Halloween How-To #2

If you have Netflix streaming or if you view Hulu, there are wonders of Halloween-ish things to watch.

Example: You can watch the entire series run of "The X-Files" on Netflix! And you know what that means: you can watch season 7's "Fight Club" episode starring David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson, . . .

Yes! Our Lady of Broadcast Comedians!!

Double, double! Toil and trouble! It's TWO Griffins for the price of one! She's sisters everybody!

It's a one-two-knockout! Watching creepy things on Netflix= Happy Halloween.

Trailer Park Reviews!

This weekend is definitely a toss up movie-wise. As we all look to see whether any movie can possibly give Batman the smackdown (No). Well, we at least look to see what might come in at 2, 3, and 7.

The X-Files: I Want to Believe:

Kendall: Yes! I always wanted to get into the show, and now here's my chance. I'll have to TiVo some old episodes to get in the mood. Spooky alien good times!

Cliff: You better believe it! Mulder and Scully remain two of my favorite TV pals from the awkward teenage years- and I wouldn't give up on them now!! I'm looking forward to seeing what they've got up their sleaves this many years later. I just hope this one somehow squeaks out enough money so they'll make another!

Stepbrothers:

Kendall: Yes!! Hello, Laughter? It's Kendall on the line! Will Ferrell re-teaming with his "Elf" costar Mary Steenburgen seems like a sure fire cure for the unemployment blues! And look at John C. Reilly's face: only a mother could love it, but the whole world can laugh with it!

Cliff: Only if this movie were one continuous stream of bunkbeds collapsing in on one another would I say yes. And I'm willing to bet there are at least a few scenes with no one being squished by a broken piece of furniture- so No!

Too Much $$$? Solution!

So by now you know that George W. Bush wants to stimulate you (economically). And I'm sure you're finding yourself thinking, "well, gosh I just gots to help out our faltering economy so that we can build a better mousetrap to catch all the terrorists by their curly little corkscrew tails." You were thinking that right?

Well- Kendall and I have a solution FOR YOU!! Here are some ways to spend that FAT check from Uncle Sam. (Whatever you do: DO NOT SAVE IT, and sure enough DO NOT PAY DOWN CREDIT CARDS WITH IT. I don't care what Suze Orman tells you to do. She's got Oprah money.)

A) If you've a hairy back like some podcaster you've never heard of: You'll need a large quantity of Nair to get rid of that mess! Go from hot tranny mess to hot tranny in minutes with Nair hair removal lotion!

B) You will want to bone up for this summer's big TV Shows turned Movies- "Sex and the City" arrives in theaters in 2 weeks with "The X-Files" on its trail in July. And for these summer event films you will need to refresh your memory: Did Carrie really like shoes or did she really like office supplies? Was Scully's father abducted by the Cigarette Smoking Man? Fun Fact: Mulder's sister was named Samantha- just like Carrie's sluttiest friend!!

C) Blow your wad on eBay! You can find ways to spend your money (many times over) on things like a cookie jar or Batman's utility belt! (Each currently going for thousands of dollars- snotrags to rich bitches like you are now!)

Movie + TV = GOLD

Last year was the summer where every film was the 3rd in some sort of movie franchise ("Pirates 3," "Shrek 3," "Spiderman 3," with the notable exceptions of "Harry Potter 5" and "The Simpsons Movie 1"). But for 2008 Hollywood has found another well of pre-existing and fondly regarded characters: Television.

This means we will be treated to films based on the shows "Sex and the City" and "The X-Files." And I must say I am quite excited about both. I wanna know how many shoes Carrie has bought since '04 and I want to know if the Truth is Still Out There with Mulder and Scully and I'm pretty sure they had a baby together, but since I can't afford the complete series DVD set I'll have to hope for a Sci-fi channel marathon to refresh my memory. (To refresh your memories about these shows click here for: "Sex and the City" and here for "The X-Files."

So in honor of these hotly anticipated (by me) releases, here are some other shows that I want movies made from (with the real characters, not a movie based on the show like "The Beverly Hillbillies" or "Miami Vice.")

"30 Rock"

Obviously the best show on television would be the best movie in the theaters! Imagine this scenario: Jack forces Liz and company to write/produce a new movie for Tracy. There are already plenty of options for what film this could be, from Tracy's proposed Jefferson movie to Phat Bitch 2. Maybe even a sequel to the Rural Juror, but with Tracy edging Jenna out as the star, just like on the show!

"Arrested Development":

This has actually been discussed several places, and is maybe more than a dream for the show's loayal cult. I don' t know what the plot would be, but it would be funny! Bring back Ann!

"The Mary Tyler Moore Show":

Hurry! Mary and company (sadly, minus Ted) have only a few good years left- and what better way to spend them than by shooting "The Mary Tyler Moore Show Movie"? I know they made a TV movie about Mary and Rhoda and it was wonderful, but left so many questions unanswered. Where's Phyllis? Does Lou still work for that newspaper even though he's nearly twenty years past retirement age? Is Sue Ann still a sexpot since she's now an octogenarian? Is Murray dead? Tell us Mare!!

"Strangers with Candy":

I know they already made a movie too, and a theatrical release nonetheless. And even though it was good- they deserve another shot. If there was ever a show that could be the next show-turned-movie-turned-film-series (like "Star Trek") it is "Strangers with Candy." C'mon, Jerri Blank lights up the screen!

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer":

Following in the tradition of movies-turned-musicals-turned-back-into-movies, "Buffy" is a show that was a movie turned show that should go movie again! The fans are still rabid, and hankering for another trip back to Sunnydale (nevermind that when we left it, Sunnydale was nothing but a large crater). And what with crash diets and special effects, Angel and Spike could look really close to not a day older than when we met them. I think we need to know if Cordelia is still a god, Willow is still a lesbian, and if Anya is still dead.

"The Golden Girls":

Of course some zing would be gone now that Sophia is no longer able to be in the film. It could be dedicated to her though, and would still assuredly be the highest grossing film of all time. People would line up weeks before the release, dressed as their favorite Girl in shoulder padded pastel suits. People love funny old broads!! It's true, just looks at uh, "The Golden Girls"! It was the original "Sex and the City" and still holds up today as it did then. Hurry Hollywood- the clock is ticking!