It's time to head over to the crazy world of Westeros! Please forgive me if I misspell every character's name because I am just not looking that up. Okay- now we start the show with a very long theme song which I think is the right move. Gives you time to go #2, order a pizza, or possibly both at once (Dominos app while you crap).
We meet the Mountain as he is killing a bunch of people for reasons we don't ask for fear that he's killing people who come up and ask him why he's killing all these people. Then Sircy (the evil Mother of dead'n evil Joffrey) asks Mountain to do her a solid and kill someone- he doesn't even care who it is!!! I HOPE HE DIES SOON.
Meanwhile up North, Jon Snow is trying to warn that really ugly guy about an impending onslaught of Wildlings and no one will give him the time of day! Why does no one listen to Jon Snow? Is it his naturally curly hair? Are the men at the wall intimidated by it? Speaking of that ugly guy who is always coming down on Jon Snow- I HOPE HE DIES SOON.
In prison: Tyrion's sure-thing champion begs off, ending a friendship I thought had serious legs! I thought Braun would do anything for Tyrion, but of course I was wrong! Uch, I hope he asks the Mountain why he's killing a bunch of people.
It's getting hot in here and a Khaleesi has her needs.
Luckily, the Prince of Egypt is here for the Khaleesi. He'll kill her enemies and keep her satisfied in a womanly way as well! KEEP HIM AROUND KHALEESI!
(BOINGING SPRING SOUND EFFECT)
Later in the show, Arya is sent a dire wolf gingerbread cookie. I was very jealous, and can't wait to order one of these at the Game of Thrones amusement park someday.
Late in the show we're all shocked to learn that all hope is not lost for Tyrion just yet!!
We're all moved to tears and arousal when the hot bi guy from Dorn volunteers as Tyrion's champion! KEEP HIM AROUND TYRION!
Finally, Salsa (who isn't staying at Edward Scissorhands' home, despite appearances) is bundled against the cold and then has a debate over the merits of a moon door with her severely ADHD cousin/betrothed.
For those who were wondering, this is a moon door- something everyone's just got to have! How else would you let your enemies drop 100s of feet to their deaths?
Spoiler Alert: The old Moon Door got used moments later when Little Finger gave skanky aunt the Middle Finger and dropped her out of the Moon Door! Moon Doors for all!! Hodor Moon Door!