Saturday, October 13, 2012

Halloween Success Tip #1

Halloween Success Tip #1:

Spend all your money on the Halloween versions of things! Satan knows I have!  For instance, buy and then ingest a Halloween version of donut holes!  They taste like pure sugar- so they're normal and haven't had a flavor modification. Admittedly, I ate probably fifteen and threw the rest out the window as I drove home from the grocery store. (Stray dogs cheered no doubt when they sniffed 'em out on the roadside.)

Also, why not say, "F*** my Roth IRA- I'll buy some Halloween yogurt!" I said just that and was never happier than during the 90 seconds it took me to eat Frankenstein's official dairy product. If regular yogurt has live cultures, does Halloween yogurt have undead cultures?*

It's also okay to enjoy Halloween editions of products you always get anyway. I felt a terrifying tingle upon my spine when I pulled this Netflix envelope from my mailbox.

Oh and yeah- Oreos too!! You may want to sit down, because I ate all the Oreos. (Probably in one sitting, but who can remember?)

*Warning to hack comedians: Don't steal this hilarious observation!

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