Twitter Search

For those who haven't had the joyful experience of following Cliff and Kendall on Twitter, this will be news to you! If you search for Cliff and Kendall, these are your results:

Cliff and Kendall

Some weirdo named Cliff Kendall

A Christian/Husband/Father named Cliff Kendall

OPRAH WINFREY

Lee Merriwether (Catwoman!)

You know what this proves? God loves us and wants us to be happy.

What a Wonderful World

Cliff and Kendall are influencing the world!!! Just look at the top 10 things trending on Yahoo! No, I don't give a shit about debt ceilings! And who the fuck is Bree Boyce? WHO CARES!?!?

OPRAH-JAKE-ROSEANNE-FRANCO!

Have a scroll down the blog and you will see so many of their faces! And I don't go a day without trying to Oprah-fy myself! (Especially since, as you'll hear on this week's show, I'm a talk show host with a supporting roll in an independent film!)

Maybe today will be great?

**UPDATE: Turns out Bree Boyce is a beauty queen who lost 110 pounds and has written (no kidding) a book about OBESITY! Another score for Cliff and Kendall!**

How About SUMMER Cleaning?

That's what we're up to in the studio! Cleaned out the storage closet (filled the recycling bins behind the building with Fiber bar boxes alone!) and aren't stopping til the whole place is sparkling clean!

Above: things are piled up in the corner so Tyler can sweep!

Here's an old snapshot of Tyler I found in my desk drawer. It was the one he included in his resume. But don't think I gave him the job because of his looks! It was mostly due to the work ethic he described in his curriculum vitae. He works his abs 5 days a week! Pecs 4 days and arms 6 days!! That's dedication!

And finally, we even cleaned out the refrigerator- I was afraid all this ice cream would go bad! What should I do with it?

A Cry For Help

PRAY FOR US

SORRY for the Last Post!!!

My assistant Tyler hacked into our blog (is it considered hacking if I just didn't log out?) and posted the morally dubious post that precedes this one. Try not to look- you may be corrupted beyond recognition!

Anyway, Mr. Snodbottom wants you to know that "Cliff and Kendall: Coast 2 Coast Enterprises Incorporated Partners LLC" does not condone any illegal activities! Not even going 70 in a 65!

Tyler will be doing some extra push-ups this morning to pay for this one (whenever he finally wakes up!)

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity."
— Gilda Radner

GO GREEN EVERYBODY!!! LOLLLL

Yo wasssup!?! It's Cliff''s asst Tyler! Saturday nizight and I'm stuck in the office!!! Cliff and KEndall axed me to clean out the storage closet, but YO MAN! It's saturday nite- shitttttt I have to relax after a long week.

So I sparked up a doob and am gonna put up some pics from mister Cliff's desktop! (No Cliff I didnt go into the folder marked "Tyler Don't Look"- Thank GOD)

Here's a collage of me that Cliff made for some reason. Prolly for a job well done y'all!!! He made me iron his pants (they was big like a table cloth) but it's all GOOD IN da Hood TONIGHT- wish I had that hotdog right now! Dont know when cliff took a pic of me skoking- I was prolly out of it

HIT THE BONG Y'ALL! Like this dude- whoever he izzz

I do have on C&K's new episode-

and it's so much more funnier after you smoked a FAT BLUNT

Here's me at Mr. S and Mrs. Pottterblutter Nutterburn's wedding.

Cliff took this pic while I wuz changin-

but I think he really was tryin to snap a shot of the food table behind me LOLLLL

(cliff knows wassup!)

Here is Kendall in his natural habitat LMFAO!!!!

No its wierd cuz usually I have to go buy all their food for them

Snapped this pic of Cliff while we was at Subway- GUESS WHERE I HAD TO DRIVE HIM AFTER LOLLLLLLL

Oh shnap- PRoof!!!

REMEMBER Y'ALL IT'S 420 SOMEWHERE!!! Smoke a fatty for Tyler 2Nite

How you like my weed collage up top? I'm aware as fuck- hope UR2

Kendall is HUGE!

A HUGE Star that is!!! He made an enormous debut on the newly cancelled "Law and Order: Los Angeles" on Monday night!

