasting, right? We're outsiders who are living our art! We are in outer space egg-pods right now, gearing up for this week's show! It's tough to gather Bad Jokes from inside an outer space egg-pod, but for our ART and our Listeners- there's nothing we won't do!

It's Coming!

6 am tomorrow morning to be precise! Lady GaGa's hotly anticipated new single- I can't wait!!!!!!!!!

UPDATE: Listen HERE!!!

Off Topic: Romance

I generally like my love songs to be stories sung by Dolly Parton about adulterous hill-people that resort to witchcraft, BUT I have to say this song ("Marry You") is the single most romantic song I have ever heard.

I wept when the New Directions sang it at Kurt's Dad's and Finn's Mom's wedding!!!!!!!!!! And I don't cry at romantic things!

Is it because my heart is made of ice, that in these winter months, its thoughts turn to love? I think, yes.

Browse Longer!

Itunes is about to TRIPLE the length of its song previews- allowing you to hear 90 seconds of a song instead of the current 30.

That's all- but it is November, so be THANKFUL for that extra minute!

Hang Up Your Stocking

I know it's a few days until Halloween, but HERE are the details of the 'Glee' Christmas album!!!! Can't wait!! (Beware there are potential spoilers, but they're not incredibly spoilery. Meaning you might learn the name of the actor playing Kurt's boyfriend).

Uh Oh- He's Gonna Sing!

Madonna's boyfriend Jesus who is not only 22 and very godlike in the looks department- is also a crooner!! He was signed by Warner Bros. (?- correct me if I'm wrong. I dare you.)

He's set to release his first single which may be called "We Come From Light" sometime this spring! I bet he had some help from someone we all know and idolize- Her Madgesty! If they duet let's hope it's as good as her collaboration with Ricky Martin "Be Careful with My Heart (Cuidado Mi Corazon)" which is actually amazing.

I just love Madonna's bagel boy! Read more HERE.

The Guy Behind Her Was Probably Angry!

I just love that this is how Lady Gaga SAT IN THE AUDIENCE at the Grammy's! There is no stopping her!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!

Here's the Muppets singing "Bohemian Rhapsody" which has nothing to do with today except being thankful for their continued existence!

Love it

What did I ever do to Jay-Z and Alicia Keys that they teamed up to torture me with this song about my hometown of NYC? It's working Hova!! I gots to get back.

Crying Over Xmas Songs Already!

Disregard the video if you can- but this song gets me! "Santa will find you" indeed! It's Mindy Smith from her Christmas album (which I think is called 'My Holiday')

"It's the time and the season to bring loved ones together, 

never let distance keep you apart
With the spirit of Christmas 

you'll never be lost if you truly believe in your heart . . ."

Sentimental!

(P.S. find the other song that's had me in tears on facebook.com/cliffandkendall)