Thursday, December 31, 2009

Happy New Year, Bitches!!

Well, Cliff is in New York and I am in LA with Susan celebrating the new years. We may be far apart, but we're both drinking. Happy new years to everyone and here's hoping that 2010 will be a very sassy Cliff and Kendall Coast to Coast filled year.

Also, our apologies for the issues with the "Cliff and Kendall Zone" download. We will try to have it fixed in the next couple of days or have a separate link that you can download it even when the new episode goes up. Everyone stay safe out there and remember the most important key to a safe new year. No matter how much you've had to drink, if your thinking about driving, make sure your listening to Cliff and Kendall on your radio.

HAPPY NEW DISCO STICK! (This post was edited by Cliff a lil later)

Thursday, December 24, 2009

1st Day of Cliff and Kendall Blog

Merry Christmas everyone!!!  Your last gift of the Cliff and Kendall blog is LOVE.  Is this a cop-out? On Christmas Eve- No, it's not. 

From all of us (our many, many employees and subsidiaries) at Cliff and Kendall Coast to Coast Studios- Have a very Merry Christmas and we wish you nothing but the happiest of new years!!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Zack Attack

I always wanted so badly to look like Zack Morris, especially when he worked at the Malibu Sands. I wish I had a river, to skate away on . . .

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

2nd Day of Cliff and Kendall Blog!!!

THIS LINK is pretty very funny. It's a graph of sexual bases through the years. For instance: First Base in the 60's was Holding Hands, while 3rd base in the 00's was uploading your sex tape onto the internet. I guess it's slightly NSFW but there aren't any nudie pics or anything.

Here- if you're at work or in front of shy people CLICK HERE. It's some more awkward family photos!!

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and the First Day of Cliff and Kendall Blog!!! What will your gifts be??? (Let's wait and see!)

3rd Day of Cliff and Kendall Blog!

The end is coming everyone!!!!!!!!!!

The horrible, terrible, most depressing end of the Christmas season. By Saturday we'll all be on ledges everywhere needing someone to talk us down! I will miss my Christmas lights, my tree, my baubles, and razzleberry dressing.

Sorry to overload you with videos- but the one above should remind us that killing ourselves on the 26th is not a necessity. Not if we keep Christmas with us all through the year.

4th Day of Cliff and Kendall Blog!!!

Continuing from our last Christmas gift: Another one of the best people ever to grace any screen: Dame Edna!!!

Hello Possums!

5th Day of Cliff and Kendall Blog!

Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer/Smells Like Teen Spirit!!! Live by Kiki and Herb!

Saturday, December 19, 2009

6th Day of Cliff and Kendall Blog!!!

Okay today's gift is not from me- it's from THE GOOD LORD ABOVE.  29 Years ago today a woman was no longer great with child- she birthed in a cowstall the humble and beautiful creature that would come to be known as Jake Gyllenhaal.  
Happy Birthday Jake Gyllenhaal!! May your 29th birthday be the happiest EVER (even without Reese Witherspoon?) and may you enjoy MANY HAPPY RETURNS!
And the Lord saw what He had done- and it was good. 

Friday, December 18, 2009

7th Day of Cliff and Kendall Blog!

This is your gift (above). Yes I know its an ad for a show on a channel you probably don't have. BUT- it's also the best gift you ever got and you know it's true!!!!!!

RUPAUL IN 2012!! (She's so much better than that moose-huntin' alternative from the "real" America!)

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

8th Day of Cliff and Kendall Blog:

Your gift today is AMAZING!!! It's the blog Third and Delaware which is painstakingly combing through every episode of "Roseanne"-looking for fashion gold!! (They're up through Season 5 "The Nancy Era.")

This is David in a look I tried to pull off in the 90's as well- open shirt over graphic tee, but I was always too FAT to pull it off. When I walked my 'overshirt' would always blow around too much! Behind David you'll see a close proximity of what I look like now. How time marches on!!

I love Roseanne and I love this idea!!! Merry Christmas to All!!!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

9 Days of Cliff and Kendall Blog Starts NOW!!

Oh fuck! It's already too late to start some sort of 12 Days of Christmas thing here on the blog- but let's see- uh how about the 9 Days of Cliff and Kendall Blog??