Enjoy these screenshots and imagine what Kendall was really thinking about during these scenes!

Here Kendall is thinking, "I wouldn't have had so much pasta for lunch

if I'd known I was going to be in a wide shot!"

Kendall's thoughts: "I'm glad I got to be one of the seated victims!"

Finally, finally, Kendall is thinking, "This guy should belch more."

Congratulations Kendall!! Great job!

(You can catch the whole episode on HERE on Hulu. It's titled "Hayden Tract.")

Look Who's Listening!

Looks like one celebrity can't get enough of Cliff and Kendall: Coast 2 Coast!! He can't even be bothered to take out his headphones when going into a Jamba Juice!

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

Grab a huge steaming plate of paella! It's Cinco de Mayo! Even though I am far too obese to go out and drink all the Coronas I'd like to- and eat all the burritos and nachos I'd like to- and finish off with all the non-Mexican Dairy Queen Blizzards I'd like to- it's still time to party down!!!

Look at that lady in the picture! She's ready to blow the lid off this joint!

So if you are looking for a low-cal way to spend the day (like me) then you can head HERE to listen to our excellent and MUY CALIENTE and truly controversial Cinco de Mayo show from last year! Even though it's a year old, the message we sent out is just as resonant today! (The message was "Happy Cinco de Mayo!")

And if you have your thinking cap on, head HERE to learn about what Cinco de Mayo is actually about!

Wedding Photo Dump

(The rumpus room of The Potterbutter Butterchurn Center for the Arts)

I know everyone is dying to see photos from Mrs. Potterbutter Butterchurn and Mr. Snodbottom's wedding!!

Well, I'm still dying to see most of them myself! (Kendall and I ensured that the photographer had a wide angle lens!) BUT- the photographer turned out to be a cold hard b*tch! Because, not only are we prohibited from sharing wedding photos with you on the blog, we also cannot share a photo of the bride and groom!! Some clause on the contract!! Mrs. Potterbutter Butterchurn had no idea- she's plenty peaved on her way to Niagra falls for the honeymoon!

Nonetheless- I have a few photos I took with my disposable camera. Tyler had them developed in the one-hour-photo and then scanned them. I only have a few, because it was the end of the roll (the first half was from last year's office Christmas party- but I look too fat to keep those shots!!!)

First Lady RheAnn (and another bridesmaid) share some bad jokes before the wedding begins

This is how Tyler shows up to the Wedding of the Century! I snapped this pic before I gave him his tuxedo (I picked it up from the dry cleaners just that morning!)

Great great grandchildren of Mrs. Potterbutter Butterchurn.

I tried to talk little Appalonia out of the hat- but she ignored me!

Snodbottom and Potterbutter Butterchurn cake toppers!

Pretty good likeness of them both, if you ask me!

Reception began just before sundown. None of us knew what this was! Turned out to be dough-balls covered in spun sugar. I ate most of it. One of Mrs. Pussybottom's delectable delights!

Did I mention there was an open bar? I got kind of wild with Mr. Snodbottom's niece Francine!

Mr. Snodbottom's groom's cake

Kendall and I spent plenty of time here!

(When we weren't busting sweet moves on the dance floor!)

Just before we left, Tyler snapped this picture of Kendall with his phone. Poor Kendall- he was so overcome with emotion!! (Okay- emotion and Jack Daniels!)

Cliff & Kendall Babies!

This young child is the star of the new kids' series "Cliff & Kendall Babies"! A group of spunky obese children get together at a bakery each week and discuss their extreme food addictions!

Fat Man Breaks Furniture

FYI: Sometimes when you are fat, and sit in a chair, this happens.

Share Our Joy!

Pardon us, but once in a while we like to pull the veil and shine the spotlight on someone who works behind the scenes here at "Cliff and Kendall: Coast 2 Coast." And today we'd like to congratulate the producer of our podcast, Mr. Snodbottom, for being named the Man of the Year by the Irritable Bowel Gazette!

Congratulations, sir! You deserve the award for showing us all that one afflicted with IBS can still live a life of dignity and prudence!

