Johnny Depp is 48!

Today is Johnny Depp's 48th birthday!! He's now in his early late 40's. There's no denying it.

But, seeing as how Johnny has been christened "Eternally Sexy" by the planet (similar to the much less deserving Sean Connery)- he's probably cool with being 48. Hell, he's probably cool with just about everything.

I tried to think of when Johnny Depp was the hottest- but he's always been hot. From "21 Jump Street" to his very, very hot (but short-lived) role in "Nightmare on Elm Street" to that long blonde hair in "Blow"- he's just always smmmokinnnn. (As The Mask would say).

Happy Birthday Johnny Depp! If I looked like you, I wouldn't mind being 48!

Love Him, But . . .

Is Johnny Depp really the sexiest man alive? Love him, yes! But- I'm not sure I've ever seen him look worse than on this cover. He's got it going on 4 Sho- I just have a couple more suggestions that might edge him out of the top spot and into the lower regions of the Top 10 . . .

Birthdays of the Day

Look who the good Lord decided to bless us with on June 9th! In 1934 the Lord inspired the hand of some artist that sketched out a really pissed off duck whom we would all come to know and cherish. Donald Duck was hatched this day 74 years ago!

45 years ago the Lord laid his hand on some lady's belly and soon after her water broke, and then soon after that she popped out future Edward Scissorhands and future sex symbol Johnny Depp.

Approximately 40 million years ago the Lord hopped into a Delorean time machine and sped up to 88 mph and zoomed far into the future (roughly 47 years ago today) and saw that a presumably beautiful lady gave birth to Michael J. Fox.

Thank you Lord!

623

Emergency Valentine Gift List

With Valentine’s Day looming TERRIFYINGLY close, we thought you may need help finding a gift for your special someone. Here is a list of acceptable gifts:

1. Personalized Hershey chocolate card thing. Nothing says “Love” like icing spelling out “love” on a piece of candy.

2. Biography of Johnny Depp. If you are dating a woman she will think you have tapped into her psyche and found her secret wish that you were Johnny Depp. She wouldn’t even care if you had scissorhands. If you are dating a man he will think this book holds all keys to his future Depp-dom. If you are alone, it’s just a fascinating read. He was in makeup How Long for Pirates 2???

3. The first season of HBO’s “Tell Me You Love Me.” I haven’t seen it, but everyone is naked for the entire length of every episode. The title can also be seen as a directive to your Valentine. This may seem desperate. Just emphasize the hours of nakedness.

4. A diamond ring. Girls like that shit, right? It also will give you both an excuse to use the word ‘bling’ several times. That’s fun.

5. Life insurance. This is only for those who plan on offing their loved ones in the near future.

6. Steak of the month club. I can hear Kendall saying, “That’s the gift that keeps on giving” or he might change it to, “The gift that keeps on mooing.” Whatever, if you eat meat then it’s like a jackpot.

7. Finally, if you are single on this holy day of love, I recommend giving yourself lots and lots of ice cream. And then lots and lots of gin.