2014 Excellence Awards: Best Internet Thing

Hulu counts as internet right? In any case, ELVIRA the one and only queen of Halloween returned to skewer a new batch of old movies for 13 episodes! For this she earns the 2014 Excellence Award for Best Internet Thing! 

Can Elvira's return be a yearly thing? Can this be a monthly thing? Can Elvira get her own daily talk show? Can there be a channel that shows nothing but things with Elvira in them? (For that I'd pay the unholy gods of cable TV the blood sacrifices they demand). 

Barbra on Instagram

Barbra Streisand has at last joined Instagram!! She's already making me mad at her for being on a diet while I gain and gain and gain and gain and gain and gain and gain and gain and gain and gain and gain and gain and gain and gain and gain and gain and gain and gain and gain and gain and gain and gain and gain and gain and gain and gain and gain and gain and gain and gain and gain and gain and gain and gain and gain. But, oh well. 

See the cupcakes Barbra's on-site pastry chef whipped up one August morn? 

If you need more Barbra than even Barbra herself can give you, follow "barbramemes" on instagram. They've got Barbra + sassy quotes and they are so good at expressing just how I often feel inside. 

With one look she can break your heart! Click below for more great Barbra memes! 

Pee-wee's Gift to You!

As a special Christmas gift to all his pals, Pee-wee Herman is streaming his Christmas special on his website for free! I'm guessing it's through the day itself, but who knows. Regardless! You should avail yourself of this opportunity!

Pee-wee's Playhouse Christmas Special is probably THE BEST Christmas special ever. Definitely the best "variety" special of all time. There are so many favorite parts, I simply can't count them!

So- I won't try. But I'll say: fruitcakes, Cher, and Grace Jones accidentally being delivered to the Playhouse in a huge wooden crate. (Okay, I guess I sort of tried- but there are so many more!) Countless guest stars (Oprah, Whoopi, Magic Johnson, Charro, Dinah Shore, et al) and your old compatriots Miss Yvonne, Cowboy Curtis, Cool Cat, Chicky Baby, and the Puppet Band.

*Have I mentioned how good this is and how you should watch it?

What People's?

So I was innocently voting for the People's Choice Awards (you can too- HERE!), when I noticed a mistake in their nominations. When they came up with nominees for the People's Favorite Movie Icon- they forgot an entire gender existed! These aren't the Male Icons- these are the only icons. They couldn't come up with one woman? It must have taken them weeks to come up with Morgan Freeman.

Here are a few ladies that are deserving of at least being nominated for People's Icon! C'mon, at least a few of them are undeniable.

But, if they forgot the ladies in that category they must have tried to make up for it with Favorite Pop Star.

So if you want to exercise your rights as an American People- vote in these awards! Only one bit of advice- try and find some way to write in "Body of Proof" for People's Drama!

Thing You Can Do

(also file under "Thing You Can Do Instead of All the Things You Really, Really Should Be Doing-WTF Are You Thinking, Seriously!!!!")

You can watch Christmas episodes of things on Netflix (and probably other places!!) I just enjoyed the Christmas episode from season 1 of "My Name is Earl." Look how Merry Earl is!!!

There are plenty of other shows available to stream, and I know there are more Christmas episodes ripe for the watching! Off the top of my head: you can stream xmas carols from 30 Rock, Roseanne, Glee, The Office, The Wonder Years, and more!! So while there are other things you should be doing* why not merry up today instead!??!

*seriously, you dumb fat fucking moron- why are you doing this to yourself, why don't you get down to business????

Halloween with Cliff and Kendall

So if you are worried that you won't be able to do even one Halloween-y thing this year- FEAR NOT!!! We are gonna give you so many opportunities to do at least one Halloween-y thing repeatedly! What is that one Halloween-y thing?

Listen to a Halloween themed podcast of course!!! While eating 1,000's of miniature candy bars? That's up to you!

Hillbilly Willy 1, 2, and the all new THREE will be coming out this month along with two other new Halloween shows! But in case you are unemployed, seasonally depressed, serving 20 to life (or all three) look below. You can revisit Halloween shows of the past!

