Channing Tatum String Theory

When I think to myself of the report that Becky printed out which showed topics that drive up web-traffic, I'm reminded of a popular post we posted at some point before the Channing Tatum stripper movie came out.

It featured shots of Channing Tatum in his stripper days, dancing up a sharknado in his g-string (imagine, just imagine what that g-string would go for on ebay).

Did you know he was a stripper? (If not, what gulag were you just released from?) Well, he was. Did you also know that in the book of Deuteronomy G-d forbids men as fat as Cliff and Kendall from even taking off their hats!?!? True. Don't believe me? Buy the book.

An eternity in hell for not wearing hats!!! 

DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT

So I'm trying to eat right and then I go into the break room and who but Mrs. Potterbutter Butterchurn has sent in what but a Christmas in July Cake!!!!! How am I supposed to eat right when this is happening!?!?! And then . . . 

. . . Then Kendall not only orders out for fried spaghetti lunch specials, he ALSO stews up a pot full of macaroni and cheese. HOW AM I NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ENORMOUS!?!?!?!?!?