Monday, March 31, 2008

Don't call it a comeback . . .

. . . call it a reason to celebrate!! After eight long years a daytime LEGEND is returning to television! Kathie Lee Gifford will begin co-hosting duties of the Today Show's 4th hour on Monday. Let's just hope Kathie Lee's return lasts longer than Rosie's tragically short run on The View!

The daytime diva said the timing for her return to television "couldn't be worse." She explained, "I'm eight years older, 10 pounds heavier, a half-inch shorter, and just in time for HD television." Sounds like she's still got the sassy attitude, heart, and spirit we all love! Let's hope she delivers a 1-2 punch of verve right to Kelly Ripa's throat!

And when the time comes (as it soon will) for the Today Show to be stretched even longer, eventually consuming all of NBC's daytime hours between 3am infomercials and the Nightly News, may we suggest a couple of other co-hosts?

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Queer as a ??? Dollar Bill?

Have you seen the new money?? It's so Ellen yo!


Alternate titles for this post include:
There’s a Whole Lotta Linkin’ Goin’ On!

THIS is what I spent a while researching this morning.

Someone stole our IDEA/schtick (which we stole from someone else).

Here’s a fun conglomeration of variant confluences you can WATCH.

Instead of eating something bad for you, why not just READ about it instead??

Finally, look HERE or HERE.

**and I didn't draw that guy up there. because if i did- he would've looked like cliff and kendall cliff and kendall cliff and kendall cliff and kendall cliff and kendall cliff and kendall cliff and kendall cliff and kendall cliff and kendall cliff and kendall cliff and kendall cliff and kendall ya know?

Trailer Park Taste: "21"

Here's a tidbit from this week's show; Cliff and Kendall review the upcoming film "21"!

Cliff: A Big NO!! Watching people play cards is slightly less exciting than watching people read (birthday) cards! Yawn, and Kevin Spacey "don't call me Sir" jokes- classic!

Kendall: A strong YES. This looks just like one of those wonderful Discovery Channel shows I always watch. With Kate Bosworth!

it's time for a Cliff and Kendall cartoon!

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Easter Poll Results

Coming Soon: Childhood Memories

Hey! Did you ever wonder what our fondest memories from childhood were??

Well- right back at ya! And we're gonna tell you anyway- Coming up this week on Cliff and Kendall: Coast to Coast:

The best things about growing up in the 1980's!! Watch the loving youtube tribute to 1980's era Nickelodeon below to get a taste of the flavor! I don't remember everything, but I know I loved "Today's Special," "You Can't Do That on Television," and "David the Gnome!"

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Get Clean, America!

This week on our podcast Kendall and I expose our disgusting pasts as janitors! And with such disclosure comes a whole washtub of cleaning tips you can't live without!!

But this episode is more than just a primer for second rate custodians, it also features the heavenly sounds of Cliff and Kendall in the kitchen eating Cadbury eggs for easter, a media minute filled with 60 seconds worth of up to the minute Hollywood gossip*, and a new feature full of bad jokes!**

So settle in for the fun as Cliff and Kendall try to clean up the country!

*up to the minute means up to approximately 8pm Eastern 3-19-08

**bad jokes means even worse jokes than you would typically hear on a regular episode

Hey Neighbor, won't you wear a sweater?

Today our good friend and eternal neighbor Mr. Rogers would have turned 80 years old!! It doesn't seem like that long ago, I was watching for speedy deliveries and taking that trolley to where all the puppets live. Memories!

Today, in the spirit of Mr. Rogers, everyone is asked (by some eastern syndicate no doubt) to wear a sweater in honor of our dearly departed pal. And as Mr. McFeely put it, "Your sweater doesn't have to be like Mr. Rogers', it just has to be special to you." So everyone put on your sweaters and go out and greet this beautiful day in your neighborhood, wherever that may be.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Totally Cliff and Kendall- podcasting audience

Do you ever see something and you think to yourself "That's so totally Cliff and Kendall! (as in Cliff and Kendall: Coast to Coast)?"

I (Cliff) do!! Such is the above story with the humorously truthful motivational poster.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

What Will You Drink on St. Patrick's Day?

The results are in!! The majority of listeners went with the ever-popular and uber-appropriate green beer. It just don't get more Irish than that folks. And not too surprisingly, we have the same number of listeners that are hard core alcoholics and t-totallers who never touch the Jesus juice. Hope everyone had fun, stayed safe, and woke up hungover!!

Friday, March 14, 2008

Obsessions: Madonna

Today Madonna's people unveiled her new album cover, and yes it rocks out with all its cocks out.

