"Tales From The Crypt" Season 6, Episode 1. My Take

I'd forgotten how long the intro to "Tales From the Crypt" was! It rivals only the theme song of "Cliff and Kendall: Coast 2 Coast" in length, BUT when "Tales" at long last begins, the viewer is met with someone far thinner! It's the Cryptkeeper himself, and he's not only skinnier- he's also got better hair this week than Cliff and/or Kendall! DAMMIT!

Before my jealousy of the Cryptkeeper's tiny waistline could develop into full blown rage, the story begins. "Let the Punishment Fit the Crime" stars the #1 talent Catherine O'Hara as a lawyer of the ambulance chasing variety. Catherine the lawyer is stuck in a place pronounced 'Styxville' and the residents are kinda prickly. She may have just been brought in by police on charges pertaining to her license plate, but she's going after this guy in a cast. She thinks he might have a case! She gives him her card, but he wheels away before she could land him. But that's not all . . . 

NIghtmare Re-re-reboot?

Is it true that Nick Carter is going to be reinterpreting the role of Freddy Krueger? I hope so!!

I'd even say- let's leave the burn victim makeup off- so we can see that pretty little face. And his nice blond hair. And his boyish smile. Do you remember the late 90's? Nick Carter made them so much dreamier. He was not my first true love, but oh what a pre-millenium dreamboat.

I can't wait to see how to get things out of a Freddy Krueger nightmare this time! Out of a vajayjay again? Out of a manjayjay? I like the choice that Freddy has made to wear basketball shorts. So 2011.

Now, which part can Zac Efron play in this reboot? I can't remember- did Freddy have a sexy assistant? (Like me?) I guess he could bring Freddy water.

Finally!! Someone Calls Out the Monstrous Duggar Family!

"People" Magazine has at last mustered the BALLS to call out the grotesque Duggar family for using up all my oxygen!!!

They say they want more children!!! "Our hearts haven't changed" they say- well, you know what??? The fucking world has changed!!! There's now less elbow room than ever thanks to your litter- excuse me litterS of kids!

Use some birth control or hey- just STOP FUCKING!

Just like "The Reader"!!

Is it wrong to hope an 88 year old geezer gets sentenced to life?!?  Well- if he's guilty- I hope he does!

In a case of backwards "ripped from the headlines"ness- THIS article explains how a retiree who lives in Cleveland has been charged with 29,000 (!!!) counts of accessory to murder for being a guard at the Nazi death camp in Sobibor.  Which makes this just like the movie "The Reader" only with some old murderer instead of Kate Winslet's extended sex scenes with that german teenager. 

Vampire Skull Found!!!

Yes it is TRUE!!!!  Click HERE to find out about this devilish and unearthly person of the night!