You Can't Handle the Bluths!

In wonderful news- "Arrested Development" is going to be turned into a movie after all! In better than wonderful news- "Arrested Development" is also returning to TV with new episodes to run in advance of the movie!!! Click HERE to read all about it!

One blurb purports that the new (9 or 10) episodes will each deal with a single Bluth family member and catch us up on where they've been for the last five years. Oh where has Mrs. Featherbottom been? What about Franklin? C'mon- all together now, "It ain't easy bein' white . . ."

The climate in "Hollyweird" today is better than ever for folks who dream that their favorite old show will return in some form. Shows are now just as likely to return from the dead as they are to stay buried. Whether they be shows that went off the air of their own free will ("Sex and the City," "The X-Files") or shows that were cancelled and then clawed their way back ("Family Guy," "Futurama"). Proving it can happen to any show, even "Seinfeld" sort of returned, via a season-long arc on "Curb Your Enthusiasm."

What shows would I most like to hear more from? Glad you asked!! My ultimate fantasy would be if the long-rumored "Strangers with Candy" Christmas movie was ever made. Not holding my breath though. That show already came back once with a movie version that did the opposite of fill multi-plexes. But dreams, especially Christmas dreams, never really die. Not if they live in the hearts of those that truly believe. And I do believe there will be a "Sex and the City 3." I do, I do, I do . . .

Most other shows I might like to see revived would require voodoo, black magic, or some seriously dark arts to raise the dead. And as kick-ass as a zombie Bea Arthur would be- it'd be too disrespectful.

**I never noticed before, but look at Mrs. F's and Franklin's shirts! Bush/Cheney 2000 and "George Bush Doesn't Care About Black Puppets"! I love this show!!

Happy Birthday Julia Louis Dreyfuss!

Yes, Elain/Old Christine turns FIFTY today!! Can you believe it? She still looks great and natural! May we suggest you celebrate by doing a little dance?

If you're in doubt as to exactly what the moves are to the famous "Elaine dance" (which was etched into the collective subconscious in the Seinfeld episode "The Little Kicks"), just remember it should look like a full body dry heave.

Greatest Christmas Gift #8

The 8th greatest gift comes from "Seinfeld" and perhaps wasn't even really a Christmas gift: it was George's DONATION TO THE HUMAN FUND. He gave these out after being royally ticked that the dentist Tim Whatley made a donation in his name for Christmas after George had given him Yankee tickets! Funny thing was, the Human Fund didn't really exist and the folks at Kruger Industrial Smoothing were none too pleased.

You see, George has a long and bitter history with this glittery time of year. He was forced to celebrate Festivus instead of Christmas as a child. Oy! You know- feats of strength, metal pole, and best of all the annual airing of grievances. "I've got a lot of problems with you people!" is the way Frank Costanza began that year's Festivus dinner.

P.S. the other funny thing is that the Human Fund does exist! It supports the youth and culture of Cleveland or something worthwhile like that. Make a donation today in honor of those on your Christmas list!

Barbra, Jerry, Bette

Why oh WHY was I born a gentile?!?!?!?

There was some sort of Jewish gala lately and look at the attendees! I am so very jealous of the carpet these three heroes of mine were standing upon!

New African Podcast!

Have you heard our new episode???

It's a foray into info-tainment! And it's pretty good, if I do say so myself. Frequent Guest Star Alan (or FGSA for short) stops by and treats us to tales of his journeys in Africa! What you can expect:

malaria

poop stories

and more!

and we answer the most burning question of all: Do they know its Christmas in Africa????

Find Out!! And stay tuned for a "Seinfeld" themed version of "Things You Should Know!"

The New 2008 Line of Sins has Arrived

It’s a new year (such as it is still closer to 2007 than it is to 2009) and with this New Year comes a chance for renewal and personal growth. And also new sins. The Vatican has released a new list of sins including the sin of causing environmental blight and the sin of genetic manipulation. So the Pope is against me biologically engineering my child to look like Madonna. (The cone-bra one, not Mary, Mother of Jesus.)

And so in the spirit of creating new sins, Kendall and I present to you 5 other new sins the Vatican forgot. Be advised if you committed these sins before you read this, you’re clear. You didn’t know they were sins. But you do now, so repent bitches!

1. The sin of un-ironically listening to reggaeton music. If you actually enjoy listening to anything by Sean Paul or Daddy Yankee- you’re in luck! What do you think they play in hell? Even in the elevators, it’s “Gasolina” at top volume!! The only real penance for this is 1,000 Hail Marys and 1,000 listenings of any song by Bebe and Cece Winans.

2. The sin of leaving a box of cereal without enough cereal for at least one full bowl. If your spouse (or child/life partner/roommate/cleaning lady/hobo who lives in the walls of your house and only comes out during the day while you’re at work) goes to pour themselves a nice bowl of Peanut Butter Cap’N Crunch and only gets ¼ of a bowl’s worth, they have instantly martyred themselves and demonized you. If there’s only a handful of cereal left, just finish the box like the next Bible will tell you to!

3. The sin of using internet abbreviations in everyday conversation. “OMG! I can’t believe I missed The Hills last night!” “Did you see Semi-Pro? I totally LMAO!” These are quick and sure ways to eternal damnation.

4. The sin of comparing everything is your daily life to an episode of Seinfeld. Of course office birthday parties will remind you of when Elaine swore off the daily cake routine and ended up eating Mr. Peterman’s $27,000 antique pastry. Of course the unexpected outing of a friend/acquaintance will tempt you to say “not that there’s anything wrong with that!” And the consistent run-ins with “low-talkers,” “close-talkers,” and wearers of puffy shirts will bring up other Seinfeld-ian thoughts. Just don’t say them. The penance for this sin: confession. I confess I do this a few dozen times a day. At least as often as Elaine got phone calls from that fax machine when Kramer signed her up to get faxes of every restaurant in New York City. Serenity Now!

5. The sin of talking on your cell phone while ordering in a restaurant or checking out at a store. These servers and cashiers lives are horrible enough! Do you need to persecute them further with this 21st Century rudeness? They already work at Starbucks/K-Mart/Fill in the blank, and thus contemplate suicide at least thrice daily! Do them a favor and smile or at least be amiable. Jesus will reward you and add a Florida room onto your castle in the sky.

So now you know- and you can’t say Cliff and Kendall never did anything for your soul. This list is vegetarian chili for the soul!