For Your Consideration

While the usual answer is Prince Eric- when asked which Disney prince I'd like most to suck ink out of- let's not forget the other hotties in Disney's Hunk Hall of Fame:

After the Beast turned human again, he may've been less hairy- but we were the one's ready to ROAR and get this sexy beast back to our boudoir! 

Maybe Sleeping Beauty's Prince Phillip is luring you in with his sexy take on tights and a cape? 

Perhaps you prefer the CGI hotness of the sexy digital dude from Tangled? He could C3 my PO any day! 

It's completely understandable if you just want to rub Aladdin's lamp until the genie pops out and you get your wish! 

WHO IS HOTTER? YOU DECIDE!!

The only thing I've decided is that there must be lots of horny gay animators at Disney! 

Daylight Saving's Time!!!

Do you find yourself doing crazy things like getting tattoos in Ellen underwear!?!? Have you been resting?? Well, wake up! HERE are some tips you could have used to make today's "lose an hour" transition even easier!

In the future, remember to go to sleep 15 minutes earlier than normal the week before the time change. Also, try and schedule a vacation for that week. Then, who care when you wake up?!?!

Look Who is 31 Today!

Can you BELIEVE Ryan Gosling is turning 31 today?!?!? How can he be almost a year older than Cliff and Kendall, while at the same time being at least 160 lbs lighter (than either of those flabbos)?

Oh well, nature moves in mysterious ways. (That's why U2 sang a song about it). But, I digress (and eat way too much). Ryan's the Hollywood star that's made us hot for drug addicted teacher in "Half Nelson" and hot for Driver in "Drive"- basically hot for whatever character he's been playing.

Happy Birthday Ryan! I'm sure you'll celebrate with 31 extra laps around something, but need I remind you that ALL 31st birthdays should be spent somewhere that has 31 flavors . . .

Zac's Future Plans

No!! This is not a photo of me meeting Zac Efron! Although he is wearing pants that might better fit myself or Kendall. Ah who am I kidding? We'd explode out of 'em. :(

And no, this is not exclusively a Zac Efron Fansite! BUT- my last post had me wondering what Zac Efron's got up his sleeve in terms of future roles (if he's wearing sleeves, which- let's hope he's not.)

In addition to the very real projects I mentioned in post below this one, he's also appearing in a film called "The Paperboy" about a reporter reporting about a death row inmate. Not sure of his part, but Nicole Kidman and Matthew McConaughey also star. And if Zac's arm muscles are starring in a movie with Nicole Kidman looking like that- I'm buying a ticket!

Also, IMDB says a movie called "Liberal Arts" is in post-production. This one was written and directed by (and stars) a guy from "How I Met Your Mother" that isn't Neil Patrick Harris or Jason Segel. I couldn't find a picture from that set, but if Zac's wardrobe is similar to this outfit that he wears to fuckin' Starbucks- I'll hit the theater for this one too.

Zac Efron Hypothesis!

In the classic movie "Soapdish," Sally Field plays the star of a daytime drama who occasionally gets a little needy for some love and adoration from her fans. So, when she needs a boost- her unfamous friend (Whoopi) takes her on a trip to the Paramus mall in New Jersey. There, Whoopi pretends to be a gushing fan, which incites other, realer gushing fans to come forth. And soon Sally Field's character is free to bask in the love of her fans, while giving out autographs and kissing babies, etc.

I think Zac Efron does something similar. When he feels down, or eats a whole rice cake instead of his daily allotment of 1/16th of a rice cake and feels fat- he goes to the beach! The beach where he can nonchalantly doff his shirt, where fans rush to look at his abs, where camera phones jump from bags and into the hands of whomever else is on the beach in order to take a pic of his abs. (Or any other rock-solid body part on display).*

And sometimes he brings friends! I think the friends come along when he's especially down about the box office returns of "Charlie St. Cloud," or he's bummed because the release date of whatever Nicolas Sparks movie he just wrapped got bumped until spring. The friends are there because the fans will say things like, "Who are these other lesser hot guys? Did they sing Bet On It in HSM2?-Nope!" "Wow- are those abs real? Are your pecs molded from Quikrete?" "Oh Zac, you have the best beach bod! These other fools pale in comparison!"

What career move do you think Zac should make next? We cannot let his beauty languish in ensemble comedies about New Year's Eve, Nicolas Sparks movies, or in movies about how his farmer dad don't be likin' his race car drivin' career! (These are his next movies!!! Eek!)

*or maybe he just really likes the beach?

There's Room For All in Cougar Town

Hey guys! Jake is moving to C-Town with me!

