You Take the Good, You Take the Bad . . .

Come darkness, come light . . . with the horrors of the world in full swing- grandmothers are being pepper sprayed for "Occupying" various places, the geniuses at NBC are trying to kill "Community," the sensitive artists in charge at ABC have launched an attack on "Cougar Town" and as scores of classy Americans/Nascar fans boo the first lady- we must also enjoy something good, actually Great we've been given:

A new Muppet movie!!! Seriously, America needs this you guys. If you're looking for a reason to believe in the future of mankind- look no further! And if you're gearing up for Wednesday, you may want to read THIS piece written by Whoopi Goldberg- a frequent Muppet guest star!

Cher Makes It All Better

Look I made a "Meme" for you! "What is a Meme?" you ask. Click HERE and find out! If you already know- enjoy! (You'll feel better if you think of Oscar winner Cher, by the way.)

Next time you're very angry, think of Cher! Think of her up on that Navy boat singing to sailors, think of her singing into a robot microphone for Believe, think of her slapping Nicolas Cage and telling him to "Snap out of it!" Think of her wearing the feathers of 10,000 birds as Half Breed, think of her gypsy Mama dancing for all the money they'd throw, think of her extolling the virtues of haircare products!!! Any thought of Cher will raise your spirits!!*

*These claims have not been verified by the FCC, FDA, or FFA. But they're probably true.

Quote of the Day!!

Do not anticipate trouble,

or worry about what may never happen.

Keep in the sunlight.

-Benjamin Franklin

Happy 70th Martha!

Today is Martha Stewart's 70th birthday! Did you know that? How could you not?

Click HERE to read some interesting facts about he Domestic Doyenne. A few tidbits:

· Her French bulldog, Francesca, is named after a prison friend.

· Martha once pitched a TV show about "rehabilitating ­errant women while they rehabilitated a house; a fixer-upper was bought in Norwalk." It never happened.

· Martha "insisted on personally approving every one" of the 3,000 items licensed through Macy's. According to her head of merchandising, at one meeting "Martha walked in with a pot, slammed it on the table, and goes,'This is crap. I don’t want my name on it.'"

Good for you, Martha!! If people didn't go around attaching their names to crappy products, this world would be a better place! (Of course, there'd likely be no 'Cliff and Kendall' . . .)

What a Wonderful World

Cliff and Kendall are influencing the world!!! Just look at the top 10 things trending on Yahoo! No, I don't give a shit about debt ceilings! And who the fuck is Bree Boyce? WHO CARES!?!?

OPRAH-JAKE-ROSEANNE-FRANCO!

Have a scroll down the blog and you will see so many of their faces! And I don't go a day without trying to Oprah-fy myself! (Especially since, as you'll hear on this week's show, I'm a talk show host with a supporting roll in an independent film!)

Maybe today will be great?

**UPDATE: Turns out Bree Boyce is a beauty queen who lost 110 pounds and has written (no kidding) a book about OBESITY! Another score for Cliff and Kendall!**

How About SUMMER Cleaning?

That's what we're up to in the studio! Cleaned out the storage closet (filled the recycling bins behind the building with Fiber bar boxes alone!) and aren't stopping til the whole place is sparkling clean!

Above: things are piled up in the corner so Tyler can sweep!

Here's an old snapshot of Tyler I found in my desk drawer. It was the one he included in his resume. But don't think I gave him the job because of his looks! It was mostly due to the work ethic he described in his curriculum vitae. He works his abs 5 days a week! Pecs 4 days and arms 6 days!! That's dedication!

And finally, we even cleaned out the refrigerator- I was afraid all this ice cream would go bad! What should I do with it?

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll.

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

William Ernest Henley

SORRY for the Last Post!!!

My assistant Tyler hacked into our blog (is it considered hacking if I just didn't log out?) and posted the morally dubious post that precedes this one. Try not to look- you may be corrupted beyond recognition!

Anyway, Mr. Snodbottom wants you to know that "Cliff and Kendall: Coast 2 Coast Enterprises Incorporated Partners LLC" does not condone any illegal activities! Not even going 70 in a 65!

Tyler will be doing some extra push-ups this morning to pay for this one (whenever he finally wakes up!)

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity."
— Gilda Radner

Attn: Obese Folks on Campus

Dear Obese People on Campus,

Or anyone else who feels like the world's fattest salmon swimming upstream). Look! There it is! It's getting closer every second. What is it? Why, it's the light at the end of this tunnel you thought would never end!

Even though you may have 1,000 things left to do (or just 4 things that seem entirely undoable) remember this: YOU CAN SURVIVE!! No matter what- THIS will END!!! In short order this will be OVER.

You may be barely breathin' but you're not dead, no. Tomorrow's another day, you should NOT BE AFRAID!

