Quick Variety Post

**This post was created to clear all these pics off my desktop**

Okay- up there? Yes! It is Our Lady of Broadcast Comedians: Kathy Griffin! This is from her episode of the classic Comedy Central cartoon series, "Dr. Katz: Professional Therapist." Every episode of "Dr. Katz" is on youtube and there are many big name guest stars! 

There's only one problem with One Direction, and it's that some of them are not Harry. 

I just really liked this picture. 

A still from "Dr. Katz"- just to commemorate the act of dubbing videos with 2 VCRs- wipe away the tears as you recall doing this!! 

THE END

"The Brady Bunch" Season 5, Episode 22. My Take

It's graduation time in the Brady household! Everyone is excited to see the oldest Brady son enter that next phase of life: nailing college chicks! 

One of my all time favorite people, Alice looks on proudly. She's thinking of the sunrises, sunsets, how it all goes round and round in the circle game, etc. Oh Alice! But that's not all . . .

"The Muppet Show" Season 4, Episode 17. My Take

Yes, this 1980 "Muppet Show" (on youtube HERE, but NOT on DVD!) featured the Stars of "Star Wars"! Don't hold your breath for Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, or Yoda, but we do get Mark Hamill, C3PO, and R2D2. They've busted into the Muppets' studio in search of Chewbacca of all things! 

The invasion from a galaxy far, far away is okay with Kermit. This scotsman (who gargles Gershwin) was set to host, but Kermit feels the "Star" stars might be better for ratings. But that's not all . . . 

"Mama's Family" Season 4, Episode 5. My Take

Mama is in rare form tonight! She's on the warpath from the get-go and is taking no shit!

Even Bubba can't bat his lashes and get away with borrowing the car for a date that night. Mama suggests he take the girl to the movies on his scooter. She's evidently blind to the geometric fact that you can't bone on the back of a scooter (at a crowded drive-in). We don't know why Mama is so royally pissed and we don't need to know why- she's MAMA! But that's not all . . . 

"Out of This World" Season 1, Episode 10. My Take

It had been so long since I'd seen this show! I don't know if it's the only episode of the amazing "Out of This World" on youtube, but you can watch this one (Baby Talk) HERE.  Doesn't Dad look great in that shot above?

It's funny how much comes back to you when you see these old episodes, even though it's probably been 25 years since I've seen this one. I feel like I'm already in my cold, cold grave. The episode starts out with Donna exercising with the Cliff and Kendall of his time- Uncle Beano. Beano is so much like Cliff and Kendall that he uses sandwiches as barbells and takes a bite with every rep! Cliff and Kendall would do that too if they worked out! But that's not all . . . 

"Small Wonder" Season 4, Episode 20. My Take

Whoa! Technology in the 80's, right!?! As a kid I was a big fan of "ALF" and "Small Wonder" and so wanted two things: an alien best friend and a robot best friend (the universe gave me Kendall). I wanted a robot like Vicki, the walking-talking example of artificial intelligence that usually wore a maid's uniform. 

From the back, Vicki looked like Teddy Ruxpin when you were changing his batteries. The fun begins in this episode when Dad gives Vicki some kind of upgrade. And if you thought Vicki would be useful before . . .

Now she can converse with animals! And converse she does! But that's not all . . . 

"The Brady Bunch" Season 4, Episode 15. My Take

The show may have been called "The Brady Bunch," but this episode belongs to Greg Brady, who was 18 when this episode aired in 1973. It must be a blessing and a curse for Barry Williams to have his white hot youth (when he was really hot and really white) captured forever on film and HERE on youtube. 

This is the famed "exact words" episode (or it should be famed!) that sees Greg Brady pitted against his parents in a battle of, you guessed it: exact words! The epic struggle begins when Bobby innocently enough drops the bombshell that Greg was distracted while driving (a very 2013 problem to have). Greg wasn't tweeting to his friends though, he was looking at the back of a new record album (back to 1973! OMG this episode is 40 years old! Kill me now!) Then Greg Gets Grounded!

Okay, my will to live has been restored thanks to Greg Brady adamantly defending himself. The defense doesn't work though. He may be a teen heart-throb, but he's still grounded from driving the family car for a week! Dammit, he was going to go buy some rock tickets (probably Deep Purple or Grand Funk Railroad)!! But that's not all . . . 

"Designing Women" Season 3, Episode 1. My Take

This episode of the other 80s-90s sitcom that featured four incredibly talented actresses playing four wise-cracking women finds our leading ladies on vacation. (Technically, "Designing Women" starred seven incredibly talented actresses as leads- just not at the same time.) In the shot above, our heroines from Atlanta pay unconscious homage to their predecessor "The Golden Girls." But this pajama breakfast comes later. 

The story starts with our ladies arriving at the condo of Julia's boyfriend (Mark Twain, above). All the women designers have brought their men along, except Suzanne. Suzanne had no man to bring and her pet pig she left with Anthony. 

