I'd forgotten how long the intro to "Tales From the Crypt" was! It rivals only the theme song of "Cliff and Kendall: Coast 2 Coast" in length, BUT when "Tales" at long last begins, the viewer is met with someone far thinner! It's the Cryptkeeper himself, and he's not only skinnier- he's also got better hair this week than Cliff and/or Kendall! DAMMIT!
Before my jealousy of the Cryptkeeper's tiny waistline could develop into full blown rage, the story begins. "Let the Punishment Fit the Crime" stars the #1 talent Catherine O'Hara as a lawyer of the ambulance chasing variety. Catherine the lawyer is stuck in a place pronounced 'Styxville' and the residents are kinda prickly. She may have just been brought in by police on charges pertaining to her license plate, but she's going after this guy in a cast. She thinks he might have a case! She gives him her card, but he wheels away before she could land him. But that's not all . . .
This episode also stars Janosz from "Ghostbusters 2"/The Biscuit from "Ally McBeal." He does a great job as Catherine's court-provided defense, even though judging by his outfit I'd say the producers wanted Rick Moranis. I'm also jealous of his hair! I don't care if it's a wig, I can imagine it was real!
ALSO: No cell reception! Even for really big phones like Catherine's!
Catherine's number was called and they head off to court and eventually, mostly due to the Biscuit's bumbling, Catherine is sentenced to 10 lashes!
Her license plate had only 5 digits and that ain't right! This guy was also judgmental of Catherine's attitude and law-practicing ethics!
Here, she's being dragged from the courtroom even after all her pleas for sanity. How could they not listen to a woman in an outfit that smart?
On her way to carry out her sentence, Catherine runs into a guy who just had his nose cut off for some alleged nose-related crime!
"OH SHIT," I bet she was thinking!
Oh shit- just in time- the Biscuit comes with word that a judge will now hear Catherine's appeal.
The second judge hears her case but instead of letting her off, he changes her sentence to 10 years in the pillory! What is that???
Worse yet, as Catherine is hanging out she is visited by the bloody ghosts of those her unethical ways have harmed. Then . . .
Back to court! Like Simon Cowell on 'American Idol,' Judge #3 is quick and harsh. DEATH by electrocution! Catherine begs for community service and surprisingly the judge relents!
Biscuit is like, "Did I miss something?" Catherine makes for the door!
Too bad for Catherine that door led to this chair which is surrounded by those same ghosts that were haranguing her when she was locked up.
In another twist, it's Biscuit that jumps in the chair. He's leaving this place and the mercy seat is his only way out! As the current flows into Biscuit, we're thrown one more twist:
Catherine is now a public defender in hell forever!!!
ALSO: She even has to wear the outfit!
Final Fun Fact: I did mention how jealous I was of the Cryptkeeper's skinny body and excess of hair, right?