Binge Listen to the Show! Birthday Edition #1

FACT: There are more birthdays in the next week of the year than any other week!!!***

So in honor of that fact, here's a batch of birthday shows to binge listen to! Slice yourself off some birthday cake and binge away! 

Birthdays Are Special

As a teenager I baked birthday cakes for the likes of Madonna, Rosie O'Donnell, Kathie Lee Gifford, and Cher. (It was kind of like sending up a burnt offering, but instead you got to eat it with ice cream). Now, as an adult I must make due "wishing" happy birthday to celebrities via this blog. Sunrise, sunset.

Anyway- I missed a few birthdays this month!! Up top, see Britney Spears celebrate a birthday- only a few weeks ago she celebrated turning 30! Hopefully she took advantage of both 30th birthday episodes we recorded this year, and eased herself into middle age along with us. Only 10 days ago the world's Gyllenhaaliest Jake turned 31!! So much older than me. It's much more appropriate to lust after celebrities that are older than you.

In case I forget in January, allow me to preemptively wish Happy Cakeday to another older celebrity (and my first love) Justin Timberlake, also turning 31!

Also in January: Living legend (and Patron Saint of ME) Dolly Parton turns 66! Salute her!

Happy Birthday Bette!

Happy birthday to the person that each episode of Cliff and Kendall is secretly dedicated to: Bette Midler!

She's turning 66 today- 66??!? God! It seems like only yesterday she was 56! Mortality noooooooooooo . . . don't take Bette!!!! Let's age someone else okay?!?!?

Look Who is 31 Today!

Can you BELIEVE Ryan Gosling is turning 31 today?!?!? How can he be almost a year older than Cliff and Kendall, while at the same time being at least 160 lbs lighter (than either of those flabbos)?

Oh well, nature moves in mysterious ways. (That's why U2 sang a song about it). But, I digress (and eat way too much). Ryan's the Hollywood star that's made us hot for drug addicted teacher in "Half Nelson" and hot for Driver in "Drive"- basically hot for whatever character he's been playing.

Happy Birthday Ryan! I'm sure you'll celebrate with 31 extra laps around something, but need I remind you that ALL 31st birthdays should be spent somewhere that has 31 flavors . . .

Happy Birthday Roseanne!

Today is the 59th birthday of my idol: Roseanne Barr! She's out there telling it like it is and like it should be! I hope I am half as awesome when I'm 59 (if I'm 59, which I probably will never be).

I hope she finds a way to bring her nuts to our homes and back to TV!

Zac Efron's "Bubbly Birthday"

So have you heard the global news!?!?!? Two days ago was Zac Efron's 24th birthday, and he was partying in a "club" the ways stars do on their birthdays, and he was given a gift!

The son of a Russian billionaire saw the celebrity partying and sent over a $100,000 bottle of champagne! Along with that bottle (which held nearly 150 glasses of "bubbly," he also sent over a slew of other assorted liquors. The kindly billionaire (and presumed High School Musical fanatic) also left the waitress a tip worth over $20,000! Clearly, I need to work in this club for two nights. Then my student loans would be gone! Plus: Zac Efron comes there!

Imagine if I worked there and bumped into Zac. I could ask him how he enjoyed peeing all over the unrinal cakes in the Men's Room. Cuz I'd have put them there! Imagine Zac Efron peeing all over something I put in the urinal! Plus: $20,000 tips!

Celebrity Birthdays!

Two of today's hottest celebrities have a birthday today!! That's right Bob Newhart and Michael Keaton were both born today!!!

And Bob is 82, and Michael is the big Six-Oh! Two awesome dudes that are MUCH older than me! For anyone who might be turning a big year older this year, say thirty or something, this would be very inspirational! Of course such a person would probably be in such food pain from last night, nay the last three nights, to really feel anything- but maybe!

Happy Birthday Bob and Michael two people whose work I've enjoyed!

100 Years Ago Today!

The world's most famous redhead was born! Lucille Ball's 100th birthday is today, and in case you need a primer on her importance click HERE.

Oh so many years later, and we still Love Lucy!

Happy 70th Martha!

Today is Martha Stewart's 70th birthday! Did you know that? How could you not?

Click HERE to read some interesting facts about he Domestic Doyenne. A few tidbits:

· Her French bulldog, Francesca, is named after a prison friend.

· Martha once pitched a TV show about "rehabilitating ­errant women while they rehabilitated a house; a fixer-upper was bought in Norwalk." It never happened.

· Martha "insisted on personally approving every one" of the 3,000 items licensed through Macy's. According to her head of merchandising, at one meeting "Martha walked in with a pot, slammed it on the table, and goes,'This is crap. I don’t want my name on it.'"