Okay- here's day One's BIG GIFT:

Just kidding- (but now we know his workout routine!) find your gift HERE: Better Get to Clickin'!

How Bored Are You?

If you answered "Really BORED!" then you can head on over HERE and visit!!! It's Santa's home on the web or something, and it's very cute and it's Christmas cheer cannot be denied!!

Wait are you still bored with nothing to do?? Well, you could always click on THIS, or even HERE, and lastly this will surely cure you.

Friday, December 11, 2009

New Show: Christmas Home Companion 2009

The server appears to be working again! Christmas be praised!

We're Live! On stage & in your ear with Special Guests, Jokes, a Journey to the North Pole, and a variety of seasonal selections - all add up the best Christmas Show of 2009! Don't miss the cheer express!

It's actually a favorite of ours, so we hope you enjoy it and it adds to your holiday experience! And as we know from Christmas Vacation "it's all about the experience!"

Having a Rage Stroke

There is a new show- and yes it is a Christmas Classic and yes it really is very good.

The server is of course fucked up. Much like man- we do not control the Universe, but must put up with its whims be they evil or beautiful.

Still, all in all- I'm having a rage stroke (like Jenna on last night's '30 Rock'!) But what are you gonna do? I'm gonna down some egg nog and maybe when I wake up it'll be to a frosty Christmas miracle.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Did Obama Block Snoopy on Purpose?

According to a looney mayor in WEST TENNESSEE he did!! Charlie Brown's annual re-learning what Christmas is all about was supposed to air this week, but Obama the Muslim who ate Christmas had to go and have a speech about the Afghan war or somthing.

Look I don't know nothin' bout bailouts and I still can't marry Jake Gyllenhaal- but I'm willing to cut Barry O some slack unless he's a closet Snoopy hater!!!!

Read the insanity spouted by the Muslim-fearing mayor HERE.

Watch A Charlie Brown Christmas HERE.

(FYI if you want to wait ABC will be airing "A Charlie Brown Christmas" on Dec. 8 and 15th at 8/7 Cental)

Whoopi and Joy FOREVER!!

Watch what happens when Whoopi is asked her opinion of the whole Tiger Woods insanity- PRICELESS!!!

I am with Whoopi 100% and anytime Joy can put down Elisabeth Hasselfuck and belittle the furor over Michael Phelps' marijuana photo at the same time- she's the best thing on TV.

Love them! And the 400 year old fossil of Barbara Walters is fascinating to watch because it's not often you see on TV the opinion of someone who would otherwise be playing bingo in the nursing home if they weren't a millionaire. (Not to be agist! it's just that many 80 year olds live in nursing homes and who doesn't like bingo?)

New Show: Christmas Cocktail Party

This week the drinks are on us!! We begin the Christmas season in style with carolers, your Christmas memories, the gifts of Media Minute and Weird News, BAADDD Jokes! and MUCH more!!

Also- don't miss the crazy holiday drink recipes, and find out how Cliff and Kendall are the American Susan Boyles!!!!

Christmas comes but once a year- so get ready for some holiday cheer!! (and it might help if you bring some beer.)

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Back to Subway!!

Looks like someone pulled a Cliff and Kendall and ate 30 too many pies this Thanksgiving! Jared (no longer a former fatty, but a former former fatty) strolled through some airport the other day on his way to a Dunkin Donuts of some shit.

I kid!! But get back on the wagon Jared!! If not for us- then for the Subway millions your missing out on! Good luck, fellow traveler of Interstate Obesity!
(And I'm guessing this is real, because why would there be papparazzi pics of him when he was fat?)

Happy Birthday Brit-Brit!!

28 years ago today (although it still seems like just yesterday to Mom Jamie Lynne) a bouncing baby Britney was ushered into our universe!!

She's crazy and fun- and we hope she never changes! Have a great birthday Brit! You deserve it!

Below: The Very Good Old Days

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

I'm Not Sorry

I hate that Adam Lambert (or his reps or whomever) feel he must keep constantly apologizing for his little dance number a few Sundays ago. Let it go! Madonna was way filthier at 10AM every day in the 90's!! Anyone remember that?

Below: She let's it all hang out. As she should! As we want her to!

