Halloween on Netflix

If you're looking for ways to enjoy the Halloween season, look no further than Netflix! (Assuming you have Netflix, if you don't . . . look further!) 

For those with Netflix, Halloween is just a click away! I've spent all day watching "American Horror Story" and I'm completely terrified!!! You can stream the first season which features Jessica Lange's Emmy winning performance, and all I can say is she should have won 5 Emmys for it! But I am truly freaked OUT! 

What else is up for streaming? Andy Warhol contributed to Halloween with "Flesh for Frankenstein" and "Blood for Dracula." Both films are streaming on Netflix and both feature Joe Dallesandro (above)- one of the Official All Time Movie Hunks** (**Yes I am the official keeper of this list). 
BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE AFTER THE JUMP!

Halloween Success Tip #1

Halloween Success Tip #1:

Spend all your money on the Halloween versions of things! Satan knows I have!  For instance, buy and then ingest a Halloween version of donut holes!  They taste like pure sugar- so they're normal and haven't had a flavor modification. Admittedly, I ate probably fifteen and threw the rest out the window as I drove home from the grocery store. (Stray dogs cheered no doubt when they sniffed 'em out on the roadside.)

Also, why not say, "F*** my Roth IRA- I'll buy some Halloween yogurt!" I said just that and was never happier than during the 90 seconds it took me to eat Frankenstein's official dairy product. If regular yogurt has live cultures, does Halloween yogurt have undead cultures?*

It's also okay to enjoy Halloween editions of products you always get anyway. I felt a terrifying tingle upon my spine when I pulled this Netflix envelope from my mailbox.

Oh and yeah- Oreos too!! You may want to sit down, because I ate all the Oreos. (Probably in one sitting, but who can remember?)

*Warning to hack comedians: Don't steal this hilarious observation!

Thing You Can Do

(also file under "Thing You Can Do Instead of All the Things You Really, Really Should Be Doing-WTF Are You Thinking, Seriously!!!!")

You can watch Christmas episodes of things on Netflix (and probably other places!!) I just enjoyed the Christmas episode from season 1 of "My Name is Earl." Look how Merry Earl is!!!

There are plenty of other shows available to stream, and I know there are more Christmas episodes ripe for the watching! Off the top of my head: you can stream xmas carols from 30 Rock, Roseanne, Glee, The Office, The Wonder Years, and more!! So while there are other things you should be doing* why not merry up today instead!??!

*seriously, you dumb fat fucking moron- why are you doing this to yourself, why don't you get down to business????

Halloween How-To #2

If you have Netflix streaming or if you view Hulu, there are wonders of Halloween-ish things to watch.

Example: You can watch the entire series run of "The X-Files" on Netflix! And you know what that means: you can watch season 7's "Fight Club" episode starring David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson, . . .

Yes! Our Lady of Broadcast Comedians!!

Double, double! Toil and trouble! It's TWO Griffins for the price of one! She's sisters everybody!

It's a one-two-knockout! Watching creepy things on Netflix= Happy Halloween.

T-Shirt Idea: Goodbyes Are a Bitch

Last night I finally worked up the courage to watch Michael Scott's last episode of "The Office"- and I was right to put it off!! I wept profusely!! I'm talking Dobby's Death Scene level of weeping- through at least half of the show! And I was alone when I watched it- so it was ugly crying! No dignity whatsoever- flat out balling!!!

And then today, I was watching "The Larry Sanders Show" on Netflix streaming- and I reached that show's series finale!! First of all, it's a BRILLIANT show and if you've got Netflix streaming you can watch all six seasons online (like I did in the past month or so) and then you too can get all choked up when you bid farewell to Larry, that scary-lovable sidekick Hank, and Artie! Oh, Larry's producer Artie!!! Thank God I have our producer Mr. Snodbottom!!

All this is to say that I am EMOTIONALLY SPENT!! And also Tyler if you're reading this could you bring some more tissues to my office. This time I really do need them because I'm crying (I swear!) And now- I have to find a new show to watch!! Oh Michael- Goodbyes ARE a bitch!!!!

I'll miss you Larry! I'll miss you Michael!! (Michael please come back when "The Office" goes off for good!!! Or else I might not weep enough tears to refill the river Jordan!)

P.S. In 50 years when our show ends (or when the internet is shut off and/or podcasts are no longer a thing) you know there will be tears!!! Long, long, very lengthy clip packages and TEARS!

Is Netflix Ruining Your Life?

I remember the old days- when I'd spend the summer riding my bike to the old video store at sunset. I'd load up and rent 5 old vhs movies (from the middle of the store- new releases were excluded) for $5 and head home for days of entertainment!!

Okay- I never rode my bike. I was too bloated from Little Debbie cakes. But I did rent lots of non-new movies for cheap and hole up in my bedroom and see if they were worth the buck I'd spent to rent them. Nowadays- we computer types have Netflix streaming- where you can watch so many movies and full series runs of TV shows that someone coined the phrase "Netflix Streaming Syndrome."

Symptoms include:

Insomnia brought on by watching every episode of a compelling series in a row at the expense of getting a good night's sleep.

Anti-social behavior as a result of staying in and making it a "Netflix night" rather than going out in public and seeing other human beings.

Blackouts induced by spending an entire day watching movies back-to-back.

I haven't lost my job from it or anything- but I am currently in the middle of season 4 of "The Larry Sanders Show" and I do really want to get home to watch more!! Does that count? Do I have a light case of Netflix Streaming Syndrome? Is my NSS only offset by my concurrent addiction to Hulu? Speaking of- before I watch more Larry tonight- I have to watch last night's "Glee" (catch the first season streaming on Netflix!) Read more about the (currently fictional) NSS HERE!

Boy, things are different from 200 million years ago when I was a kid!