Glee From Like 2.5 Months Ago

Our periods don't come until the end of the month.

Glee From Like 3 Months Ago

"There are tons of celebrities with only one eye. Sammy Davis Jr., Columbo . . ." - Rachel

Oh No- We're Not Dead!

No, we are alive! And our show is so dead it's alive!! All "kidding" aside, our show is brand new today. We've got a super secret excellent NEW show coming out on itunes today to follow up our nail-biting two parter about Simple Pleasures.

What could be better than a Saturday in February listening to Cliff and Kendall? (Don't answer that.)

You might be wondering, what does an obese internet show host do on a Saturday? Well, I'll be catching up on the following shows from this week online.

Glee

New Girl

Raising Hope

Modern Family

30 Rock

The Office

Up All Night

There was no new Parks and Recreation this week. Community has still not been rescheduled. BUT- Cougar Town is returning on Tuesday (Valentine's Night!) No, I haven't given up The Office yet, and rumors say Dwight may spin-off and Mindy Kaling (Kelly) may be getting her own show on Fox. Hopefully Dunder Mifflin will be absorbed totally into Sabre and the Scranton branch will shut its doors. And Andy will be put in prison on whatever trumped up charges you can imagine.

SPECIAL NOTE TO KENDALL: Your pal Bradley Whitford is coming to Pawnee! He'll be guesting on Parks and Recreation this season. So there's no better time to join the Leslie Knope bandwagon- you'll love it. It's basically The West Wing as a sitcom.

Our Invitation Was . . .

Lost in the mail? WE GUESS! Anyway- yours probably was too. Recently Kathy Griffin had a game night at her house and she invited a cavalcade of celebrities and some random "hot dudes."

But no Cliff and Kendall in site!! A list of the notable non-Cliff and Kendall's in attendance:

LANCE BASS

CHRIS PRATT

CHRIS COLFER

LAUREN ZIZES

Top of the Muffin TO YOU!!

I wanted to make a post about this muffin top situation I have going on around my equator- BUT! I did what I always do, and I checked with the FBI and they said the photo of my real life muffin top/love handles (speaking of waves like a river) was too disturbing to Americans and so . . .

Imagine that muffin up there- my jeans are the paper cup (only much, much tighter) and the fat bags hangin' from my gut are the delicious chocolate chip muffin/cupcake whatever it is. ONLY WAY WORSE.

Oh- our lives here on Earth are just a parentheses in the middle of the sentence that is our existence. I know this- and yet- my muffin top still bothers me. I am only human. For now.

You know who does NOT have a muffin top?

Blaine.

SPIN! SPIN! SPIN!

As we've heard "Glee" has plans in store to rip our hearts out: they're "graduating" most of our beloved cast at the end of season 3!! Rachel, Finn, KURT, and presumably Quinn, Puck, and I would guess Blaine! How the hell would he stay around when Kurt's gone? He doesn't even go to the same school!

BUT, according to THIS brief article- there could be hope yet! Now I would have them all fail some classes and repeat a few grades (since they never seem to do anything in school other than hang out and sing in the rehearsal room). But, there is a tiny, minuscule chance that there could be a . . . SPIN-OFF!

Yes, in the grand tradition of "Rhoda," "Gomer Pyle USMC," "Maude," and "The Alan Program" some of our beloved songbirds might get their own show! The article mentions a possible show about Kurt and Rachel (and some other "artists") that've moved to New York to start careers! And surely Blaine could stowaway and be there too!

Think of them hailing cabs, waiting tables, performing in off-off-off-off-Broadway shows, running into Patti LuPone every few weeks or so . . . genius!

Chant with me: Spin-off! Spin-off! Spin-off!

Sam Forever!!!!!

Sometimes it's really hard to think of things that are worthy of talking about here on our blog. But not today! Have you heard that Sam is not being promoted to regular on "Glee"!?! He has the option of returning to guest star occasionally or something.

I hope that they reconsider after a massive outpouring of emotion from all the fans of our trouty-mouthed guy.

How is This Still a Thing?

Sometimes I am going about my daily life, and all of a sudden- something happens and I'm shockingly reminded that some people think being gay is still a hot topic. People still get so offended and mad- isn't that weird?

Dianna Agron, Quinn from "Glee," wrote a great post on her blog about it HERE. She relays that some people write in about the show and say they love the series, but hate the gay storylines. And I admit, I've heard people say the same. Really? Is it because you hate prep school uniforms? Or are uncomfortable with how effeminate Kurt is? I am so glad he's so feminine! It would have been SO easy for them to have the main gay character be "straight acting" like Blaine. But- the world is not like that!!!!