Adam: You're not their bitch, don't let the Palin-ites hang their shit on you!

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!

Here's the Muppets singing "Bohemian Rhapsody" which has nothing to do with today except being thankful for their continued existence!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Love it

What did I ever do to Jay-Z and Alicia Keys that they teamed up to torture me with this song about my hometown of NYC? It's working Hova!! I gots to get back.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Best Hair(piece) Ever Goes to:

John Travolta!!! In "Old Dogs" somebody sure done a good job of gluing a toupee to Travolta's scalp! Call the Oscars- I wanna see this wig on the red carpet!! The alternative is they may get some sort of technical award for CGI-ing Hugh Grant's hair from 1994 onto Travolta's head.

Incidentally, if we decode the poster below, we'll find the true meaning. John Travolta is standing there telepathically telling us "Isn't it odd how wild gorillas always find weird little skinny dudes to adopt as babies?" But he's not saying it like he's alarmed or anything. He's just mentioning it as an odd fact you might find interesting- like "Did you know that mosquito repellants don't actually repel? They simply mask your scent."

On the right Robin Williams is trying as best he can to slowly back away from this movie poster. His shame is written all over his face, he just had to do this movie to pay for his heart surgery. Them Doubtfire dollar$ done dried up a long time ago.

Seth Green is singing that stupid fucking "I'm All Out of Love" song.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Two Way Mirror Test

Got this in an e-mail:

"Can you tell when you are in a hotel room, restroom, motel etc. with a mirror whether it is in fact a mirror or 2-way glass?

Here's how:

I thought it was quite interesting! And I know in about 30 seconds you're going to do what I did and find the nearest mirror... Do you know how to determine if a mirror is 2-way or not? This is not to scare you, but to make you aware. A policewoman who travels all over the U.S. and gives seminars and techniques for businesswomen passed this on. When we visit toilets, bathrooms, hotel rooms, changing rooms, etc., how many of you know for sure that the seemingly ordinary mirror hanging on the wall is a real mirror, or actually a 2-way mirror (i.e., they can see you, but you can't see them)? There have been many cases of people installing 2-way mirrors in female changing rooms. It is very difficult to positively identify the surface by just looking at it.

So, how do we determine with any amount of certainty what type of mirror we are looking at? Just conduct this simple test: Place the tip of your fingernail against the reflective surface and if there is a GAP between your fingernail and the image of the nail, then it is a GENUINE mirror. However, if your fingernail DIRECTLY TOUCHES the image of your nail, then BEWARE, FOR IT IS A 2-WAY MIRROR!

"No Space, Leave the Place" So remember, every time you see a Mirror, do the "fingernail test." It doesn't cost you anything.

Remember: "No Space, Leave the Place"

Ladies: Share this with your girlfriends, sisters, daughters, etc.
Men: Share this with your wives, daughters, daughters-in- law, mothers, girlfriends and friends"

Notice- It does not recommend you tell this to any MEN because no one in their right mind would ever look at some dude through a two-way mirror.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Funny Video (Really)

This is actually funny- a song from SNL with Andy Samberg and Reba. Well, Keenan Thompson playing Reba. Funny stuff.

Friday, November 20, 2009

More Reasons to Love Martha!

Coming closely behind her remarks that Rachel Ray is nothing more than a giggling chowderhead (basically what she said, which is definitely TRUE- Rachel even admits it), Martha lays into Republican Savior/Liberal Kneeslapper Sarah Palin! (See video HERE).

Tell it like it is, Martha!

When asked for her thoughts on the gun totin' Mama, Martha insists she's "dangerous" due to her complete confusion on every issue! Martha's right! When pressed further as to whether she's seen the Alaskan quitter's various interviews- she says "Why is everyone asking me that? I wouldn't watch her if you paid me!"

Just for that- I'm renewing my subscription to Martha Stewart Living!

Thanksgiving Dinner Show is Gobblin'!

And I mean "gobbling" and not a scary halloween "goblin." Just for clarification!

Pass the yams! We're "thankful" again! Join us for some dinner table talk: rants, raves, pie, sass, tofurkey, Things You Should Know (about Tksgvng), 3 Star Theater, Q&A, Special Music, and Bad Jokes!

It's 'gobble gobble' time this Sassgiving!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Crying Over Xmas Songs Already!

