2014 Excellence Award: Best TV (Daytime)

She's BACK baby! (Let's hope she STAYS baby!) I think Rosie's in for the long haul, and I pray to the TV gods that she is, for every day "The View" acts as a Hot Topics-filled balm to my soul! And you gotta give it up, cuz all 4 ladies are truly great! Whoopi and Rosie together on daytime everyday! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!

Also, fireworks constantly as every news item is incredibly controversial and elicits so many opposing views! For all this a more- The View wins the Excellence Award for Best TV (Daytime)! 

Greatest Christmas Gift #1

I don't like guns and we don't condone them! A few years ago I even told my own brother that he would shoot his eye out when, like Ralphie in "A Christmas Story," he got a RED RYDER BB GUN. (Did you guess it?)

BUT- on screen there is no greater example of a kid longing for one gift so bad it fills his life with a mania that knows no bounds. Whatever it was for you, whether you knew you wanted it or not- we've all had our "BB gun." In 1996 I welled up with tears and said "This is my Red Ryder BB Gun" when I opened a framed photograph that was autographed by Rosie O'Donnell. (It's something different for everyone!) It was a complete surprise that was better than anything I could have asked for.

As an adult I find most of the joy of Christmas truly does come from giving gifts, but as a kid- you want to RECEIVE! And if you're ever lucky enough to get that perfect gift, like I was in 96, then that's the feeling you remember every Christmas afterward. That's the feeling that makes some of us look up during a 4th of July barbecue and mutter "Damn I wish it was Christmas!" It stays with you- and I wish that feeling for all of you this Christmas.

Merry Christmas from Cliff, Kendall, Mr. Snodbottom, Mrs. Potterbutter Butterchurn, our writers, and everyone else at Cliff and Kendall Studios. We love you.

Now I Need This Channel . . .

Rosie is coming back to daytime television!! Hooray- She'll once again have her own talk show (unfortunately with fewer Koosh Balls, I'm guessing) on Oprah's own cable channel (called OWN- the Oprah Winfrey Network). Sounds good, I just need that channel now!

Rosie Follows Our Footsteps!

This fall the much beloved former talk show host is taking to the air waves! Rosie is getting her own 2 hour daily XM (or Sirius, or are they the same now?) radio show to be broadcast from her own home! And it's a call-in show (Kendall's dream!). Now Rosie, seeing as you are heading for a place where we have already trod, here is our advice to make your radio show as enjoyable as our podcast:

1. Don't be afraid of SASS with 3 capital S's!! We know you've got in you, girl- now unleash it! I think you can handle this one in your sleep!

2. Belch on the air!

3. Get a dinger to ring each time you belch right into the microphone- this could be tricky as I am the one who belches and Kendall is the one who dings, but I bet you could get a producer to ding for you. Or you could ding when the producer belches! Don't be afraid of switching things up!

4. Meet Little Johnny.

5. Avoid cowbell.

6. SING! We do all the time, and you could probably even afford to pay the copyright costs of the songs you sing- so don't be afraid to belt out a little John Denver each time your sad music starts to play.

7. See if Bette Midler is available to be the "Prude" to your "Crude"- or switch it up like Betty White and Rue McClanahan did when they were first cast as the Golden Girls. Keep 'em guessing!

8. Did we mention the K.I.S.S. model of on-air broadcasting? Keep It Sassy Stupid! Never fails!

9. Get a team of writers working on your Christmas special.

10. Few people are more liberally opinionated than us- but YOU might be! Let those far-left attitudes fly! Verbally (or print out a picture and literally) shit on the Bill O'Reillys and Hannitys of the world! They need it- and we need you to do it!

11. Learn more slang vagina terms- you won't believe how they come in handy!

12. I know you have recently given up the booze, and I respect your decision (although I don't know if I could go on the air without knockin' back a few . . .) so in the absence of six MGD 64's, let me suggest you allow Starbucks to open a new store in your hallway. Artificial stimulation lets the sass flow! (Just have a lot of funny commercials stored up for the many bathroom breaks you will need.)

