Greatest Christmas Gift #11

Okay so we're already cheating- BUT the gift that Lucy really wanted in "A Charlie Brown Christmas"? Not dolls, bicycles, or clothes or anything so average. No, what Lucy really wanted was: REAL ESTATE.

How forward thinking of her! Honorable mention goes to Sally's suggestion for an uncomplicated gift that Santa could deliver to her: Tens and Twenties.

Old Man Wants Toys

These ones to be exact!! Coming in September to CVS drugstores!

Did Obama Block Snoopy on Purpose?

According to a looney mayor in WEST TENNESSEE he did!! Charlie Brown's annual re-learning what Christmas is all about was supposed to air this week, but Obama the Muslim who ate Christmas had to go and have a speech about the Afghan war or somthing.

Look I don't know nothin' bout bailouts and I still can't marry Jake Gyllenhaal- but I'm willing to cut Barry O some slack unless he's a closet Snoopy hater!!!!

Read the insanity spouted by the Muslim-fearing mayor HERE.

Watch A Charlie Brown Christmas HERE.

(FYI if you want to wait ABC will be airing "A Charlie Brown Christmas" on Dec. 8 and 15th at 8/7 Cental)

It's the Easter Beagle!

VALENTINES DAY video

The internet is a wonder- here is part one of the classic special "Be My Valentine, Charlie Brown" from Youtube.  Parts 2 and 3 are also online- as is the entire "Charlie Brown Valentine" special from the early 2000s.  

Happy Valentine's Day from Cliff and Kendall- wishing you lots of chocolate, conversation hearts, and if the opportunity presents itself: mega boning.  

A Song About Friendship

Above- a sweet song of friendship, below the saddest song ever!!

Death by Peanut Butter

PUT THAT PEANUT BUTTER CRACKER DOWN!!!!

Read this and see if you may already have salmonella from that snack bag of cookies you bought at the gas station. 

don't crawl under your desk

Brad Pitt's New Tattoo- Demystified!

From IMDB:

Angelina Jolie has shattered the myth surrounding partner Brad Pitt's new tattoo - it's a scribble she created. Experts suggested the series of lines on the actor's back represented the levees in the couple's adopted New Orleans, Louisiana, but Jolie insists the skin art means nothing at all.

She tells Entertainment Weekly magazine, "We went to Davos... (and) one night we didn't have anything to do, so I was drawing on his back. "He just liked it! The picture everybody saw was kind of awkward, but it just lines up beautifully on his back, just enhances the part of the body I like. "I mean, it's meaningful in that it's us making angles and shapes out of each other's body, that kind of a thing."

Okay- who is vomitting?? BRAD AND ANGELINA SPEND HOURS DRAWING ON EACH OTHER. "What shall we do tonight, Ange? We're stuck here in our sprawling 400 acre villa in the south of France. Oh, I know- call the nannies and tell them to watch the kids- you grab that Sharpie and draw some shit on my back. I like it!"

But seriously, below is a picture of a tatoo I very nearly got. He would have been smiling on me however. I don't want to look down and see him all glum.

Oh Bury Me Not . . . in a Pringles Tube

89 year old Dr Fredric J. Baur, creator of the Pringles tube passed away and, according to his wishes, was put into his most famous creation- for all eternity!

After being cremated his earthly remains were shoved, er, placed lovingly into the tube (and an urn for the "overflow"). He was a retired chemist and food storage technician for Procter and Gamble, and will always be remembered for thinking of the Pringles tube way back in 1970.

He was also credited with creating a freeze-dried ice cream that never caught on, but that he was still proud of anyway. Let this be a lesson- enjoy your own junk people! Don't nobody else's opinions matter!

Buried in a Pringles tube- at least he didn't invent the colostomy bag! What do you want to be buried in?? Here are a few options:

it's time for a Cliff and Kendall cartoon!

**click for larger**

Phones are MAD/DUMB Expensive, Yo!

Okay so I just went to look at cellphone prices and my eyes rolled back in my head and my tongue sprang from my mouth and my body made a "Cayooga" sound. Them bitches cost mad dollahs y'all! Re: HUNDREDZZZZ of $$$$$$!

So herewith are the phones worth what the people at $pr!n# are asking:

A) Up top you see the legendary red Bat phone. Batman used it. Commisioner Gordon used it. Maybe Alfred made long distance calls on it while Batman and his ward, Robin, were out kicking henchmen in the face. All in all I would pay to use it. Plus it's red!

B&C) Okay I would never be able to physically pass up the cell phone with all the Peanuts characters on it. I just wouldn't. Call it a fault if you will, but I know me. I'd be screening my calls for Blockheads for years with that sucker. And okay, if you MUST know- I have this other phone. And I'd be talking to you RIGHT NOW on it, if it only worked. But it is a beautiful chotchke.

D) Yeah yeah yeah. Worth it.

E) At first I couldn't find a picture of the phone that rich people use so I drew it from memory and I have to say I did pretty well. This phone was always the one I was drawn to as a kid when I would be in a store's phone department. Which was ALL THE TIME. Anyway, along with the Mickey Mouse phone it was the one I always wished I had. I dreamed of the day when I would be old and affluent enought to buy this phone!! And then landlines had to go and become obsolete. Good grief.

Birthday SHAME

Poor Yong Ling!! Can you imagine the bitter tears he/she must have shed when Mom and Pop brought out this big watermelon on their birthday?!?!

Yong Ling is probably in an asylum or maximum security prison or at the very least serving time as a 'sandwich artist' at the neighborhood Subway.

So in honor of this horrible excuse for a birthday cake- and it is birthday CAKE- (Just like it's Christmas TREE, don't gimme none of that Christmas bush, Christmas floor lamp shit) - in honor of this tragedy: Cakes I would much rather eat than this shameful watermelon with birthday candles stuck in it. And what is that spelling out the words? Sweet Lord I think it's cantaloupe.

1. Uh, hello, yes. I would much rather eat a big chunk of Harry Potter face. Any day of the week. Even Tuesday!

2. I don't even know what this cake is, but it looks amazing. Chocolate, brownie-like, with all kinds of fudgey looking icing, with POWDERED SUGAR on top.

3. Cake with random guy's face on it. Don't know him, don't know his family. I just know they spell "bad" with too many D's. Cut me off some exclamation point!

4. Somewhat skewed Spongebob cake resting on wrapping paper. I'm ready!!

5. Pathetic bikini cake made for some sad man's (or sad lesbian's) 40th birthday. On second thought I bet she'd be a pretty happy lesbian to get this cake. I bet she's all kinds of funky. But the straight guy- you know he just wants to be left alone with the cupcake breasts. Blecch. But I would rather eat a slice of the bikini bottom than a watermelon on my birthday.

6. This is not even a cake. It's a pie decorated with a loving rendition of Charlie Brown and Snoopy. Even if it's just a pie, or a pie tin filled with Cool Whip, or even a pie tin filled with shaving cream- I would rather eat this than watermelon as my birthday cake. Any day of the week. Even Thursday!

7. This cake is obviously someone's idea of a delightfully ironic birthday cake. And even though this cake would make me cry- (because in every joke there is a bit of truth)- I would still rather eat it than watermelon on my birthday.