More Like WORST Picture!

So the Oscars are coming up!! And guess what- I couldn't care less what will win Best Picture! I assume it will be "Avatar" or "The Hurt Locker"- both of which were good enough, but neither did I write home about. I preferred "Precious" or "Up" or the un-nominee "Star Trek" by a space-mile.

But anyway! THIS ARTICLE delves into their top 10 Best Picture upsets! The one's that made people stand up and shout "That won?!?!?" or at least mumble "Fuck this shit" and then flip the channel over to an old "Andy Griffith." Maybe that was just me.

But anyway! They cover a few I would agree with and couple I don't (try to guess which ones!) I thought "Crash" was fair enough to sit through once- but better than "Brokeback Mountain"? Methinks not! I also blorched when "Shakespeare in Love" shut down "Saving Private Ryan." And don't get me started on "A Beautiful Mind" beating out "Moulin Rouge" and "In the Bedroom."

Which undeserving winners will be announced this year? (Hint: I LOVE her, really- "Hope Floats" is a sentimental favorite of mine but . . .)

Harry Potter Wants Gays to Not Kill Selves

Lil' Daniel Radcliffe has apparently just filmed a PSA for 'The Trevor Project'- an organization that aims to decrease suicide of gay teenagers. I think this is obviously great and am sad it will probably not air on network television because the only ads they will run are pro-life spots where football players tackle their moms or "my wife always be naggin' and sucking the life out of me!!" car commercials.

I would add a misanthropic comment about me personally wanting to die and claim my golden chair in the golden podcast booth of glory that's awaiting me in the sweet by and by for our future show "Cliff and Kendall: Cloud to Cloud" (which is currently running in Heaven- this week's guest hosts are Tennessee Williams and Doubting Thomas, with special guest Shari Lewis & Lambchop) but such a comment would seem out of place and in the poorest of taste.

Read about the PSA HERE! To call and leave voicemail on another kind of hotline: 818-308-4FAT (The Cliff and Kendall Hotline! We can't be bothered to answer though, so just say your peace and hang up. We love you! Don't kill yourselves! Our show and your heart will go on & on!)

Speed it Up a Little!

Try not to blorch!! But- there's another CGI animal coming your way! And he'll be here in a flash! Oh yes, in the grand cinematic tradition of Garfield, Scooby-Doo, and the Chipmunks comes Speedy Gonzales! With voice talent like George Lopez in the title role- you know you're in for a hell of a good yarn!

Decades from now, we'll be on space porches, sitting in space rocking chairs, saying "They just don't make movies like Speedy Gonzales anymore!"

Uh Oh- He's Gonna Sing!

Madonna's boyfriend Jesus who is not only 22 and very godlike in the looks department- is also a crooner!! He was signed by Warner Bros. (?- correct me if I'm wrong. I dare you.)

He's set to release his first single which may be called "We Come From Light" sometime this spring! I bet he had some help from someone we all know and idolize- Her Madgesty! If they duet let's hope it's as good as her collaboration with Ricky Martin "Be Careful with My Heart (Cuidado Mi Corazon)" which is actually amazing.

I just love Madonna's bagel boy! Read more HERE.

Wear Black for Johnny!

Good- I'm glad I caught you in time! Tomorrow is Johnny Cash's birthday (or would have been his 78th) and Rick Rubin- the producer of his final recordings- is asking YOU to celebrate!

Find out the details HERE, but really he just wants you to wear black for Johnny's birthday in honor of the poor and beaten down (and all those things he sang about in that one song about how he would always be the man in black).

I know I'll be wearing black for Johnny! Also I would be anyway because it's so slimming.

X-Files X-posed!

Mulder & Scully- where are you??? This looks like a job for science fictions' greatest twosome (I'm pretending the last movie didn't happen).

Britain has released tons of files (X?) related to their own UFO sitings- is this proof that we're not the only life forms in the universe? I, for one, hope so- and I hope that there are some life forms that look like Jabba the Hutt so I will no longer feel like the fattest one in the galaxy.

Read all about it HERE

Kevin Smith is too fat (just like us) to fly on southwest

As you already know if you saw his hundreds of tweets or heard his podcast, Kevin Smith boarded a Southwest flight Saturday from Oakland to Burbank, took his seat, and then was approached by a flight attendant. She asked about his weight and wanted to know if he fit between the armrests on either side. He did, but she told him he was too fat and kicked him off the plane anyway.

“I broke no regulation, offered no ’safety risk’. I saw someone bigger than me on THAT flight! But I wasn’t about to throw a fellow Fatty under the plane as I’m being profiled. But he & I made eye contact, & he was like ‘Please don’t tell…’”

Southwest says it was a matter of safety. They also assume they’re going to crash.

“…a timely exit from the aircraft in the event of an emergency might be compromised if we allow a cramped, restricted seating arrangement.”

I think most would agree that Smith is, um, “plus sized”, but no more so than 200 other waddling asses you could see at the mall right now. Maybe the problem is Southwests slave-ship style seating. Do you really want to fly on an airline where the line between life and death in an accident is this tight. If Kevin Smith is a safety risk, maybe they should widen the god damn aisles and fatty-proof their planes a little better. If anything, I’d rather fly on a plane stuffed with fat people, because I feel like it might bounce if we crashed.

Guns for Babies! Utensils for Stupid Women!

Check out these old ads- HERE to see how far we've come from the bad old days when the rich white guys were in charge! So glad we've moved on.

I particularly like the one's that threaten a wife with a spanking! The Ricardos were just representing reality!

Finally!! Someone Calls Out the Monstrous Duggar Family!

"People" Magazine has at last mustered the BALLS to call out the grotesque Duggar family for using up all my oxygen!!!

They say they want more children!!! "Our hearts haven't changed" they say- well, you know what??? The fucking world has changed!!! There's now less elbow room than ever thanks to your litter- excuse me litterS of kids!

Use some birth control or hey- just STOP FUCKING!

For Your Homophobe Consideration

THIS is an interesting article about how those marketing films sometimes (try to) remove all hints that a movie contains a gay character. It points to the upcoming terrible looking movie "Valentine's Day" (sorry Julia!) as an example.

Just so you know!! Bradley Cooper's character is a **BIG CHER FAN** (wink, wink). I knew this somehow before (read it somewhere? traveled to the future and then forgot about it?) but did notice it looks in the trailers like he's all up on Julia Roberts' grill. As any "Steel Magnolias"-loving gay guy worth his salt would be!

The Guy Behind Her Was Probably Angry!

I just love that this is how Lady Gaga SAT IN THE AUDIENCE at the Grammy's! There is no stopping her!