13. Perhaps you dream of being Terry Gross, or hosting your own version of Marketplace, or The Splendid Table- whatever your dream, it's never too soon to rip off your favorite NPR program. It does take a while to get them right (See: our first Home Companion and This American Life "homages") but when you do, baby, "This American Rosie" is gonna be off the hook!

14. When all else fails, heap blame on the Pope!

15. Finally, just be yourself! And can I add- make your show available for download somehow- for those of us without satellite radio, pretty please?

Oh No!!!!

Rosie has quit her blog (at rosie.com)!!! No! I hope she continues to work and get her opinions out there somehow. Don't give up, Ro!

But, since she has decided to rest (and hopefully it's just that) I have decided that Kendall or I will post at least one thing EVERY DAY this year!! (Or that's how it will average out). YES!!

So, see over there on the sidebar how it tells us that December 08 had only 7 (or so) posts (June had over 60, mind you!) well- this year January will have 31 at the very least. Oh yeah!

I'm sorry we've neglected you. Let's make amends. Welcome Home.

it's time for a Cliff and Kendall cartoon!

**click for larger**

Push out the Jive, Bring in the LOVE

Watch the above video, from weeks before the invasion of Iraq in 2003, in which Janeane Garafalo is forced to "debate" some Fox News asshole. Fox News=Evil Satan, yes? Yes. Especially the guy who really gets into it with Janeane.

There is also a clip from the same show (not episode) of "Fox and Friends" where the douche bag is talking about Rosie O'Donnell's dreams of watching two roosters mate. Must be seen to be believed! Go ahead and watch that clip HERE. It's very short and just check out how revolted even the other Fox News hosts are.

Then to get the bad taste out of your mouth, try this:

Bikinis are Back!

The sleepy little town (presumably full of Mormons) of Kanab, Utah is about to have a revolution! Bikinis are no longer prohibited at the local pools!! The ban was short-lived, but did cause some national publicity in newspapers and on stupid blogs nobody reads. But they're back baby! Read more HERE. "Woops!" said the lawmakers who will soon revise their poorly worded lawbooks to again allow two piece suits for the ladies

The ban was not so much a shock to some though, as the town had already passed some sort of legislation that favored "natural families" that include a working father, stay at home mama, and a big ol' litter of young'ns. Above see some swimsuits Kendall and I would like to be a part of. Below see a natural family I would love to be a part of:

February 14th is Special

CLICK ON THE ABOVE HOMOSEXUCARD TO VIEW A LARGER VERSION, sorry, I didn't realize I was screaming.

Media Minute (Blog version)

Joining the ranks of some of our southern cousins, John Edwards and Rudy G. have dropped out of the race for the white house. We know that you are probably waiting to decide who to vote for until you hear whom Cliff and Kendall have thrown their (considerable) weight behind. But, have no fear our official podcaster endorsement will be forthcoming.

Montel Williams is ceasing production at the end of this season!! This is leaving a gaping hole in the programming of many local affiliates. Sure, they could find some other fame-hungry judge to fill the timeslot, but we have another idea.

Oh wait, maybe Marie Osmond will take his place. She's apparently getting her own talk show next season. Was no one else paying attention in the late 90's? She and Donnie had a show for about two years after Rosie became popular and everyone without something to do got their own show. We did enjoy the headline for the AOL story though: 'Dancing' Loser Gets a Talk Show'. No Mormon propaganda!

Remember when Kendall broke the WEIRD story of the pot vending machines? Well, it's true!! Hopefully they'll be next to regular vending machines. For convenience.

They're getting rid of those awful Wendy's commercials with weirdos in red wigs. Yay!! Now can they please bring Dave Thomas back from the dead? They did it with Fred Astaire. Or they could just air this:



That'll get rid of the January blahhhs.