Thursday, December 29, 2011

Birthdays Are Special

As a teenager I baked birthday cakes for the likes of Madonna, Rosie O'Donnell, Kathie Lee Gifford, and Cher. (It was kind of like sending up a burnt offering, but instead you got to eat it with ice cream). Now, as an adult I must make due "wishing" happy birthday to celebrities via this blog. Sunrise, sunset.

Anyway- I missed a few birthdays this month!! Up top, see Britney Spears celebrate a birthday- only a few weeks ago she celebrated turning 30! Hopefully she took advantage of both 30th birthday episodes we recorded this year, and eased herself into middle age along with us. Only 10 days ago the world's Gyllenhaaliest Jake turned 31!! So much older than me. It's much more appropriate to lust after celebrities that are older than you.

In case I forget in January, allow me to preemptively wish Happy Cakeday to another older celebrity (and my first love) Justin Timberlake, also turning 31!

Also in January: Living legend (and Patron Saint of ME) Dolly Parton turns 66! Salute her!

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

For the Fiber Lovers

I just found out that South Park Christmas episodes are all about Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo. I will be on the look out because:

Sometimes he's nutty
Sometimes he's corny
He can be brown or greenish brown
But if you eat fiber on Christmas eve
He might come to your town!

I've Seen the Future and It Will Be

I had a sudden moment when my life flashed in front of my eyes. And all I can say to describe it is: Imagine Uncle Fester, but he's dressed as Santa Claus, but he's too fat and gets stuck in the chimney. It's not only a bit from the Addams Family Christmas episode. It is a metaphor for my life.

For the Record

My new second favorite prison warden on television is Craig T. Nelson as the bumbling man who needs (My Name is) Earl to help him out constantly during Earl's stint in the pokey. Above find the warden and Earl at the Prison Prom. Hey, if they can have a Hospital Prom- what can't they do??!

Of course my first favorite TV warden is still James Lipton from "Arrested Development." IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Pee-wee's Gift to You!

As a special Christmas gift to all his pals, Pee-wee Herman is streaming his Christmas special on his website for free! I'm guessing it's through the day itself, but who knows. Regardless! You should avail yourself of this opportunity!

Pee-wee's Playhouse Christmas Special is probably THE BEST Christmas special ever. Definitely the best "variety" special of all time. There are so many favorite parts, I simply can't count them!

So- I won't try. But I'll say: fruitcakes, Cher, and Grace Jones accidentally being delivered to the Playhouse in a huge wooden crate. (Okay, I guess I sort of tried- but there are so many more!) Countless guest stars (Oprah, Whoopi, Magic Johnson, Charro, Dinah Shore, et al) and your old compatriots Miss Yvonne, Cowboy Curtis, Cool Cat, Chicky Baby, and the Puppet Band.

*Have I mentioned how good this is and how you should watch it?

Saturday, December 3, 2011

What People's?

So I was innocently voting for the People's Choice Awards (you can too- HERE!), when I noticed a mistake in their nominations. When they came up with nominees for the People's Favorite Movie Icon- they forgot an entire gender existed! These aren't the Male Icons- these are the only icons. They couldn't come up with one woman? It must have taken them weeks to come up with Morgan Freeman.
Here are a few ladies that are deserving of at least being nominated for People's Icon! C'mon, at least a few of them are undeniable.

But, if they forgot the ladies in that category they must have tried to make up for it with Favorite Pop Star.

So if you want to exercise your rights as an American People- vote in these awards! Only one bit of advice- try and find some way to write in "Body of Proof" for People's Drama!

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Happy Birthday Bette!

Happy birthday to the person that each episode of Cliff and Kendall is secretly dedicated to: Bette Midler!

She's turning 66 today- 66??!? God! It seems like only yesterday she was 56! Mortality noooooooooooo . . . don't take Bette!!!! Let's age someone else okay?!?!?