"Tales From The Crypt" Season 6, Episode 1. My Take

I'd forgotten how long the intro to "Tales From the Crypt" was! It rivals only the theme song of "Cliff and Kendall: Coast 2 Coast" in length, BUT when "Tales" at long last begins, the viewer is met with someone far thinner! It's the Cryptkeeper himself, and he's not only skinnier- he's also got better hair this week than Cliff and/or Kendall! DAMMIT!

Before my jealousy of the Cryptkeeper's tiny waistline could develop into full blown rage, the story begins. "Let the Punishment Fit the Crime" stars the #1 talent Catherine O'Hara as a lawyer of the ambulance chasing variety. Catherine the lawyer is stuck in a place pronounced 'Styxville' and the residents are kinda prickly. She may have just been brought in by police on charges pertaining to her license plate, but she's going after this guy in a cast. She thinks he might have a case! She gives him her card, but he wheels away before she could land him. But that's not all . . . 

"Designing Women" Season 3, Episode 1. My Take

This episode of the other 80s-90s sitcom that featured four incredibly talented actresses playing four wise-cracking women finds our leading ladies on vacation. (Technically, "Designing Women" starred seven incredibly talented actresses as leads- just not at the same time.) In the shot above, our heroines from Atlanta pay unconscious homage to their predecessor "The Golden Girls." But this pajama breakfast comes later. 

The story starts with our ladies arriving at the condo of Julia's boyfriend (Mark Twain, above). All the women designers have brought their men along, except Suzanne. Suzanne had no man to bring and her pet pig she left with Anthony. 

This is her giving a great speech about being alone and how everyone else can cram it. Suzanna Sugarbaker owned this episode- whenever she wasn't onscreen I was thinking, "What is Suzanne doing? Where is Suzanne?" Personal note: DELTA IT'S NOT TOO LATE! YOU CAN STILL HAVE A COMEBACK! CALL RYAN MURPHY! But that's not all . . . 

"Are You Afraid of the Dark?" Season 5, Episode 3. My Take

Immediate confession: I chose this out of all the great AYAOTD episodes for one reason and that reason's name is RYAN GOSLING. But he's coming up.

The show begins with this Cliff-and-Kendall-looking character auditioning for the Midnight Society. He's apparently tried before and his stories were 11pm caliber at best- but this is Midnight we're talkin' here! So he's lined up some amazing talent for his tale of teen terror!

Yep, baby Ryan Gosling plays the older brother to the protagonist of today's story. Ryan's younger brother has seen "Harold and Maude" too many times and is obsessed with his own death. Ryan's younger brother is constantly playing "funeral" etc. Wore black a lot. You know the type! 

Ryan, however, was everyone's idea of a perfect son. Blond, loved baseball, and works on cars just for fun! No wonder the younger bro turned out weird- who could live up to being Ryan's younger brother?!?! But that's not all . . .

"Ellen" Season 5, Episode 18. My Take

"Ellen" is a show I could easily write several books about, but this episode is all I'm covering today! By season five, Ellen Morgan was way out of the closet. This installment in Ellen's life involves the boring girlfriend she's been seeing most of the season. The girfriend's so boring that this episode is bogged down by her- and it's just about her- she's not even there! Also- this episode features a truly Important Story about hospital visitation rights for gay couples. But like so many 'message episodes' that preceded it- (Example: When on "Golden Girls," Rose was tested for HIV)- truly messages sometimes dampen the festivities of a usually fun sitcom.

In a hallmark of "Ellen" season five, Ellen's friends are sadly nowhere to be seen. Here, she's stuck in the hospital waiting to find out how her boring girlfriend is doing after a car accident. Anne Heche guest stars as the boring girlfriend's ex and other mother of Ellen's boring girlfriend's boring daughter.  Anne Heche might've driven more people away from the show than towards it, but would have been a far more entertaining choice to play Ellen's full-time lady love (on the show as well as in real life, circa then). But that's not all . . .

"The Golden Palace" Season 1, Episode 2. My Take

FYI: "The Golden Palace" is the magical unicorn that was born after Dorothy left the other three "Golden Girls." (But you already knew that). It's hard to believe that it only lasted one season, but maybe after changing nights and networks no one could find it. I found it. I remember it. Some of us will never forget.

Anyway, "Golden Palace" replaced Dorothy with Don Cheadle, Cheech Marin, and a kid with a New Yawk accent. Imagine if Jerry left and George, Elaine, and Kramer opened their own "Top of the Muffin To You!" franchise. Imagine if Dunder Mifflin's Jim, Dwight, Kevin, and Phyllis opened their own Kinko's style copy store. Imagine if Carrie and Big moved to Paris, leaving Samantha, Miranda, Charlotte, and Stanford to run an internet fashion blog. "The Golden Palace" is like that, but better- because it happened.

Episode 2 (of only 24) saw Blanche clashing with Don Cheadle over how to run the hotel. It also saw Bobcat Goldthwait guest-starring as a crazy killer who'd booked a room at the Palace. Meanwhile, Rose showed everyone that she may be from St. Olaf, but can still come up with hotel-saving ideas.

This episode also showed us that midnight talks in the kitchen still happen at the hotel.
But that's not all . . .

it's time for a Cliff and Kendall cartoon!

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