It's even teaching gay people themselves a lesson! Not only the "it's okay to come out/accept yourself" lesson, but also that "you don't have to butch it up to be accepted!" You can fucking sing Don't Cry For Me Argentina to a room full of straight men! It's a pretty big/probably little known thing in the "gay community" that the more flamboyant you are- the more marginalized you are. To be outcast from your community of outcasts, as John Waters might say.

Oh, it's all crazy. This was a weird post, right? Tyler brought me in another care package of butternut rye krispies this morning and well, I guess I've had a few!

Five Fat Free Tips

Have scientists finally cracked the code for instant weight loss? NO. But, click HERE to check out five ways to boost your weight loss. What, you don't need to lose weight? Then go HERE.

If you do need to shed a few pounds though, some factors that allegedly help your waist size go down are:

Going Organic (pesticides effect your metabolism)

Drinking cold water (Anything Zac Efron does must be low-cal)

Standing (Note to Cliff: Break up long periods of laying with some standing. Laying for hours watching shows on Hulu shuts down your body's fat burning system)

Protein (I know a good source, ask me how)

Going to bed earlier (more sleep= less stress= less fat! Going to bed with 2 or 3 of the stars of "Glee" is preferrable.)

"Glee" 3-D Movie!

Good news for poor people everywhere!! If you couldn't afford tickets to Lady GaGa's Monster Ball tour, she'll be hitting HBO in the next few weeks!

AND if you also can't afford tickets to this summer's tour featuring the stars of "Glee"- get ready to put on some 3D glasses and get hit in the face with those Mercedes high notes (?) Coming in August, it's "Glee Live in 3D!" (or some similar title). It'll play for only two weeks they say, so don't stop believin' and buy your tickets!!! Learn more HERE.

I'm just hoping for some shots of Blaine singing in my face! I'm pretty sure I'll get them.

DEAR GOD HOW

All we want to do with this blog is spread LIGHT into this dark world, but I must share one feeling with you! The feeling is a question: Is Taylor Swift's vagina lined with cocaine? That's the only explanation I can find for her dating these super hunky guys! First, my husband Jake Gyllenhaal succumbs to her spells and now Sam from "Glee"?

HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?? I previously had nothing against the little fragile waif, but now I have to admit she looks like a human version of a Chippette without the charm or sex appeal!

Now back to positivity and light and togetherness!

O-M-G! Kathy on 'Glee'!!

According to Our Lady of Broadcast Comedian's (that'd be Kathy Griffin's- for the uninitiated) she's ready to film a guest spot on one of our favorite shows: "Glee"!!! I'm not sure who she'll play. Hold on- let me Google . . .

[Googling]

Okay, so it seems Kathy may be playing a judge at the Regionals competition! And furthermore:

"Self-proclaimed D-lister Kathy Griffin will be portraying ultra-conservative Tea Party candidate Tammy Jean, a character that some say is based off Sarah Palin, while an unnamed source assures us that Tammy and Sarah actually have nothing in common."

This sounds amazing!! Thank you, Universe!

Post Game Shows

So who watched the "Big Game" last night? I hope the Tigers won- I was really rooting for the Tigers! Anyway- I DID watch the post-game episode of 'Glee'!

It's tradition to air something special post-show, but I had no idea how far back that tradition went! Click HERE to peruse the top 20 most watched post-Super specials! Including "All in the Family," an explosive "Grey's Anatomy," and Julia Roberts on "Friends"!

Off Topic: Romance

I generally like my love songs to be stories sung by Dolly Parton about adulterous hill-people that resort to witchcraft, BUT I have to say this song ("Marry You") is the single most romantic song I have ever heard.

I wept when the New Directions sang it at Kurt's Dad's and Finn's Mom's wedding!!!!!!!!!! And I don't cry at romantic things!

Is it because my heart is made of ice, that in these winter months, its thoughts turn to love? I think, yes.

Glee Christmas Album!!!

Please take note that the previous post was dedicated to the totally venerable holiday known as Thanksgiving. And now . . .

CHRISTMAS!!!

Click HERE to go to a place where you can listen to the entire Glee Christmas album online! It's legal y'all.

Hang Up Your Stocking

I know it's a few days until Halloween, but HERE are the details of the 'Glee' Christmas album!!!! Can't wait!! (Beware there are potential spoilers, but they're not incredibly spoilery. Meaning you might learn the name of the actor playing Kurt's boyfriend).