Oh No- We're Not Dead!

No, we are alive! And our show is so dead it's alive!! All "kidding" aside, our show is brand new today. We've got a super secret excellent NEW show coming out on itunes today to follow up our nail-biting two parter about Simple Pleasures.

What could be better than a Saturday in February listening to Cliff and Kendall? (Don't answer that.)

You might be wondering, what does an obese internet show host do on a Saturday? Well, I'll be catching up on the following shows from this week online.

Glee

New Girl

Raising Hope

Modern Family

30 Rock

The Office

Up All Night

There was no new Parks and Recreation this week. Community has still not been rescheduled. BUT- Cougar Town is returning on Tuesday (Valentine's Night!) No, I haven't given up The Office yet, and rumors say Dwight may spin-off and Mindy Kaling (Kelly) may be getting her own show on Fox. Hopefully Dunder Mifflin will be absorbed totally into Sabre and the Scranton branch will shut its doors. And Andy will be put in prison on whatever trumped up charges you can imagine.

SPECIAL NOTE TO KENDALL: Your pal Bradley Whitford is coming to Pawnee! He'll be guesting on Parks and Recreation this season. So there's no better time to join the Leslie Knope bandwagon- you'll love it. It's basically The West Wing as a sitcom.

Kendall is HUGE!

A HUGE Star that is!!! He made an enormous debut on the newly cancelled "Law and Order: Los Angeles" on Monday night!

Enjoy these screenshots and imagine what Kendall was really thinking about during these scenes!

Here Kendall is thinking, "I wouldn't have had so much pasta for lunch

if I'd known I was going to be in a wide shot!"

Kendall's thoughts: "I'm glad I got to be one of the seated victims!"

Finally, finally, Kendall is thinking, "This guy should belch more."

Congratulations Kendall!! Great job!

(You can catch the whole episode on HERE on Hulu. It's titled "Hayden Tract.")

T-Shirt Idea: Goodbyes Are a Bitch

Last night I finally worked up the courage to watch Michael Scott's last episode of "The Office"- and I was right to put it off!! I wept profusely!! I'm talking Dobby's Death Scene level of weeping- through at least half of the show! And I was alone when I watched it- so it was ugly crying! No dignity whatsoever- flat out balling!!!

And then today, I was watching "The Larry Sanders Show" on Netflix streaming- and I reached that show's series finale!! First of all, it's a BRILLIANT show and if you've got Netflix streaming you can watch all six seasons online (like I did in the past month or so) and then you too can get all choked up when you bid farewell to Larry, that scary-lovable sidekick Hank, and Artie! Oh, Larry's producer Artie!!! Thank God I have our producer Mr. Snodbottom!!

All this is to say that I am EMOTIONALLY SPENT!! And also Tyler if you're reading this could you bring some more tissues to my office. This time I really do need them because I'm crying (I swear!) And now- I have to find a new show to watch!! Oh Michael- Goodbyes ARE a bitch!!!!

I'll miss you Larry! I'll miss you Michael!! (Michael please come back when "The Office" goes off for good!!! Or else I might not weep enough tears to refill the river Jordan!)

P.S. In 50 years when our show ends (or when the internet is shut off and/or podcasts are no longer a thing) you know there will be tears!!! Long, long, very lengthy clip packages and TEARS!

Wedding Photo Dump

(The rumpus room of The Potterbutter Butterchurn Center for the Arts)

I know everyone is dying to see photos from Mrs. Potterbutter Butterchurn and Mr. Snodbottom's wedding!!

Well, I'm still dying to see most of them myself! (Kendall and I ensured that the photographer had a wide angle lens!) BUT- the photographer turned out to be a cold hard b*tch! Because, not only are we prohibited from sharing wedding photos with you on the blog, we also cannot share a photo of the bride and groom!! Some clause on the contract!! Mrs. Potterbutter Butterchurn had no idea- she's plenty peaved on her way to Niagra falls for the honeymoon!

Nonetheless- I have a few photos I took with my disposable camera. Tyler had them developed in the one-hour-photo and then scanned them. I only have a few, because it was the end of the roll (the first half was from last year's office Christmas party- but I look too fat to keep those shots!!!)