For Your Health!

Sewer Sludge Smoothie:

1 plumb

1 apple

1 banana

3/4 cup frozen spinach

1/4 cup frozen blueberries

1 packet Vitamin C supplement

2 packets no-cal fruit punch mix singles

1 packet no-cal lemonade mix singles

**Alternate title of this post: Goddammit this better make me lose 25 fucking pounds!**

Public Service Announcement

Here at Cliff and Kendall: Coast 2 Coast, we are all about helping people. (It's our favorite part of the job!) And so, herewith, is a Public Service Announcement.

If you are wearing a fanny pack:

Step 1: Admit you are wearing a fanny pack.

Step 2: Take off the fanny pack.

Step 3: Move rapidly toward a waste receptacle.

Step 4: Drop fanny pack into waste receptacle.

Step 5: Move hurriedly away from waste receptacle.

*Repeat with any other fanny packs you may wear/own.

**This works even better if you replace "waste receptacle" with "camp fire".

Fate Forgot Me

From People.com:

"Guess they have similar taste! Jake Gyllenhaal and Zac Efron bumped into each other outside the Solstice Sunglass Boutique in New York. According to a source, the guys both tried on the same shades while shopping separately. Gyllenhaal was there first and was soft-spoken and friendly while browsing the frames, the source says."

And where was I?!??!? At home in bed, eating a Dairy Queen Blizzard no doubt! Why did I never consider the possibility that my true calling in life is to work at a damn sunglasses store??!?

The Cliff and Kendall Drinking Game

Finally, we've made getting drunk fun again!

THE PLAYERS:

For 1 to 1,000!

THE RULES:

If you're playing against another team, split the DRINKING PROMPTS evenly among you. Or if you're playing alone (or for maximum drunkenness) you can drink to all of them!

THE DRINKING PROMPTS:

Take a drink when you hear . . .

A belch

Kendall's dinger

the compound word "disco stick"

Cliff or Kendall break into song

At the mention of the Cliff and Kendall "Extended Family"

(This includes Mr. Snodbottom, Mrs. Potterbutter Butterchurn, our First Lady, Frequent Guest Star Alan, etc.)

Cliff or Kendall talk about how fat they are

A Little Johnny joke

A joke that begins at the Pearly Gates

The listener addressed as "You"

That Sad Music

. . . and feel free to add and create your own! The list should be ever evolving!

THE WINNERS:

The ones who've won are those that have not yet passed out or gotten alcohol poisoning by the end of the show!

PLEASE PLAY THE CLIFF AND KENDALL DRINKING GAME RESPONSIBLY

Mrs. Potterbutter Butterchurn's Online!

Well, we finally talked her into it. Mrs. Potterbutter Butterchurn is online! She's on facebook and she's even tweeting!

She was none too pleased that she couldn't use the "Mrs." in her name, but we got her to briefly eschew etiquette in favor of being up to date. Oh, and her twitter username had to be absurdly short- it's @PttrbttrBtrchrn And if you've never tried to explain twitter to a lady with so much "life experience"- you should try it!

Now her fans can communicate with her and see what goes on in her daily life- or at least what she allows our assistant Tyler to post for her. He's currently trying to get her tweets to appear on our blog.

Feel free to "Friend," "Follow," and Welcome Mrs. Potterbutter Butterchurn into 2011!

Adult Snow Day!

If you should find yourself as an adult with a snow day- what should you do? Catch up on home repairs? Begin reading those Dickens books Oprah chose for her book club? Use the day to get a jump start on your taxes? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

You, of course, walk across the street to the liquor store!

You buy a box of wine!

You tap that shit and have a glass (or 7) while you watch movies in bed! Hey the wine's no Two-Buck Chuck, but if left out in the snow a little longer (or in the refrigerator) it'll be better than building any snowman.

Tip it, you goomba!

How We Spent New Year's Eve

. . . with Our Lady of Broadcast Comedians of course!!! We rocked in 2011 with she and Anderson Cooper and a few glasses of Maggie's precious 2 buck Chuck! Hmm . . . think I'll have a glass now.