I hate these invasive paparazzi shots, but I had to share proof! While Jake may not be moving into the Cul-de-Sac just yet- can a guest spot be far behind?!? Here he is out with Laurie (or if you prefer, Busy Philipps). Let me guess- they each had a huge glass of wine!!! Let me hope!!!

For the uninitiated, Laurie is Jules' (Courtney Cox) best friend/employee on the big C. And I don't mean "The Big C"- I mean "Cougar Town"!! C-Town is a hilarious show- returning in November or January (Abed and I have our fingers crossed for next month!). And just to let you know, to dispel any myths: Courtney Cox was a cougar for the first 4 episodes and the subsequent 40 episodes have primarily been about she and her friends/neighbors drinking. It's been called the 'most pro-alcohol show on TV!' What else do you need to know?

I hear they are changing the title (which everyone who watches, stars on, or makes the show agrees is bad, bad, bad.) Although! If this Goldie Hawn HBO series "The Viagra Diaries" ever airs- it will handily steal the crown for the most horribly titled show on television. But whatever- C'mon ABC, slap out of it and bring back our Floridian Friends!!!

BREAKING NEWS

More Black Pants!

Oscar This Woman!

What woman you ask?!?! Why Erin Benach of course! The costume designer for "Drive" the new movie about driving featuring Ryan Gosling! It's actually a great movie full of great things, but yes the #1 great thing: Ryan Gosling's driving outfit! Let's take a look.

Black pants!

White shirt-Black pants!!

Driving gloves!!! Awesome jacket!!!

The soundtrack cover features a shot of the gold scorpion on the back of the jacket. I hate to be the guy who describes things as "bad-ass," but there truly is no other phrase that could describe this look on Ryan Gosling's complicated character of few words.

Shut down your computer this second! Ryan Gosling is wearing this Right Now at a Multi-Plex near you!!! And remember Oscar voters (many of whom read this blog religiously!) the costume designer worthy of gold this year: Erin Benach!

Vocabulary 101

When I turned 29 Kendall told me what he liked most about me was my grammar. So keeping that in mind, and as a service to our readers, let me define a word for you. (Even though defining words has little to nothing to do with grammar.)

I was "somewhere" yesterday and there was a loud lady who boldly, proudly declared she had never heard the word chagrin before. She pronounced it ch-argin (with the "ch" like the "ch" in chocolate). Words! They are tricky- and if we've never encountered a word there's no shame. But there's also no pride. So for all those loud ladies out there:

cha·grin/SHəˈgrin/

Noun: Distress or embarrassment at having

failed or been humiliated.

Verb: Feel distressed or humiliated.

Example Sentences:

Surprisingly, she was not chagrined by her total lack of knowledge.

Much to the loud lady's chagrin, no one in the room sympathized with her.

Now you are so much smarter!!

►

Barefoot Bandit: The Movie!

One year ago today the Feds (or somebody) caught the dude known as The Barefoot Bandit. I don't know why he never wore shoes and I also don't know why he stole the things he did (plane, boat, etc) but he's got lots of charges against him.

BUT- he was very young! Like 20 or less. Maybe 21. He hid on an island! And he's interested in book and movie deals in order to make restitution to his victims.

(I didn't even make this! Someone else had the same idea- that's the real dude on the left!)

And I just have one suggestion as to whom might have been born to play the role! (See above and below). The only problem is that the real bandit's super tall and Zac Efron is maybe a whole foot shorter. So hopefully 20th Century Fox has plenty of apple boxes!

Catch Him If You Can!

The Truth About Calories

Enjoy this photo of Zac Efron and read THIS article which reveals the **Truth** about calories!! Did you know that exercise is not the biggest calorie burner?! Even the leanest gym bunnies only burn around 30% of their daily calories at the gym.

Calories! Weight! It can all be so exhausting! I need more pictures of Zac Efron!

Johnny Depp is 48!

Today is Johnny Depp's 48th birthday!! He's now in his early late 40's. There's no denying it.

But, seeing as how Johnny has been christened "Eternally Sexy" by the planet (similar to the much less deserving Sean Connery)- he's probably cool with being 48. Hell, he's probably cool with just about everything.

I tried to think of when Johnny Depp was the hottest- but he's always been hot. From "21 Jump Street" to his very, very hot (but short-lived) role in "Nightmare on Elm Street" to that long blonde hair in "Blow"- he's just always smmmokinnnn. (As The Mask would say).

Happy Birthday Johnny Depp! If I looked like you, I wouldn't mind being 48!

Lighter Than Air

In the above photo, Dave Franco (James' brother) actually lifts off the pavement momentarily. So light is he, so devoid of body fat, so featherlike are his . . .

