Monday, March 31, 2008
The daytime diva said the timing for her return to television "couldn't be worse." She explained, "I'm eight years older, 10 pounds heavier, a half-inch shorter, and just in time for HD television." Sounds like she's still got the sassy attitude, heart, and spirit we all love! Let's hope she delivers a 1-2 punch of verve right to Kelly Ripa's throat!
Friday, March 28, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Alternate titles for this post include:
There’s a Whole Lotta Linkin’ Goin’ On!
THIS is what I spent a while researching this morning.
Someone stole our IDEA/schtick (which we stole from someone else).
Here’s a fun conglomeration of variant confluences you can WATCH.
Instead of eating something bad for you, why not just READ about it instead??
Finally, look HERE or HERE.
**and I didn't draw that guy up there. because if i did- he would've looked like cliff and kendall cliff and kendall cliff and kendall cliff and kendall cliff and kendall cliff and kendall cliff and kendall cliff and kendall cliff and kendall cliff and kendall cliff and kendall cliff and kendall ya know?
Here's a tidbit from this week's show; Cliff and Kendall review the upcoming film "21"!
Cliff: A Big NO!! Watching people play cards is slightly less exciting than watching people read (birthday) cards! Yawn, and Kevin Spacey "don't call me Sir" jokes- classic!
Kendall: A strong YES. This looks just like one of those wonderful Discovery Channel shows I always watch. With Kate Bosworth!
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Monday, March 17, 2008
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Friday, March 14, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
It’s a new year (such as it is still closer to 2007 than it is to 2009) and with this New Year comes a chance for renewal and personal growth. And also new sins. The Vatican has released a new list of sins including the sin of causing environmental blight and the sin of genetic manipulation. So the Pope is against me biologically engineering my child to look like Madonna. (The cone-bra one, not Mary, Mother of Jesus.)
And so in the spirit of creating new sins, Kendall and I present to you 5 other new sins the Vatican forgot. Be advised if you committed these sins before you read this, you’re clear. You didn’t know they were sins. But you do now, so repent bitches!
1. The sin of un-ironically listening to reggaeton music. If you actually enjoy listening to anything by Sean Paul or Daddy Yankee- you’re in luck! What do you think they play in hell? Even in the elevators, it’s “Gasolina” at top volume!! The only real penance for this is 1,000 Hail Marys and 1,000 listenings of any song by Bebe and Cece Winans.
2. The sin of leaving a box of cereal without enough cereal for at least one full bowl. If your spouse (or child/life partner/roommate/cleaning lady/hobo who lives in the walls of your house and only comes out during the day while you’re at work) goes to pour themselves a nice bowl of Peanut Butter Cap’N Crunch and only gets ¼ of a bowl’s worth, they have instantly martyred themselves and demonized you. If there’s only a handful of cereal left, just finish the box like the next Bible will tell you to!
3. The sin of using internet abbreviations in everyday conversation. “OMG! I can’t believe I missed The Hills last night!” “Did you see Semi-Pro? I totally LMAO!” These are quick and sure ways to eternal damnation.
4. The sin of comparing everything is your daily life to an episode of Seinfeld. Of course office birthday parties will remind you of when Elaine swore off the daily cake routine and ended up eating Mr. Peterman’s $27,000 antique pastry. Of course the unexpected outing of a friend/acquaintance will tempt you to say “not that there’s anything wrong with that!” And the consistent run-ins with “low-talkers,” “close-talkers,” and wearers of puffy shirts will bring up other Seinfeld-ian thoughts. Just don’t say them. The penance for this sin: confession. I confess I do this a few dozen times a day. At least as often as Elaine got phone calls from that fax machine when Kramer signed her up to get faxes of every restaurant in New York City. Serenity Now!
So now you know- and you can’t say Cliff and Kendall never did anything for your soul. This list is vegetarian chili for the soul!
Friday, March 7, 2008
Thursday, March 6, 2008
A favorite quote by the humanitarian:
"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt within the heart."
**and if you thought you'd find a Helen Keller joke here, may you burn in hell**
Watch out for corny jokes and sweaty podcasters- this week will shape you up! Best listened to on the treadmill or elliptical machine, our “Fit Week” episode get you ready for swimsuit season faster than you can say thighmaster!!
And if you require more motivation:
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
A) Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance. -Sam Brown
B) Most conversations are simply monologues delivered in the presence of witnesses. -Margaret Millar
C) Be not ashamed of thy virtues; honor's a good brooch to wear in a man's hat at all times. -Ben Jonson
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Here they are: the poll results for your favorite 2007 Academy Award Nominated Film! The surprise winner (with 50%) was the horror/musical "Sweeney Todd." Now we know what kind of wackos come to the Cliff and Kendall blog: our kind of wackos!