Monday, March 10, 2008

The New 2008 Line of Sins has Arrived

It’s a new year (such as it is still closer to 2007 than it is to 2009) and with this New Year comes a chance for renewal and personal growth. And also new sins. The Vatican has released a new list of sins including the sin of causing environmental blight and the sin of genetic manipulation. So the Pope is against me biologically engineering my child to look like Madonna. (The cone-bra one, not Mary, Mother of Jesus.)

And so in the spirit of creating new sins, Kendall and I present to you 5 other new sins the Vatican forgot. Be advised if you committed these sins before you read this, you’re clear. You didn’t know they were sins. But you do now, so repent bitches!

1. The sin of un-ironically listening to reggaeton music. If you actually enjoy listening to anything by Sean Paul or Daddy Yankee- you’re in luck! What do you think they play in hell? Even in the elevators, it’s “Gasolina” at top volume!! The only real penance for this is 1,000 Hail Marys and 1,000 listenings of any song by Bebe and Cece Winans.

2. The sin of leaving a box of cereal without enough cereal for at least one full bowl. If your spouse (or child/life partner/roommate/cleaning lady/hobo who lives in the walls of your house and only comes out during the day while you’re at work) goes to pour themselves a nice bowl of Peanut Butter Cap’N Crunch and only gets ¼ of a bowl’s worth, they have instantly martyred themselves and demonized you. If there’s only a handful of cereal left, just finish the box like the next Bible will tell you to!

3. The sin of using internet abbreviations in everyday conversation. “OMG! I can’t believe I missed The Hills last night!” “Did you see Semi-Pro? I totally LMAO!” These are quick and sure ways to eternal damnation.

4. The sin of comparing everything is your daily life to an episode of Seinfeld. Of course office birthday parties will remind you of when Elaine swore off the daily cake routine and ended up eating Mr. Peterman’s $27,000 antique pastry. Of course the unexpected outing of a friend/acquaintance will tempt you to say “not that there’s anything wrong with that!” And the consistent run-ins with “low-talkers,” “close-talkers,” and wearers of puffy shirts will bring up other Seinfeld-ian thoughts. Just don’t say them. The penance for this sin: confession. I confess I do this a few dozen times a day. At least as often as Elaine got phone calls from that fax machine when Kramer signed her up to get faxes of every restaurant in New York City. Serenity Now!

5. The sin of talking on your cell phone while ordering in a restaurant or checking out at a store. These servers and cashiers lives are horrible enough! Do you need to persecute them further with this 21st Century rudeness? They already work at Starbucks/K-Mart/Fill in the blank, and thus contemplate suicide at least thrice daily! Do them a favor and smile or at least be amiable. Jesus will reward you and add a Florida room onto your castle in the sky.

So now you know- and you can’t say Cliff and Kendall never did anything for your soul. This list is vegetarian chili for the soul!

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Inspiration for the Day

This rare photo of inspirational figure Helen Keller was shown off for the first time a few days ago. It shows the young girl, deaf and blind since the age of two, cradling her doll and sitting with stout-hearted teacher Annie Sullivan.

A favorite quote by the humanitarian:

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt within the heart."

**and if you thought you'd find a Helen Keller joke here, may you burn in hell**

Fit Week on C&K:C2C

It’s time to get fit with Cliff and Kendall! This week our show takes a look at different diets of the stars, as well as all the diets we’ve tried in our long fat lives. Also, Cliff and Kendall step into the kitchen to try two new cereals: Fiber One Caramel and Chocolate Honeycomb.

Watch out for corny jokes and sweaty podcasters- this week will shape you up! Best listened to on the treadmill or elliptical machine, our “Fit Week” episode get you ready for swimsuit season faster than you can say thighmaster!!

And if you require more motivation:

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

What this video means to me . . .

A) Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance. -Sam Brown

B) Most conversations are simply monologues delivered in the presence of witnesses. -Margaret Millar

C) Be not ashamed of thy virtues; honor's a good brooch to wear in a man's hat at all times. -Ben Jonson

And also:

it's time for a Cliff and Kendall cartoon!

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Poll Results!

Here they are: the poll results for your favorite 2007 Academy Award Nominated Film! The surprise winner (with 50%) was the horror/musical "Sweeney Todd." Now we know what kind of wackos come to the Cliff and Kendall blog: our kind of wackos!

Saturday, March 1, 2008

New Look!

. . . coming Tuesday March 4th!! Sorry for the lack of updates lately. I'll make it up to you somehow!!!!