Thursday, March 31, 2011

Pres Pics!

Bill Murray is finally answering the prayers of fans all over the world! No- he still hasn't read the script for "Ghostbusters 3"- BUT he's going to play everyone's favorite new dealer: FDR!

The resemblance is actually pretty close. And I'm sure there are Oscars and accolades awaiting the "Caddyshack" star. BUT, you know whose biopic I really want to see? Calvin Coolidge! But who is perfect for that role?

**P.S. Admit it, you didn't have a clue what Calvin Coolidge looked like!

Cliff & Kendall Babies Pt. 2!

This chubby 3 year old from China weighs 132 lbs! Cliff and Kendall were at least four and a half when they hit that mark on the scale!

Seriously, this (like Cliff and Kendall's own obesity) is sad. The 3 year old's parents say he can eat 3 bowls of rice in one sitting, and he cries nonstop if he doesn't get enough food! Sounds familiar!

Read more HERE. Hope he gets some help!

Cliff & Kendall Babies!

This young child is the star of the new kids' series "Cliff & Kendall Babies"! A group of spunky obese children get together at a bakery each week and discuss their extreme food addictions!

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The Kitchen Should Be Closed!

If you're like Cliff and Kendall (or the baby in that photo) and can't shut your pie-hole when it's late at night and you should be sleeping or resting or doing anything other than eating your 47th handful of peanuts, then you might want to click HERE. They've got a nice list of ways you can distract yourself from the voice in your head that says "who cares how fat I get!"

The reason for late-night snacking that rings truest to me is:

"Off-limits thinking
The psychological nature of "dieting" prompts you to feel that late-night eating is taboo which, in turn, creates "off limits" thinking. Sometimes when we tell ourselves we can't have something, we end up wanting it all the more. "

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Oh Shit!

The end is near!

New Episode: The $#!+ Show

As Bonus Month draws to a close, we've got one last bonus show for you today! And it's all about . . . uh . . . pooping. Well- not ALL ABOUT, but that's the theme as we explore the health of your bowels as well as some hilarious #2 stories!!

Worry not, ye faint of stomach! We've also got Bad Jokes, Stoooopid Questions, and that old favorite "Three Star Theater" makes a comeback!

Sit down and join us! Up now on itunes and here on the blog.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

RIP Elizabeth Taylor

1932 - 2011
Read more HERE.

10 Fattest States!

Of course coming in at #3 is Cliff and Kendall's birthplace: Tennessee!!! TN was at #2 previously but when Kendall moved to L.A. it dropped.

Just how fat is America? VERY! Here's the full top 10:

1. Mississippi: 35.4 percent
2. Louisiana: 33.9 Percent
3. Tennessee: 32.9 Percent
4. Kentucky: 32.4 Percent
5. Oklahoma: 32 Percent
6. West Virginia: 31.7 Percent
7. Alabama: 31.6 Percent
8. Arkansas: 31.5 Percent
9. Missouri: 30.6 Percent
10. Michigan & South Dakota: 30.3 Percent

Whoa Daddy! Cliff and Kendall are attempting a "weight loss journey"- won't you join us?

P.S. Is it just me, or do you not see skinny people everywhere?!? I read all these fat studies and I know I'm part of the problem (as is my common-law wife, the Dairy Queen), but all I see are skinny people everywhere! Is it just that skinny folks draw our eyes? And maybe our eyes bounce off of the obese Cliff and Kendalls of the world?

Monday, March 21, 2011

Drinks Gone By

Anyone remember this Pepsi drink? From 2007-ish? I loved to drink one in the afternoon as I worked in a law office. It was Pepsi Caramel something. Diet! Delicious! Discontinued!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Internet, Don't Scare Me!

I'm fat and thus probably have a weak heart!!!! Headlines like this (Jake Gyllenhaal Left Battered and Bruised!) make me think Jake was in a terrible accident! Remember when Madonna fell off a horse- I nearly died!!!! Just know- Jake Gyllenhaal is healthy enough to do promotion for his new movie "Source Code." (Which you should go see on April 1st)

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Kathy's Playbill Bio

Please click HERE to read Kathy's bio from her playbill for her one-funny-lady production: "Kathy Wants a Tony." A brief excerpt:

KATHY GRIFFIN (Kathy Griffin) is thrilled to be performing at the storied and absolutely haunted Belasco Theater, where she has already told legendary stage impresario David Belasco’s ghost, in no uncertain terms, to “Suck it.” Ms. Griffin is especially excited to be reprising the role of Kathy Griffin after spending four years as Kathie Lee Gifford in a touring company of Ms. Gifford’s one-woman musical jamboree, Jesus Is My Homeboy. . .

Monday, March 14, 2011

Let This Inspire You

. . . to exercise, to eat right, to mold your own body into God's perfect creation the way this fellow has done.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Morning Workout?

Even fat people like me who cannot workout in the morning unless I get up at 4 o'fucking'clock know that morning workouts are great! Click HERE to read some tips about how to get up and get moving in the wee small hours of the morning.