HE IS SO SKINNY, WHILE CLIFF AND KENDALL REMAIN SO FAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday the 13th (is Over)

I know what you're thinking: "What better day to read up on Friday the 13th superstitions, than today SATURDAY THE 14TH?"

I agree!

Click HERE to read about some of the wackiest Friday the 13th superstitions around- did you know that airplanes almost never have a row 13? And that people with thirteen letters in their names are thought to be pure evil? THEY ARE.

Enjoy the 14th folks! There are no more Friday the 13th's this year- but just wait! 2012 has three of 'em!

Five Fat Free Tips

Have scientists finally cracked the code for instant weight loss? NO. But, click HERE to check out five ways to boost your weight loss. What, you don't need to lose weight? Then go HERE.

If you do need to shed a few pounds though, some factors that allegedly help your waist size go down are:

Going Organic (pesticides effect your metabolism)

Drinking cold water (Anything Zac Efron does must be low-cal)

Standing (Note to Cliff: Break up long periods of laying with some standing. Laying for hours watching shows on Hulu shuts down your body's fat burning system)

Protein (I know a good source, ask me how)

Going to bed earlier (more sleep= less stress= less fat! Going to bed with 2 or 3 of the stars of "Glee" is preferrable.)

Look Who's Listening!

Looks like one celebrity can't get enough of Cliff and Kendall: Coast 2 Coast!! He can't even be bothered to take out his headphones when going into a Jamba Juice!

One More (G-String) for the Road

Oscar winning filmmaker Stephen Soderbegh is retiring! Yes, that means no more gritty dramas like "Traffic" or any more movies like all those other unforgettable ones he's made.

BUT!

Thankfully, he's got a few more irons in the fire before he hangs up his puffy directing vest for good! And rest assured one of the last tales he's set to tackle is a "semi-autobiographical" story by former stripper Channing Tatum! In my future favorite movie, Channing's veteran stripper will take another younger stripper under his chiseled wing and teach him how to be the male-stripper he's always dreamed of being!

Or something! At any rate, I am really trying to think of the proper choice to portray the fledgling clothes-taker-offer. What young Hollywood star has the dance moves, the pole grasping ability, and less than 0% body fat? C'mon Tinseltown- you must have someone!

Perfect for Parties!

So yes, this exists! Someone's prayers have been answered with: Cupcake Vodka! Flavors like Devil's Food, Lemon Chiffon, and FROSTING can now get you drunk!

I wonder if we can get some over-nighted for the BIG WEDDING tomorrow? I think Mrs. Potterbutter Butterchurn would like it if it were cupcake flavored! Oh well- it sounds more appropriate for birthdays anyway.

The only question that remains is: How do I change myself from HUGE FAT SLOB into an XXS Zac Efron-style beach runner? (Notice in the photo above, that Zac actually weighs so little, that he can skip himself over the water like a stone!) How can I transform my blob, er excuse me- my bod, when they keep inventing things that will not only get me fat, but drunk as well?

Attn: Obese Folks on Campus

Dear Obese People on Campus,

Or anyone else who feels like the world's fattest salmon swimming upstream). Look! There it is! It's getting closer every second. What is it? Why, it's the light at the end of this tunnel you thought would never end!

Even though you may have 1,000 things left to do (or just 4 things that seem entirely undoable) remember this: YOU CAN SURVIVE!! No matter what- THIS will END!!! In short order this will be OVER.

You may be barely breathin' but you're not dead, no. Tomorrow's another day, you should NOT BE AFRAID!

The light, it's almost visible- if you squint really hard- and it's . . . beautiful . . . as pretty as little Zac Efron's eyes . . . and you are moving towards it, even if you feel like two giant hands are smashing you into the pavement . . . you are moving towards the LIGHT!!!!

Love,

Cliff and Kendall: Coast 2 Coast

Zac's April Fools Day Joke

AHAHAHHA! (that's me laughing).

Zac wants us to think he eats! In an elaborately staged prank, Zac Efron allowed himself to be photographed court-side at a basketball game, appearing to eat!! Good one, Zac! But we all know you spend 25 hours a day in the gym.

There are so many things wrong with the photo. First of all, who eats something with a fork at a basketball game? Unless he smuggled in a nice wedge salad- I ain't buyin' it! And just look at his fellow pranksman. The guy beside him is clearly thinking, "America will never fall for an April Fools Day prank this flimsy! Skinny, hot people eating? I don't think so!" It would be like posting a picture of Cliff and Kendall pumping iron! Oh, dammit! That would have been a perfect prank!

Better luck next April 1st, Zac!