Frankenstein's Moon

Did you know scientists have long doubted Mary Shelley's account of what drove her to write the novel "Frankenstein"? Why do scientists give a shit? I don't know- but click HERE and read all bout it!

Apparently, other scientists are now disputing this! They agree that maybe MS was awakened in the night by a shining full moon and then she wrote that book. Although, I thought she was dared to write the book? Who knows? Who cares? I read that book in 8th grade and hated it so violently that I actually burned it after the class was over. I BURNED it. True story.

I was in 8th grade- my brain wasn't fully formed. I still like Frankenstein (the movie monster) though!

Celebrity Scientologists!

C'mon- you know it's kind of fascinating to hear which celebrities are scientologists! They believe in Xenu, a space alien (it's true- go HERE to see more about their beautiful sci-faith) and go HERE to see a list of 10 of Hollywood's favorite Xenu-Freaks!

Cliff and Kendall think every religion not associated with a Pope is great- so praise the most high Xenu everyone! If you stop in the NY subway to have a "Stress Test" you'll soon be going home with your very own copy of Dianetics and then you'll have the fun of signing over your paycheck to the moon! (I guess). At any rate you'll be in the company of celebs like Dancing superstar Kirstie Alley, one time sex symbol Tom Cruise, and current Cliff and Kendall look-a-like John Travolta! Also, that one girl from Mad Men, and more!!

Seriously, I think worshipping crazy stuff is great. Aliens are cool, right? Check out this collage of things I "worship" (below).

(I just really like blue sweatpants, okay?)

Is Time "On-Demand"?

Time comes to us "On-Demand" just like last week's episode of 'The Office." For more insights on "being" and "The Universe" click HERE. Don't you want to know why you will always exist?

X-Files X-posed!

Mulder & Scully- where are you??? This looks like a job for science fictions' greatest twosome (I'm pretending the last movie didn't happen).

Britain has released tons of files (X?) related to their own UFO sitings- is this proof that we're not the only life forms in the universe? I, for one, hope so- and I hope that there are some life forms that look like Jabba the Hutt so I will no longer feel like the fattest one in the galaxy.

Read all about it HERE

Vampire Skull Found!!!

Yes it is TRUE!!!!  Click HERE to find out about this devilish and unearthly person of the night!

TV Right into Your BRAIN- 10 yrs Away!

Okay so follow THIS LINK to read somebody who says that contact lens TVs are TEN YEARS AWAY!!! So on the way to my twentieth high school reunion I can watch TV in my eyes. They also say that there are receptors (or some technical mumbo jumbo) that will adhere to you and relay the emotions of the characters to your brain! They use the example of James Bond- but I'd rather not feel as though I'm falling from a helicopter.

My ONLY concern with this- who needs an imagination or break from TV?? Not your grandkids!!- concern: can these Eye-TVs play my old dvds?? Can I watch Lucy under my eyelids? Can brain receptors tell me what it feels like to try and catch up with the candy machine? Taste Vitameatavegamin? Be continually told I can't be in the show at the Tropicana??? Godspeed scientists!!!

it's time for a Cliff and Kendall cartoon!

**click for larger**

More Bad News for Fatties!

Looking at the four hot dudes above, what would you guess is the difference between the unfortunate pair in the middle and the two slices of hot sex on the sides? Would you have guessed their SPERM??

Well according to this article a fat man's sperm is much worse than that of a skinny dude! Fatness leads to infertility apparently. Sucks for an already sad portion of human males. Other things that might affect sperm are excessive alcohol consumption, drug use, and wasting it all in a bathroom towel, boys!

Dairy Design Do-Over!

Boy them times are a'changin' again! America's favorite jugs are being redesigned- and we ain't talkin' 'bout Pamela Anderson's hooters!!!!!!

Milk jugs are being made in a new rectangular, more boxular design so as to save space while being shipped and to make the world a greener place. Some moo-juice gulpers aren't happy about this though. The angular white-stuff containers can be tricky on the pour out. Cliff and Kendall have a bit of advice for those who think pour-age is more important than a sustainable earth: Get the fuck over it!

Click HERE to read all about it.

So Long, North Pole

Click HERE to read about the extreme likelyhood of the ice melting from the North Pole this summer. There's a fun betting pool going on with the scientists!

Now obviously two things come to my mind with this information. Where will Santa and his elves make my toys, and HOLY COW WE ARE FUCKED.

Sarcasm = Evolution

According to reports from scientists in white lab coats, sarcasm is a trait that has evolved over bazillions of years and this means that I am easily the most evolved guy on the planet. Suck it, bitches!

You can read the news story HERE. I am so lucky to be so evolved and ahead of most of the rest of the human race. Lucky me!! Although it does get taxing sometimes to be unable to enjoy things sincerely, lacing every single thought with irony. But I guess that's my lot in life- and my place in the universe.

Is Your Brain Gay?

Well, those snooty scientists have run some more "tests" and found out that gay men's brains are similar in many ways to those of straight women. AND that the brains of lesbians bare a resemblance to those of hetero mens!

What does this mean for all those stupid ass followers of the dead Jerry Falwell?? God only knows!

Read more HERE.