Episode 150 - Too Late for Zombies?

Episode 151 - Halloween Party on the Internet

Click on the episode title to listen or download.

Halloween Dreamin'

As I looked over THIS photo gallery of people in elaborate costumes at Comic-Con, I began to wonder what I should wear for Halloween!! It's only 3 months away!

Now, obviously I could never be as good of a Super Woman as the lady above, but what should I be? There are so many sides to me, I could be an astronaut, a robot, a hobo, a clown, or an alien creature going out on the town. BUT . . . the best ideas I came up with are:

A) Judge: costume consists of a large black robe, nice shoes, powdery white wig, gavel

B) Cool Surfer Dude: costume consists of small swim trunks, rubber necklace? and possibly zinc oxide for my nose

C) Other: ????

Help me decide! Which will I look best in?!?!

We All Need More James Franco

At least I do! Click HERE to read a great interview he did with Playboy magazine. He talks about the Oscars (I thought he was great!), the upcoming "Rise of the Planet of the Apes," and more!

What I love most about James Franco is his enormous talent and also how hot he is. BUT I also admire him because he truly is an artist- just like Cliff and Kendall!

Justin Timberlake Buys MySpace!

In other hot dude news, Justin Timberlake (and some other probably less hot dudes/dudettes) are pooling some cash to buy that creaky old internet ghost-town known as MySpace.

And THIS JUST HIT ME, he's buying MySpace and he was IN THE FACEBOOK MOVIE!!!!! What a world!

Anyway- Justin says he wants MySpace to be a place where people can connect with their favorite artists and hear new music and stuff like that. I love him (and all together the site's selling for 35 million, which means even if he bought the whole thing it'd be chump change for JT) BUT if I can get tweets directly from Lady GaGa and see pictures uploaded by Elvira herself on facebook- then I already feel pretty connected. But- who knows, we may all move back over to MySpace by next year!

Probably not, but good luck Justin! Considering these days he's better known as the voice of BooBoo in that allegedly awful Yogi Bear movie- maybe instead of hooking fans up with a newly bedazzled MySpace- he could hook a fan up with a new Justin Timberlake album? FutureSex/Lovesounds is now in the past!

Hulu Movies

A person like me, who is firmly planted in the 21st century- watches many shows on Hulu.com. I have watched movies on there- I know a while ago I watched "Xanadu" and an old Marx brothers movie. But judging by their top 10 most Popular Movies, I'm going to say most Hulu movie watchers are Moms (who watch Lifetime movies) and 12 year old boys (who watch movies with titles like "Strictly Sexual," "Kama Sutra," and "Everybody's Doing It.")

Not sure who is watching "Earth Keepers" or "Fat Head" or what the hell they are.

Is Netflix Ruining Your Life?

I remember the old days- when I'd spend the summer riding my bike to the old video store at sunset. I'd load up and rent 5 old vhs movies (from the middle of the store- new releases were excluded) for $5 and head home for days of entertainment!!

Okay- I never rode my bike. I was too bloated from Little Debbie cakes. But I did rent lots of non-new movies for cheap and hole up in my bedroom and see if they were worth the buck I'd spent to rent them. Nowadays- we computer types have Netflix streaming- where you can watch so many movies and full series runs of TV shows that someone coined the phrase "Netflix Streaming Syndrome."

Symptoms include:

Insomnia brought on by watching every episode of a compelling series in a row at the expense of getting a good night's sleep.

Anti-social behavior as a result of staying in and making it a "Netflix night" rather than going out in public and seeing other human beings.

Blackouts induced by spending an entire day watching movies back-to-back.

I haven't lost my job from it or anything- but I am currently in the middle of season 4 of "The Larry Sanders Show" and I do really want to get home to watch more!! Does that count? Do I have a light case of Netflix Streaming Syndrome? Is my NSS only offset by my concurrent addiction to Hulu? Speaking of- before I watch more Larry tonight- I have to watch last night's "Glee" (catch the first season streaming on Netflix!) Read more about the (currently fictional) NSS HERE!