This is her giving a great speech about being alone and how everyone else can cram it. Suzanna Sugarbaker owned this episode- whenever she wasn't onscreen I was thinking, "What is Suzanne doing? Where is Suzanne?" Personal note: DELTA IT'S NOT TOO LATE! YOU CAN STILL HAVE A COMEBACK! CALL RYAN MURPHY! But that's not all . . . 

"Mr. Belvedere" Season 4, Episode 4. My Take

Youtube tells us that this episode is titled "Martha's Job." Wikipedia tells us that Mom (a vision in khaki, above) actually goes by the name of Marsha. Go figure! Anyway, this episode is ostensibly about Marsha getting a job as a lawyer, but as a fat man I am far more interested in the the real meat of the story: Mr. Belvedere goes on a diet!! 

We open on Mr. Belvedere being berated yet again by the youngest Owens, Wesley. It seems Mr. B has eaten the last cupcake. Then we learn that Mr. B's always doing stuff like this- then to prove a point- Mr. B eats all the leftover pizza that everyone in the house wanted for breakfast. This prompts a showdown in which Mr. B vows to lose weight or die trying. But that's not all . . . 

"The Facts of Life" Season 7, Episode 1. My Take

The fact is life took an unexpected turn for the ladies of "The Facts of Life" in between season six and seven. It seems Mrs. Garrett's shop Edna's Edibles has burned down! But I'm getting ahead of myself. 

The episode begins on a train. The girls are catching up after a summer apart. My guess would be they all spent the summer having their hair enlarged. (Above, Tootie and Natalie sit beside one of Buffy's high school principals). 

Of course the wealthiest character had the biggest hair: Blair (who spent the summer shopping) wins the crown for largest coiffure- although she'll have to hold the crown because her hair's so big it'd never fit. But that's not all . . . 

"Bette" Season 1, Episode 17. My Take

In proof that the universe can be cruel and heartless, the series "Bette" only lasted 18 episodes. This hilarious show, featuring the one and only DIVINE Miss M playing a sitcom-style version of herself, centered around the daily life of a megastar. It's early demise is definitive proof that what I want does not matter to the cold hard hand of fate. In some other alternate universe the show ran eight seasons and saturates syndication the way it should have here in our world! 

Okay. In the next to last episode of "Bette" (one of two that never actually aired- but wound up on youtube- proving to kids to never lose hope!) we find Bette getting ready for the Grammys. Jennifer Lewis (above) plays a hairdresser that surely would have become a regular character had the show continued. (In my alternate universe, the hairdresser did become a regular and Jennifer Lewis won 5 Emmys and had a pretty successful spin-off called "Hairdresser to the Stars.") 

Bette's friend/producer/assistant/I-forget-what has lost a very expensive earring and is trying to keep that news from Bette while she looks for it. (The youtube clip actually cut off the end of the episode, so I'm not sure if they found it- but probably it fell into one of Bette's Grammys for "Wind Beneath My Wings.") But that's not all . . .

"Ellen" Season 5, Episode 18. My Take

"Ellen" is a show I could easily write several books about, but this episode is all I'm covering today! By season five, Ellen Morgan was way out of the closet. This installment in Ellen's life involves the boring girlfriend she's been seeing most of the season. The girfriend's so boring that this episode is bogged down by her- and it's just about her- she's not even there! Also- this episode features a truly Important Story about hospital visitation rights for gay couples. But like so many 'message episodes' that preceded it- (Example: When on "Golden Girls," Rose was tested for HIV)- truly messages sometimes dampen the festivities of a usually fun sitcom.

In a hallmark of "Ellen" season five, Ellen's friends are sadly nowhere to be seen. Here, she's stuck in the hospital waiting to find out how her boring girlfriend is doing after a car accident. Anne Heche guest stars as the boring girlfriend's ex and other mother of Ellen's boring girlfriend's boring daughter.  Anne Heche might've driven more people away from the show than towards it, but would have been a far more entertaining choice to play Ellen's full-time lady love (on the show as well as in real life, circa then). But that's not all . . .

Pee-wee's Gift to You!

As a special Christmas gift to all his pals, Pee-wee Herman is streaming his Christmas special on his website for free! I'm guessing it's through the day itself, but who knows. Regardless! You should avail yourself of this opportunity!

Pee-wee's Playhouse Christmas Special is probably THE BEST Christmas special ever. Definitely the best "variety" special of all time. There are so many favorite parts, I simply can't count them!

So- I won't try. But I'll say: fruitcakes, Cher, and Grace Jones accidentally being delivered to the Playhouse in a huge wooden crate. (Okay, I guess I sort of tried- but there are so many more!) Countless guest stars (Oprah, Whoopi, Magic Johnson, Charro, Dinah Shore, et al) and your old compatriots Miss Yvonne, Cowboy Curtis, Cool Cat, Chicky Baby, and the Puppet Band.

*Have I mentioned how good this is and how you should watch it?

Thing You Can Do

(also file under "Thing You Can Do Instead of All the Things You Really, Really Should Be Doing-WTF Are You Thinking, Seriously!!!!")