Disregard the video if you can- but this song gets me! "Santa will find you" indeed! It's Mindy Smith from her Christmas album (which I think is called 'My Holiday')

"It's the time and the season to bring loved ones together, 
never let distance keep you apart
With the spirit of Christmas 
you'll never be lost if you truly believe in your heart . . ."


(P.S. find the other song that's had me in tears on

Wednesday, November 18, 2009


And how could I forget?!?!?!? (See below)

Hot fudge!!!!!!!

Love Him, But . . .

Is Johnny Depp really the sexiest man alive? Love him, yes! But- I'm not sure I've ever seen him look worse than on this cover. He's got it going on 4 Sho- I just have a couple more suggestions that might edge him out of the top spot and into the lower regions of the Top 10 . . .

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Happy Birthday Mr. Grant!

Ed Asner- one of the stars of the best show of all time (The Mary Tyler Moore Show) turns 80 years old today!!  What a great career he's had- let's hope today is special for him. 

Friday, November 13, 2009

New Show(s): 100th Episode Celebration!!!

An occasion SO MOMENTOUS it couldn't be contained in just one episode! (Even though technically we're saying it is).

It's our 100th Episode Celebration- come along for the ride with listener favorite segments: Weird News, Media Minute, Things You Should Know, Stupid Questions, a Journey to Busheltown, and the BEST Bad Jokes of all time!

There are also guest stars and just one or two clips. A couple. A small sampling of past memories. Not to be missed!! Join us for our big transition to triple digits!
(Yes- there are two parts to download, 1 & 2 which should make it easier for you to listen at your convenience. Join us for this fun history making event!)

Happy Birthday Whoopi!

I love me some Whoopi Goldberg- whether she's singing with nuns, channeling Patrick Swayze, hosting the Oscars, or gently but firmly letting Elizabeth "Fuckface" Hasselback know just how wrong she is.

Lucky for me- and you!- she was born today 54 years ago! Happy Birthday Whoopi!!!

Friday, November 6, 2009

New Show: Stress Balls!!!

This week we're trying to calm you down and help you relieve stress with tips on getting rid of the "S" word! (Be careful though- as we demonstrate in the show, stress can cause people to lash out at one another!)

In addition to ways to make your life better- we've got "Dear Cliff and Kendall," Stupid Questions, Q&A, and Bad Jokes!!! A sure cure for the blues! (When the server begins functioning again).

Server Maintenance

Although we have a new show up- the server is currently down for maintenance! (Which stresses us out!!!) BUT at least they are acknowledging this and not pretending nothing is wrong the way they did in July for A WEEK.

So hold on- we'll be right back!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

IGN Video: Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time Movie Trailer - Trailer

IGN Video: Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time Movie Trailer - Trailer

My husband has a new movie coming out in May! Hopefully he will be able to elevate the Jerry Bruckheimerness of it all! If anyone can- it's Jake!

(Click the link above- I couldn't get the widescreen trailer to post here for some reason). SORRY!!!!

Oscars 2 B Hosted by:

Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin

I like it!!

Look: Pretty!

"Twilight" star Robert Pattinson is on the cover of the new Vanity Fair magazine and it includes some new portraits of the beautiful vampire movie actor.

In the one above you can see the normal "pretty man reading a book in front of a beach house on a cloudy day" look but below you see two insights into the highly secret world of celebrity. These shots were never supposed to get out so see them while you can!

You see one secret few know is that celebrities can play the piano with their feet- even with their shoes on! Either that or a strong wind came along and knocked Robert over while he was in the middle of a boring old hand-played version of Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.

In this third photo you see another Hollywood secret: NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU EAT. Sure he's holding a half chewed ear of corn- but what you don't know is that one ear of corn has more carbs than Robert can eat in a month! So obviously some hefty magazine PA chowed down and then passed the corn to Robert so we lay-people would think he'd eaten it himself. But we are too savvy for that!

Happy Birthday Kathy Griffin!

Today an inspiration in foul-mouthed hilarity was born! According to IMDB she's 49 (even though I'd swear I've heard she was over 50 before)- but anyway that's one more thing that puts her on the D-List- and that's why we love her!!!

Have some cake soup in her honor!