Ellen Recap

Why am I talking so much about the 90's sitcom "Ellen"? Because more people should be! That's why! I've also recently noticed that 4/5 of its seasons are insanely high priced because they're out of print. And that ain't right! 

So without anymore filler, the totally straight Queen Latifah guest sang the theme song in season 4. Also David Crosby was on an episode- and the funny thing is- I saw a guy who looked just like David Crosby last night!!!! Another funny thing is- CHILDREN DO NOT KNOW WHO DAVID CROSBY IS! 

OR WHO BING CROSBY IS!! I'm having a moment here. 

Look What's on DVD!

Oh Ted- I'm still in love with you!! "Hey Dude" the Nickelodeon show that ran in my youth (and your's?) is finally coming to DVD!

What happened to the days when kids were entertained by an ethnically diverse group of teens working on a dude ranch? These days it's all superstar tweens hiding in plain sight and seizure cartoons! Don't they see how dreamy Ted was?

If you're not in it for Ted (I don't understand you), but you might like the fact that it also stars Marcia Brady from the Brady movies and some butch gal who must have been related to Jo from "The Facts of Life." Oh! And a real live Native American! (He provided the ethnic diversity). At least this is what I can recall from my days as an 8 year old hopped up on Little Debbies watching Nickelodeon. Don't quote me!

Cliff & Kendall Babies Pt. 2!

This chubby 3 year old from China weighs 132 lbs! Cliff and Kendall were at least four and a half when they hit that mark on the scale!

Seriously, this (like Cliff and Kendall's own obesity) is sad. The 3 year old's parents say he can eat 3 bowls of rice in one sitting, and he cries nonstop if he doesn't get enough food! Sounds familiar!

Read more HERE. Hope he gets some help!

Cliff & Kendall Babies!

This young child is the star of the new kids' series "Cliff & Kendall Babies"! A group of spunky obese children get together at a bakery each week and discuss their extreme food addictions!

Please Stop Fucking!!!!

In a bit of horrible news that I totally called on a podcast earlier this summer- the incredibly irresponsible and IDIOTIC Duggar family is about to unleash another child onto this overpopulated planet!

NO THANK YOU!

I knew from the title of their insanely ludicrous TV Show "18 & Counting . . ." that they would have another child. TLC probably paid for it! These people need a fucking condom, vasectomy, hysterectomy, BIRTH CONTROL, or something!!! I understand the opposition to abortion- but wear a FUCKING RUBBER!!!

STOP HAVING SO MANY FUCKING BABIES!!!!! THEY ARE STEALING ALL MY OXYGEN!

(I know all the kids are cute and shit, but does any one family need 19 people???? What if we all did that? We would have to mow down every inch of forest, fill in all the lakes and rivers, and build houses on the polar ice caps, and still we would all die. I just know it!)

For Kendall

This is why Kendall and I are the way we are. It's also the reason Kendall believed he was a mannequin in the story his mother told on our Mother's Day episode. Come- experience intense deja vu with us, won't you??

No Sex Pants- For Teens!

The teen-centric pants above are available for girls from K-mart, America's 8th favorite discount superstore, and are sure to become a hit! What young girl doesn't want to advertise her chastity all over her ass?

Let me tell you, those pants are gonna sell out in TN. "True Love Waits" is very big there, or at least it was in high schools around the turn of the millennium. Several kids even wore promise rings- not to their future fiances mind you- but to themselves/Jesus that they'd never give in to the naughty urges until their weddin' nights. If the Honda Accord is rockin' don't come a knockin'! But mostly the ones who wore the self-promise rings were the types who need not make a vow to maintain celibate. They pretty much were assured to remain that way unless drastic measures were taken (re: $$$, or Jack Daniels interference).

Also pictured is my high school: Greenbrier High School to be exact, and a few fellows these pants are sure to please. The currently rotting corpse of Jerry Falwell, the currently rotting Pope, and a caricature of Jesus.

Below are a few designs I came up with myself. In case Kendall and I rise to the Z List and need a hobby like clothing design.

Below is one more pair. Too political?? I'm just trying to heal the party y'all!