Saturday, October 5, 2013

Jake Gyllenhaal in "Prisoners" (In Theaters Now!)

I do not recall shooting a cameo in Jake Gyllenhaal's new edge-of-your-seat-crime-thriller-future-Oscar-nominee-probable-winner "Prisoners"! Yet, that must be me on the left above. It looks just like me- 31 years old- oh fuck 32 years old!!! Oh god- ravaged by time and bloated from the 12 snickerdoodles, 1 frozen pizza, 1 bucket full of Brand-X cinnamon toast crunch, and 1 entire box of cookies and cream ice cream that I ate the previous night, before passing out around no kidding 5 PM

Jake can't even look at me. He's saying "Just hurry up and pass you fucking tub of lard excuse for a human being!" I wouldn't say this about another person but since THAT'S ME UP THERE NEXT TO JAKE . . . 

Anyway, if you haven't seen "Prisoners" yet, what's the deal?!?! Have you been tied up in a basement??

Even though Jake is a hard-boiled detective who gets results, he still has puppy dog eyes to get lost in. You can lose yourself as he blinks while deep in thought and also as he gives looks that say, "Give me the truth perp!!!" 

Even his world-weary smiles light up the screen! So walk, don't run (it's just safer), to see 5 Oscar nominees and 1 Oscar winner (by my count) in "Prisoners"! It's a 4 star film that features Jake Gyllenhaal (who can crack my case any time!)

If you're on the fence, don't forget- this can be you in the theater! You'll choke on your popcorn with every plot twist! 

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