Saturday, August 3, 2013

"The Brady Bunch" Season 4, Episode 15. My Take

The show may have been called "The Brady Bunch," but this episode belongs to Greg Brady, who was 18 when this episode aired in 1973. It must be a blessing and a curse for Barry Williams to have his white hot youth (when he was really hot and really white) captured forever on film and HERE on youtube. 

This is the famed "exact words" episode (or it should be famed!) that sees Greg Brady pitted against his parents in a battle of, you guessed it: exact words! The epic struggle begins when Bobby innocently enough drops the bombshell that Greg was distracted while driving (a very 2013 problem to have). Greg wasn't tweeting to his friends though, he was looking at the back of a new record album (back to 1973! OMG this episode is 40 years old! Kill me now!) Then Greg Gets Grounded!

Okay, my will to live has been restored thanks to Greg Brady adamantly defending himself. The defense doesn't work though. He may be a teen heart-throb, but he's still grounded from driving the family car for a week! Dammit, he was going to go buy some rock tickets (probably Deep Purple or Grand Funk Railroad)!! But that's not all . . . 

Meanwhile out on the astro-turf . . . Peter is seen handling a GIANT DEATH FROG. Pete takes off that stupid hat and . . . 

. . . sits the hat on the GIANT DEATH FROG! In this episode's only Alice sighting, she's scared by a GIANT DEATH FROG under a hat. Poor Alice! 

Peter just sits there looking exactly like Harry Styles from One Direction. 

Inside, it's getting heavy as Greg begs Mike to let him use the car. But, that Brady won't budge!

Greg is not amused and will stand here and smolder all day long if he has to! He needs those rock tickets!!

Greg hits his little black book, not to call chicks he's banged but to call a friend about a car. 

At this point we finally see Marcia Marcia Marcia who is barely barely barely in this episode. This one is all Greg Brady all the time and all I can say is, "Thank God for small favors!" 

At the market Carol runs into this lady who obviously has a few screws loose! Evidence: she's got rollers in her hair AND she accidentally gives up Greg's secret! It seems he borrowed his friend's car to get those rock tickets! Carol is not amused. 

"Hey!" Greg shouts. In an argument that makes a lot of sense to me, Greg says he was only forbidden to drive the Brady-mobile. No one mentioned any other cars! Mike and Carol come back with a lame, "You knew what we meant!" But Greg's got this one tied up in a neat little package. 

Greg, not just a dreamboat, but also a sensible young Brady, can't sleep when trouble is a'foot. 

This calls for a late night pajama chat with the parents (also in pajamas). At this point, it's decided among Bradys to live by "exact words." 

For the kids who got to this page by mistake when they googled the phrase "Frog Olympics," the next day the other Brady kids hung out in the back yard practicing for the Frog Olympics. 

I don't know how many Emmys "The Brady Bunch" ever got (I'm guessing few), but these Brady kids all deserved several for their work with numerous live GIANT DEATH FROGS. Only Marcia reacts like I would- "JAN GET THAT FUCKING THING AWAY FROM ME OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL KILL YOU."

Later that night, Greg comes down to gloat about living up to his exact words that day. My take: his exact words must have been "I'm gonna show the world that green bathrobes can be sexy." Mike's take: Greg didn't wash the car!

Greg Brady's midnight barefoot, er . . . flip flop car wash it is! 

OOPS! Greg Brady's all wet . . . sounds like the beginning of an adult version of this episode . . . 

Whoa! If this is the porno version, it's not the one I wrote (which had Greg Brady drying off with a towel and walking in on 'The Monkee's' Davy Jones . . .) Nope, this is still reality- and Carol has some exact words for Greg: Do the dishes! 

Man, whoever wrote this episode must have wanted to see Greg Brady all wet several times. He's soaked again while he's doing the dishes! (Speaking of dishes, maybe Alice was away for a romantic weekend with Sam at a Meat Convention?)

Speaking of Emmys, give Peter and Bobby a few more for dealing with a box full of GIANT DEATH FROGS! There were huge frogs hopping all over the place and they will haunt my nightmares for months! (Confession: I have intense frog fear.)

Speaking of those horrible frogs, the Frog Olympics is the same night as the concert! Greg's exact words were "I'll drive you to the Frog Olympics." DAMMIT!

Greg calls his date, hoping she'll understand. Will she?

Hells yeah! She's warm for his form y'all! She'll take any Greg Brady she can get! She suggests they see a movie after the Frog Olympics. How much of a movie can you see when you have your tongue down a throat though, really?

As if there was ever any doubt! 

After the Frog Olympics, it's hot date time at the drive-in. Greg's bought a pizza pie for "after" and a popcorn bucket for the old "popcorn bucket" trick. Then HELL hops out of the back seat. 

This actress now gets my vote for luckiest (dating Greg Brady) and bravest (a GIANT DEATH FROG really jumped on her fucking head) thespian on the planet. Bobby and Peter forgot their damn frogs in the car! 

Nothing was safe from those DEMON FROGS!


At home, Greg, Mike, and Carol laugh about how disgusting it all was. Greg leaves out the part about forgetting to use birth control with his date. After this Greg probably went back out to the astro-turf to smoke a few more doobies! 

Then Mike and Carol had sex. 

Final Fun Fact: The Brady lawn really was made of astro-turf just as legend suggests. 

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