Good for you, Martha!! If people didn't go around attaching their names to crappy products, this world would be a better place! (Of course, there'd likely be no 'Cliff and Kendall' . . .)

Happy Birthday Aunt Jackie!

So, I'm innocently watching an old "Roseanne" episode and BOOM on the internet I'm informed that today is Aunt Jackie (aka Laurie Metcalf)'s birthday!!! She's 56 and still so awesome (I'm assuming).

And right now, in this 18 year old sitcom episode, she's really pregnant. Did you know when Jackie was pregnant with Andy that Laurie Metcalf was really pregnant? She was!! And now she must have a 17-18 year old kid that damn well better be making her a birthday cake right now!

Happy Birthday!

Johnny Depp is 48!

Today is Johnny Depp's 48th birthday!! He's now in his early late 40's. There's no denying it.

But, seeing as how Johnny has been christened "Eternally Sexy" by the planet (similar to the much less deserving Sean Connery)- he's probably cool with being 48. Hell, he's probably cool with just about everything.

I tried to think of when Johnny Depp was the hottest- but he's always been hot. From "21 Jump Street" to his very, very hot (but short-lived) role in "Nightmare on Elm Street" to that long blonde hair in "Blow"- he's just always smmmokinnnn. (As The Mask would say).

Happy Birthday Johnny Depp! If I looked like you, I wouldn't mind being 48!

Happy Birthday Catherine O'Hara!

One of our other favorite funny ladies- Catherine O'Hara turns 57 today! She's hilarious and the standout in many of Christopher Guest's films, as well as being memorable from SCTV, she's also: oh yeah, never forget she's the mom from "Home Alone"! Why dontcha eat some damn cake for her, okay?

Bringing 30 Back

Today our little Justin grows into an adult. He's now driving around a van with Cheerios rolling around on the floor.

In other words, one of the world's hottest sex symbols today turns thirty years old!! Test out those waters, Justin. For it won't be long until you have two morbidly obese companions in the pool that only 30 year olds can visit.

Celestial Being Celebrates Anniversary of Entering Existence

I'm talkin' Oprah! Today she celebrates 57 years of *existing* (in this realm anyway).

(In the photo above: Oprah imbues a puppy with the very meaning of puppy life, she inspires him to be his best puppy self, while doing so she is also simultaneously having her own "Aha Moment" about what it means to be able to cosmically communicate to animals and folks who are at home weekday afternoons. )

For more Oprah click HERE and you MUST watch "Oprah: Behind the Scenes of the 25th Season" on OWN!!!! It's amazing!! (It's one of my favorite things!)

Happy Birthday Elijah Wood!

Now I feel fat AND OLD! Elijah Wood turns 30 today! You know who is older than me? Elijah Wood. Wow, he's ancient! Will we believe him in the hew "Hobbit" movie? Or will he just look silly, as he's now so far along in years? God, THIRTY!?!? Can you believe it?

P.S. Wait for it . . . hold on . . . almost . . . bring it home . . . I'd Frodo his Baggins!

Happy Birthday Dolly!

Happy Birthday Dolly!! Today the legendary singer/songwriter/sequin-wearer turns 65! Whatever you do, Dolly, DON'T RETIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday Betty!

Today the internet's hottest babe, Betty White- turns 29! Oh, I mean 89! Happy Birthday Betty!!

Just a reminder I loved Betty waayyy before it was cool! I loved her when I was 8 years old and stayed home to watch "The Golden Girls" each Saturday night (oh the party invitations I must have turned down!).

I also loved her all over again in the 90's when Nick at Nite began airing reruns of "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" back to back weeknights at 9pm. Oh who would I be without Sue Ann Nivens or Rose Nylund?

Happy Birthday Julia Louis Dreyfuss!

Yes, Elain/Old Christine turns FIFTY today!! Can you believe it? She still looks great and natural! May we suggest you celebrate by doing a little dance?

If you're in doubt as to exactly what the moves are to the famous "Elaine dance" (which was etched into the collective subconscious in the Seinfeld episode "The Little Kicks"), just remember it should look like a full body dry heave.

Happy Birthday Mary!

Happy Birthday to one of my favorite ladies: Mary Tyler Moore! She's still turning the world on with her smile at 74- and look for her soon on pal Betty White's "Hot in Cleveland"! Love you Mare!

Happy Birthday Jake!

To the man I non-pathetically refer to as my husband: Happy Birthday!

Here's hoping your 30th birthday is full of great fun and cake and the heavenly intonations of the Del Rubio Triplets. Also for your gift I promise to go see your new movie. I just have to quickly lose 15 pounds first. Love you! You belong with me!