First Lady RheAnn (and another bridesmaid) share some bad jokes before the wedding begins

This is how Tyler shows up to the Wedding of the Century! I snapped this pic before I gave him his tuxedo (I picked it up from the dry cleaners just that morning!)

Great great grandchildren of Mrs. Potterbutter Butterchurn.

I tried to talk little Appalonia out of the hat- but she ignored me!

Snodbottom and Potterbutter Butterchurn cake toppers!

Pretty good likeness of them both, if you ask me!

Reception began just before sundown. None of us knew what this was! Turned out to be dough-balls covered in spun sugar. I ate most of it. One of Mrs. Pussybottom's delectable delights!

Did I mention there was an open bar? I got kind of wild with Mr. Snodbottom's niece Francine!

Mr. Snodbottom's groom's cake

Kendall and I spent plenty of time here!

(When we weren't busting sweet moves on the dance floor!)

Just before we left, Tyler snapped this picture of Kendall with his phone. Poor Kendall- he was so overcome with emotion!! (Okay- emotion and Jack Daniels!)

You're Invited!!

The Kitchen Should Be Closed!

If you're like Cliff and Kendall (or the baby in that photo) and can't shut your pie-hole when it's late at night and you should be sleeping or resting or doing anything other than eating your 47th handful of peanuts, then you might want to click HERE. They've got a nice list of ways you can distract yourself from the voice in your head that says "who cares how fat I get!"

The reason for late-night snacking that rings truest to me is:

"Off-limits thinking

The psychological nature of "dieting" prompts you to feel that late-night eating is taboo which, in turn, creates "off limits" thinking. Sometimes when we tell ourselves we can't have something, we end up wanting it all the more. "

First Lady Update

In case you were wondering, our First Lady of Podcasting- RheAnn- is alive and well in Japan! She is about three hours away from the nuclear site that is now frightening everyone. If you ask us, Japan is lucky she's there! She'll be able to do what she does best: help people. (It's her favorite part of the job, too). For more info from C&K's First Lady, you can click HERE for her own blog.

Strange Weather We're Having, Isn't It?

It may be March everywhere else, but it's currently Christmas in my blender.

Share Our Joy!

Pardon us, but once in a while we like to pull the veil and shine the spotlight on someone who works behind the scenes here at "Cliff and Kendall: Coast 2 Coast." And today we'd like to congratulate the producer of our podcast, Mr. Snodbottom, for being named the Man of the Year by the Irritable Bowel Gazette!

Congratulations, sir! You deserve the award for showing us all that one afflicted with IBS can still live a life of dignity and prudence!

Rock Me Sexy Edgar!

This fall there will be a television show about troubled master of the macabre Edgar Allan Poe- and he'll be dead sexy! Look at the photos above and try and figure out which one is the real author of "The Raven"! You might not be able to do it, they're such dead ringers!! (Notice how I'm saying dead a lot?- Cuz it's Edgar Allan Poe!)

In keeping with this trend of ultra-realistic casting, allow me to make the following casting suggestions for a proposed series based around troubled masters of morbid obesity Cliff and Kendall:

Which are the actors and which are the real people!??! Who is playing Cliff and who is playing Kendall!?!? Your move, Hollywood!

Mrs. Potterbutter Butterchurn's Online!

Well, we finally talked her into it. Mrs. Potterbutter Butterchurn is online! She's on facebook and she's even tweeting!

She was none too pleased that she couldn't use the "Mrs." in her name, but we got her to briefly eschew etiquette in favor of being up to date. Oh, and her twitter username had to be absurdly short- it's @PttrbttrBtrchrn And if you've never tried to explain twitter to a lady with so much "life experience"- you should try it!

Now her fans can communicate with her and see what goes on in her daily life- or at least what she allows our assistant Tyler to post for her. He's currently trying to get her tweets to appear on our blog.

Feel free to "Friend," "Follow," and Welcome Mrs. Potterbutter Butterchurn into 2011!

Photo Gallery

Jake Gyllenhaal with Jenny Lewis at the Golden Globes! Do they need a morbidly obese third wheel?

I rode through the parking lot on a horse with no name.

Ricky Gervais with Our Lady of Broadcast Comedians on the set of the new Muppet movie!

Freddy at the fair.

Why, Dunder Mifflin, Why????