You can watch Christmas episodes of things on Netflix (and probably other places!!) I just enjoyed the Christmas episode from season 1 of "My Name is Earl." Look how Merry Earl is!!!

There are plenty of other shows available to stream, and I know there are more Christmas episodes ripe for the watching! Off the top of my head: you can stream xmas carols from 30 Rock, Roseanne, Glee, The Office, The Wonder Years, and more!! So while there are other things you should be doing* why not merry up today instead!??!

*seriously, you dumb fat fucking moron- why are you doing this to yourself, why don't you get down to business????

They'll Never Stop "The Simpsons"

Thank GOD! There is one vestige of my childhood still on the air: The Simpsons! And with the annual pop culture/nerdlinger festival in San Diego- the show's producers were recently chatting about the upcoming 23rd season and distant future. Click HERE to read 10 new things about the Universe's favorite yellow family.

A few noteworthy notes:

- this year's Christmas episode travels 30 years into the future! Imagine Bart at 40!

- Tim and Eric (another hilarious and overweight duo) are guest stars in the upcoming season

- you can vote HERE to decide whether Edna Krabbapel and Ned Flanders should become a permanent couple

- there will be (a whole episode?) devoted to the 1,000+ year life of Moe's bar rag

There's still life in the old girl yet!

Roseanne on Letterman (with Reege!)

Click HERE to watch Roseanne's appearance on David Letterman's show from earlier this week. She's hilarious, and I am so pumped to watch her new show!

As she sat down, Dave mentioned that she looks like a psychic. She does, right? She probably is! At any rate, soothsayer or nay, she's her super-funny self and I can only hope her new show is around for years to come!

In the interview she tells Dave (and Regis, the evening's co-host) about her nut farm on the big island of Hawaii. The island is filled with old hippies, she says! Maybe Tyler and I should box up all my fiber bars and his Grateful Dead mp3s and move there?

Something, something Tyler's nuts.

"Roseanne's Nuts" the new reality show airs on Lifetime!

Two and a Half NO

While I freely admit that no show is for everyone, and "To each his own!" I have to admit that I've seen one and a half "Two and a Half Men" episodes and they were some of the worst television I've ever seen. The show's a great example of why traditional 3 camera/laugh track sitcoms should be retired for a good long while.

There's just this eerie, icky feeling you get when you hear studio laughter poured over "jokes" that probably never made any live human being grin, let alone laugh. And this is coming from someone who loves many old sitcoms, and who reveres television history roughly the same way Tom Brokaw reveres the WW2 generation.

All this is to say that reportedly Ashton Kutcher is going to be replacing Charlie Sheen next season on "Two and a Half Men." Now, I do realize that Ashton Kutcher is a beautiful, beautiful man. I guess he could bring in somewhat younger viewers. I just don't know why they can't let the show die.

I suppose it is still very popular (though I've honestly never spoken to someone under 70 that watches it) and there's still money to be made. Also, it's not like it ever had any "good years" and so even if they somehow made the show worse (is that possible?) there are really no great memories of the show to ruin. (Unlike "The Office.")

In closing, Ashton Kutcher is hot and I hate "Two and a Half Men." I'm not sure I had any other points.

New Show: Comedy Bailout!

America needs a laff!!! In this time of Old Glory's need, we come out swinging! We've got an overdose level of Bad Jokes, the world funniest segment: "What the Kidz R Saying" and a guffaw inducing "Journey to Busheltown"! On iTunes now!

SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: You may bust a gut, lung, or other body part while laughing! Extreme dehydration may also occur if you are prone to crying during laughter. Drink 6-8 glasses of water during the show and surround yourself with pillows. You might want to hook yourself up to an IV for vital fluids and listen from inside a rubber room.

O-M-G! Kathy on 'Glee'!!

According to Our Lady of Broadcast Comedian's (that'd be Kathy Griffin's- for the uninitiated) she's ready to film a guest spot on one of our favorite shows: "Glee"!!! I'm not sure who she'll play. Hold on- let me Google . . .

[Googling]

Okay, so it seems Kathy may be playing a judge at the Regionals competition! And furthermore:

"Self-proclaimed D-lister Kathy Griffin will be portraying ultra-conservative Tea Party candidate Tammy Jean, a character that some say is based off Sarah Palin, while an unnamed source assures us that Tammy and Sarah actually have nothing in common."

This sounds amazing!! Thank you, Universe!

Kathy Wants a Tony!

Our Lady of Broadcast Comedians is coming to the Great White Way!!

For the lay-people amongst us: Kathy Griffin is headed to Broadway! Her show entitled "Kathy Griffin Wants a Tony" will run for eight performances beginning in mid-March.

In a bid to convince the Tony committee just how Funny a Lady she is, she promises the show will be unique each night due to the "revolving door" of popular culture! Looks like she'll be well on her way to completing her EGOT. In other news: Kathy's also filmed an upcoming guest appearance on the CBS legal drama "The Defenders." Can another Emmy be far away?

Break a leg, Kathy! (and Note to Kendall: We need to do a Kathy show!)

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