The light, it's almost visible- if you squint really hard- and it's . . . beautiful . . . as pretty as little Zac Efron's eyes . . . and you are moving towards it, even if you feel like two giant hands are smashing you into the pavement . . . you are moving towards the LIGHT!!!!

Love,

Cliff and Kendall: Coast 2 Coast

First Lady Update

In case you were wondering, our First Lady of Podcasting- RheAnn- is alive and well in Japan! She is about three hours away from the nuclear site that is now frightening everyone. If you ask us, Japan is lucky she's there! She'll be able to do what she does best: help people. (It's her favorite part of the job, too). For more info from C&K's First Lady, you can click HERE for her own blog.

Happy Int'l Women's Day!

Happy International Women's Day! Did you know that this is the 100 year anniversary of the day? IT IS! You can learn more HERE. Above see a small sampling of our favorite women, talented, inspirational, and worthy of your adoration!!

Here's to the Ladies!!!!!

UPDATE: More of our favorite gals!

And You Have the Key!

I am bigger than anything that can happen to me. All these things, sorrow, misfortune, and suffering, are outside my door. I am in the house and I have the key. - Charlie Fletcher Lummis

For Your Health!

Sewer Sludge Smoothie:

1 plumb

1 apple

1 banana

3/4 cup frozen spinach

1/4 cup frozen blueberries

1 packet Vitamin C supplement

2 packets no-cal fruit punch mix singles

1 packet no-cal lemonade mix singles

**Alternate title of this post: Goddammit this better make me lose 25 fucking pounds!**

Public Service Announcement

Here at Cliff and Kendall: Coast 2 Coast, we are all about helping people. (It's our favorite part of the job!) And so, herewith, is a Public Service Announcement.

If you are wearing a fanny pack:

Step 1: Admit you are wearing a fanny pack.

Step 2: Take off the fanny pack.

Step 3: Move rapidly toward a waste receptacle.

Step 4: Drop fanny pack into waste receptacle.

Step 5: Move hurriedly away from waste receptacle.

*Repeat with any other fanny packs you may wear/own.

**This works even better if you replace "waste receptacle" with "camp fire".

New Show: Black History Awareness Month

I know you're thinking, "Who better to celebrate the cultural importance of black history- than Cliff and Kendall?" And we couldn't agree more! We're celebrating the fabric of diversity and the accomplishments of all this week!

Whether you've got a dream or you're refusing to give up your seat on the bus to some white asshole- we've got you covered! Also some unrelated segments like: Bad Jokes, R U Talkin' 2 Me? and Would You Rather!

Don't Let Life Harden Your Heart

"When I was about six years old I received an essential teaching from an old woman sitting in the sun. I was walking by her house one day feeling lonely, unloved, and mad, kicking anything I could find. Laughing, she said to me, "Little girl, don't you go letting life harden your heart."

Right there, I received this pith instruction: we can let the circumstances of our lives harden us so that we become increasingly resentful and afraid, or we can let them soften us and make us kinder and more open to what scares us. We always have this choice." - Pema Chodron

*Photo credit belongs to our First Lady!

It's Saturday Afternoon, America!

I hope you are enjoying it! Use whatever "enjoyment aids" you require to fully experience and appreciate this beautiful Saturday afternoon!

*Bonus Points: Find the hidden image of Cliff and Kendall in the above photo!

** Just what is Jeremiah Weed?

Celestial Being Celebrates Anniversary of Entering Existence

I'm talkin' Oprah! Today she celebrates 57 years of *existing* (in this realm anyway).

(In the photo above: Oprah imbues a puppy with the very meaning of puppy life, she inspires him to be his best puppy self, while doing so she is also simultaneously having her own "Aha Moment" about what it means to be able to cosmically communicate to animals and folks who are at home weekday afternoons. )

For more Oprah click HERE and you MUST watch "Oprah: Behind the Scenes of the 25th Season" on OWN!!!! It's amazing!! (It's one of my favorite things!)

Becoming . . .

Click HERE to read a little about the documentary Chaz Bono made to document his female-to-male transition. I think Oprah may have snagged it for her network, not sure. Chaz says he made the film to put a face to an issue that many still find tricky to discuss. I just hope Cher is in it!

It's called "Becoming Chaz" but jugding by the photo it could just as easily have been titled "Becoming a Cliff and Kendall." We three look alike is what I'm saying. Large dudes, we three.

Richard Simmons!!!!!!!!!!

Last night we worked out with the one and only Richard Simmons!! It was a workout and YES we were sweaty!!! He was wonderful and inspirational! Love him!

So much fun to be at Slimmons Studio- unforgettable!! Truly one marked off the bucket list. And yeah, he loved it when we showed him the "Other" Richard Simmons!