Oh GOD this sounds terrible. (Spoiler Alert) But click HERE to read a brief forecast for the end of this season of The Office.

(Remember, Spoiler Alert!) Okay, I hate to be so negative, really!- but, according to the link above, Steve Carell will be leaving the show with at least 4 episodes remaining in the season. In those four episodes we will witness (the tedium of?) Dwight, Andy, and Darryl scrambling to assume power. We will also be reunited with Todd Packer. Why? I would say it's because in our past lives, fans of the show must have done something really, really bad. Todd Packer is not funny in and of himself. Michael Scott's extreme fandom of Todd Packer is funny.

(Now I'm gonna get weird) When you're a big fan of a show, it's especially hard to watch that show become terrible. Like Roseanne, The Office was so good that it's sharp turn towards bad is even more noticeable and more difficult to take. I'm not saying the current season of The Office is equal to the all out rottenness of the season after Roseanne and Dan won the lottery, (I'm assuming that next season will fill that role, and with any luck, will similarly be the show's last) but this season is right up there with season 8 of Roseanne which saw some crazy shit in the name of comedy- like Sharon Stone welcoming Mark and Becky into their trailer park, etc.

Maybe the writers will turn it around and spin this season's dross into gold- but if what's transpired so far is any indication- I wouldn't hold my breath.

(Now more personal shit) I don't feel like the show "owes me" anything, and I don't begrudge Steve Carell a movie career, and I don't think the writers, actors, and other crew of The Office should be penalized for wanting to carry on working together. But for me- someone who has bought all the previous seasons of the show- what do you do? I'm not that OCD, but I can't lie and say I don't feel the void on my shelf that marks where season 9 of Roseanne would be, were it not awful. And I've thought about buying it- simply to 'complete the collection' and so in case of nuclear fallout I might have 'em all- for whatever reason. But what of season 7 of The Office? I think it might just make me sad to have it, knowing it was so weak, and never wanting to watch it.

I am far too wrapped up in fiction and I know this. Yet, don't we feel a loss when a show we love ends? When we can't peak in at the lives of those characters anymore? There is also a difference between a show abruptly ending (Arrested Development, for example) and watching a show slowly fade into lameness. One feels like a car accident, swift- and you can always say "They had such a good life! Right up to the end!" The other feels like watching someone die from a long disease. They wither away, and you are there to hold their hand and watch the light leave their eyes. In the end you are simply glad they no longer have to suffer. (I warned you above this would get weird).

Maybe The Office will rally, beat the cancer and live life to the fullest! Maybe they will shed some cruddy current story lines (Dwight and Angela's sex contract- never funny; Andy and Erin's romance- a sad grasp for Jim and Pam's glory days) and come back with something fresh and new! Let's hope so!! (Or maybe a grizzly will attack the place and Dwight will be the only one left standing? That's okay too).

How We Spent New Year's Eve

. . . with Our Lady of Broadcast Comedians of course!!! We rocked in 2011 with she and Anderson Cooper and a few glasses of Maggie's precious 2 buck Chuck! Hmm . . . think I'll have a glass now.

Wild in Disneyland!

Did they have to write our weight on there?

A magical drink outside the Tiki Tiki Room!

How we spent most of our day

Whoa daddy!

He couldn't believe he ate the whole thing.

Mickey-shaped foods are more magical!

But the other non-Mickey-shaped foods ain't half bad!

Two fatsos and Seven Dwarves

Chili in bread bowl- NOT THAT DELICIOUS!

Kendall enjoys the vegan equivalent of an 8 pound turkey leg

We rode a few rides when the food lines got too long

[Insert churro/dick joke]

Attention Mattel: Our licensing would be CHEAP!

Coming soon to a clearance table near you!

Most importantly- where did we park!??????????!

Wild in L.A.! 3

. . . and it goes on like this . . .

On the air!

Short lunch break

Ready to dig in again!

Kendall makes a vegan cake for a special occasion!

Cliff helps out with the cake as best he can

Pretty soon it's burrito time again!

Kendall tries to keep up with Cliff's voracious appetite!

Let's get healthy!

Fruit stinks!

The satisfaction that comes with eating healthy!

Often when we think we are hungry- we are really just thirsty!

Lather, rinse, repeat!