Turn on the lights!
Announce you're about to work out to Facebook or twitter!
Eat a snack (my favorite tip)

First Lady Update

In case you were wondering, our First Lady of Podcasting- RheAnn- is alive and well in Japan! She is about three hours away from the nuclear site that is now frightening everyone. If you ask us, Japan is lucky she's there! She'll be able to do what she does best: help people. (It's her favorite part of the job, too). For more info from C&K's First Lady, you can click HERE for her own blog.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Strange Weather We're Having, Isn't It?

It may be March everywhere else, but it's currently Christmas in my blender.

Fat Man Breaks Furniture

FYI: Sometimes when you are fat, and sit in a chair, this happens.

Is the Universe Fair? Does God Care?

If I wore this outfit I would be stoned to death. And yet! This skinny, beautiful man can wear (and probably has worn) a potato sack- an honest to God potato sack- and people would throw themselves at him!

**P.S. I'm sorry- but sometimes the soul just cries out!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Share Our Joy!

Pardon us, but once in a while we like to pull the veil and shine the spotlight on someone who works behind the scenes here at "Cliff and Kendall: Coast 2 Coast." And today we'd like to congratulate the producer of our podcast, Mr. Snodbottom, for being named the Man of the Year by the Irritable Bowel Gazette!

Congratulations, sir! You deserve the award for showing us all that one afflicted with IBS can still live a life of dignity and prudence!

Happy Int'l Women's Day!

Happy International Women's Day! Did you know that this is the 100 year anniversary of the day? IT IS! You can learn more HERE. Above see a small sampling of our favorite women, talented, inspirational, and worthy of your adoration!!

Here's to the Ladies!!!!!

UPDATE: More of our favorite gals!

Like Christmas in March

Look what a nice elf gave to me! THIRTY-EIGHT Fiber One brownies!!! Guess how many are left?!?

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Life in Outer Space!

Yes- they found it! According to THIS scientists have discovered evidence of fossils inside meteorites that crashed into earth or something!! Do you understand what this means? We are not alone!!! So, like, any minute there will be furry and hilarious aliens moving in with us (hide your cats) and probably sexy and super strong aliens coming to protect us from ourselves!

That or they'll enslave/kill us, and all I can say to that is: I welcome our new alien overlords!

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Rock Me Sexy Edgar!

This fall there will be a television show about troubled master of the macabre Edgar Allan Poe- and he'll be dead sexy! Look at the photos above and try and figure out which one is the real author of "The Raven"! You might not be able to do it, they're such dead ringers!! (Notice how I'm saying dead a lot?- Cuz it's Edgar Allan Poe!)

In keeping with this trend of ultra-realistic casting, allow me to make the following casting suggestions for a proposed series based around troubled masters of morbid obesity Cliff and Kendall:

Which are the actors and which are the real people!??! Who is playing Cliff and who is playing Kendall!?!? Your move, Hollywood!


Can we agree that whatever happened at the Oscars last week- NO LONGER MATTERS!?! I'm not even talking about the winners or losers, but the endless bashing of Anne Hathaway and James Franco? Yes, their monologue sucked, but I bet they didn't even write it!! There are teachers unions being raped, countries in the middle of uprisings, Republicans mad with power, and continued genocide in Darfur!!!

Feel free to quote my direct letter to Hollywood:

Dear Hollywood,


Cliff and Kendall

And I will go one step further! I will start a campaign to let us host next year's Oscars!! We'll show them what bad hosting is all about! Wait 'til we belch in Meryl Streep's face! Then we'll see who the worst hosts ever are!

Friday, March 4, 2011

New Show: Comedy Bailout!

America needs a laff!!! In this time of Old Glory's need, we come out swinging! We've got an overdose level of Bad Jokes, the world funniest segment: "What the Kidz R Saying" and a guffaw inducing "Journey to Busheltown"! On iTunes now!

SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: You may bust a gut, lung, or other body part while laughing! Extreme dehydration may also occur if you are prone to crying during laughter. Drink 6-8 glasses of water during the show and surround yourself with pillows. You might want to hook yourself up to an IV for vital fluids and listen from inside a rubber room.

Happy Birthday Catherine O'Hara!

One of our other favorite funny ladies- Catherine O'Hara turns 57 today! She's hilarious and the standout in many of Christopher Guest's films, as well as being memorable from SCTV, she's also: oh yeah, never forget she's the mom from "Home Alone"! Why dontcha eat some damn cake for her, okay?

Hi Hoes!

Click HERE and you can read a semi-exhaustive guide to Disney's fifty full-length animated films. Did you know that "Snow White" still ranks with the Top 10 highest grossing films when adjusted for inflation? Above "Avatar" and 5/6 of the "Star Wars" movies? I did! Cuz I read that thing that I linked to!

And You Have the Key!

I am bigger than anything that can happen to me. All these things, sorrow, misfortune, and suffering, are outside my door. I am in the house and I have the key. - Charlie Fletcher Lummis