Boy, things are different from 200 million years ago when I was a kid!

Internet, Don't Scare Me!

I'm fat and thus probably have a weak heart!!!! Headlines like this (Jake Gyllenhaal Left Battered and Bruised!) make me think Jake was in a terrible accident! Remember when Madonna fell off a horse- I nearly died!!!! Just know- Jake Gyllenhaal is healthy enough to do promotion for his new movie "Source Code." (Which you should go see on April 1st)

Browse Longer!

Itunes is about to TRIPLE the length of its song previews- allowing you to hear 90 seconds of a song instead of the current 30.

That's all- but it is November, so be THANKFUL for that extra minute!

What We Need Now

Click HERE to find out 4 Ways to "Look Thinner Instantly"- sadly their 1st tip is the only one that would apply to me.

You're Invited to our Halloween Party on the Internet!

We've got Bad Jokes, beloved special guests, "What the Trick'r Treaters R Saying," musical numbers, a sexy seance, 'Would U Rather-Halloween Edition,' and so much more scary-good-fun you won't want to miss!

So whether you're home all alone or looking for an activity that will take up around 52 minutes of your upcoming Halloween fiesta- you've no need to search further! It's the ghoulish event of the season right here!

Travel Show Oprah Headline

This is a travel show on youtube hosted by a guy who has cerebral palsy (he calls it the 'sexiest of the palsies'). He's in some competition to be in a competition (VOTE HERE?) on the Oprah Network (the one with Rosie's new talk show!) and all I can say is if he wins and gets his own show on OWN, and Rosie's on there- I gots to get me some Oprah channel!! (Not to be confused with the Opera channel, which I don't really need).

This E-mail Made Me Happy

So I awoke this morning to an e-mail from my co-host K-------. (See above). In case you can't zoom and enhance- the entirety of its text read: "WHY AM I SO FAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

It wasn't even a question, but an exclamation-shouted from a mountain peak, into the face of God. If you've ever experienced this- you might be Cliff or Kendall.

Facebook Will Eff a Bitch Up

You can read THIS important article from CNN about how people are changing their facebook names and tightening it's security all in the name of finding a job.

It's smart, and there are definitely some pics of me slobbering on buffets I'd like to keep private, but isn't it weird how we have to hide who we are and button up our lives so other people will think we can type and shit? Better not have fun (or at least leave no record of it) even if it's completely legal and all are consenting adults!

So I guess then it's three people we have to answer to then, ourselves-God-and society. Blorch!

New Server Update!! (a 'How to')

The good news is we HAVE A NEW SERVER!!! This means no more episodes cut off in their prime-

The "other" news is that to get the upcoming shows (for the next 10 years or so) you will have to resubscribe to the show on iTunes.

Here's how: open iTunes, go to the iTunes store. Search for "cliff and kendall." You should be presented with a variety of options, including our Kathy Griffin spin-off, the old feed, and the new feed from our NEW SERVER.

The differences will be: the photograph for the new feed is the one above, and the title of the show now includes the number 2. (Just remember "shitty podcast . . ." No! Kidding, don't think that). There will also be fewer episodes listed under the new server's feed. Just click "subscribe" and you should be home-free to enjoy uninterrupted "Cliff and Kendall" throughout the new decade!! You could just click on this link to subscribe to the new feed as well.

Hopefully this is fairly easy, and we won't lose any of our beloved listeners!

2nd Day of Cliff and Kendall Blog!!!

THIS LINK is pretty very funny. It's a graph of sexual bases through the years. For instance: First Base in the 60's was Holding Hands, while 3rd base in the 00's was uploading your sex tape onto the internet. I guess it's slightly NSFW but there aren't any nudie pics or anything.

Here- if you're at work or in front of shy people CLICK HERE. It's some more awkward family photos!!

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and the First Day of Cliff and Kendall Blog!!! What will your gifts be??? (Let's wait and see!)