Author of "Guns in Bars" Bill Arrested

HOT SUBJECT: Short version of the story: a member of the TN legislature introduced a bill that would make it legal to carry a gun into a bar. Regular rules of carrying a gun apply, but sure- why not have a few belts and then decide what to shoot? All kidding aside, the reasoning behind this bill was- what if you are attacked outside a bar!?! The thieves know you can't blow their ass away, the way you would if they tried to mug you, carjack you, etc. anywhere else.

I'm pretty sure this bill did not pass (but can't be bothered to Google it). Anyway, the rest of the story (with my own personal judgments removed): The chief sponsor of this bill was arrested recently. For a DUI. With an illegal gun in his possession. (Technically, I think the gun he was carrying was illegal due to his intoxication, which sounded pretty heavy). Just gonna let you do with this information what you will.

Click HERE to read all about it! And to see the mug shot, which is almost Nick Nolte-level.

BREAKING NEWS

More Black Pants!

OMG NO- There is a "Toe-Suck Fairy"

Please read THIS. It is far too disturbing to be fiction! It's about the "Toe-Suck Fairy"! This makes the "Barefoot Bandit" seem almost quaint! It also reminds me of Divine's son in "Polyester"- although instead of going around sucking the toes of unsuspecting elderly ladies- he stomped 'em.

WHY????

Barefoot Bandit: The Movie!

One year ago today the Feds (or somebody) caught the dude known as The Barefoot Bandit. I don't know why he never wore shoes and I also don't know why he stole the things he did (plane, boat, etc) but he's got lots of charges against him.

BUT- he was very young! Like 20 or less. Maybe 21. He hid on an island! And he's interested in book and movie deals in order to make restitution to his victims.

(I didn't even make this! Someone else had the same idea- that's the real dude on the left!)

And I just have one suggestion as to whom might have been born to play the role! (See above and below). The only problem is that the real bandit's super tall and Zac Efron is maybe a whole foot shorter. So hopefully 20th Century Fox has plenty of apple boxes!

Catch Him If You Can!

Don't Have an Aneurysm!

According to THIS important health bulletin- there are several things you could be doing RIGHT NOW that might lead to a brain aneurysm!

YOU: "What things exactly?"

Well, for one- smoking, for another: drinking your 19th cup of coffee of the day! Both might allow weak spots in the brain to take you down! And for all those gym bunnies: exercise is another risk! And for all those regular bunnies: doing it is another risk!!

I know I am going to TAKE A STAND FOR HEALTH!! No more exercise for me.

No Foolin'! James & Jake News

So I was trying to find some kind of April Fool's Day thing to post. I came up empty! I even went to the Fox news website, you know- so I could link to something awful there as a joke. I felt sick just browsing their headlines. Sooo . . .

In other real happy news:

My husband Jake Gyllenhaal has a movie coming out today!! ("Source Code"). And I swear I'm going this weekend! Don't tell him, but I still haven't seen "Love and Other Drugs," but it's at the top of my Netflix (with a very long wait). I never made it to the theater for that one. I felt too fat.

Speaking of feeling fat, I sure do when I look at my manstress James Franco! He'll be on Letterman tonight- and you (or I) don't want to miss it, as he's talking about his hosting of the Oscars! (A preview clip can be seen HERE). And Speaking of the artist known as Franco: He'll be delivered into my mailbox today via another movie I always felt too fat to see: "127 Hours"! So shortly I will be enjoying James/cringing/turning away as I watch his Oscar nominated turn as that guy who cut his own arm off.

Happy April Fool's Day!

X-Files X-posed!

Mulder & Scully- where are you??? This looks like a job for science fictions' greatest twosome (I'm pretending the last movie didn't happen).

Britain has released tons of files (X?) related to their own UFO sitings- is this proof that we're not the only life forms in the universe? I, for one, hope so- and I hope that there are some life forms that look like Jabba the Hutt so I will no longer feel like the fattest one in the galaxy.

Read all about it HERE

News Brief!

Why don't chimps get alzheimer's?? READ here!

Texting will cause your kids lives 2 be ruined!! READ here!!

Something stupid still happens. READ here!

Something else stupid. HERE

Relief for ME. Relief for YOU???

Rose and Blanche Remember Dorothy

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Just Say No to Rockstar Energy Drink!

Did you know that Rockstar energy drink is owned and operated by an ultra-right wing doofus?? Well- it is!!! 

It's time to throw you're NRG$$$ to someone with less nazi-like views on life.  They hates the gays and also the autistic!! But don't just listen to me: FIND OUT MORE. 

Sad!!

Everyone loves horses!!! And Kendall and I are no exception!!

Click HERE if you want to read some very SAD horse news!

After that you may need a PICK ME UP.

Just like "The Reader"!!

Is it wrong to hope an 88 year old geezer gets sentenced to life?!?  Well- if he's guilty- I hope he does!

In a case of backwards "ripped from the headlines"ness- THIS article explains how a retiree who lives in Cleveland has been charged with 29,000 (!!!) counts of accessory to murder for being a guard at the Nazi death camp in Sobibor.  Which makes this just like the movie "The Reader" only with some old murderer instead of Kate Winslet's extended sex scenes with that german teenager. 

Hath Not Shakespeare Eyes?? Find Out!

Click HERE to read all about how we know now what old William "The Bard-o-rama" Shakespeare looks like even though we thought we knew before!!!

Spoiler: He looks similar!

Vampire Skull Found!!!

Yes it is TRUE!!!!  Click HERE to find out about this devilish and unearthly person of the night!

Craziness! Woman burned alive for Witchery!

Click HERE to read the CNN story of a woman in Papa New Guinea (or somewhere) that was burned alive!! Terrible!!!

What's next?!?? Burning people alive for podcasting? Witchery should be embraced and loved! What's wrong with a little Love Potion #9? Nothing! Let's all love one another and our differences! Have you ever been karmically bitch-slapped by a six armed goddess? Well- you will be if we don't all learn to get along!