"Ellen" Season 5, Episode 18. My Take

"Ellen" is a show I could easily write several books about, but this episode is all I'm covering today! By season five, Ellen Morgan was way out of the closet. This installment in Ellen's life involves the boring girlfriend she's been seeing most of the season. The girfriend's so boring that this episode is bogged down by her- and it's just about her- she's not even there! Also- this episode features a truly Important Story about hospital visitation rights for gay couples. But like so many 'message episodes' that preceded it- (Example: When on "Golden Girls," Rose was tested for HIV)- truly messages sometimes dampen the festivities of a usually fun sitcom.

In a hallmark of "Ellen" season five, Ellen's friends are sadly nowhere to be seen. Here, she's stuck in the hospital waiting to find out how her boring girlfriend is doing after a car accident. Anne Heche guest stars as the boring girlfriend's ex and other mother of Ellen's boring girlfriend's boring daughter.  Anne Heche might've driven more people away from the show than towards it, but would have been a far more entertaining choice to play Ellen's full-time lady love (on the show as well as in real life, circa then). But that's not all . . .

Hair Chat

While watching an old "Ellen" on youtube, I noticed that Paige's ex-boyfriend had nearly the hairdo I dreamed of having for what seemed like most of the 90's. It was longer and floppier than I could have managed then, or ever, as we now know most of my head-hairs have jumped to their death.

Anyway, Leonardo Dicaprio's Titanic hair was very similar and I also dreamed of having hair as floppy as Leo's. Having hair like that and of course running my fingers through that floppy blond mop of his- god just look at how it flops!

I guess 1996-1997 was the year for that hairdo- because that "Ellen," Titanic, and Good Will Hunting, all came out around then. I also desperately wanted that Matt Damon hair. But me having that hairdo would prove to be a trickier problem than that math one Will worked out as a janitor. (In an odd twist, I never had that amazing hair, but I did work as a janitor!!)

Hugh Grant had that hair, too. I wasn't a middle aged lady in the 90's, so I never really got into Hugh Grant, but I did admire the sheer floppiness of his hair. I remember owning Nine Months on vhs tape and envying how his hair did flop.

Oh well, I ended up looking just like a celebrity anyway.

Ellen Recap

Why am I talking so much about the 90's sitcom "Ellen"? Because more people should be! That's why! I've also recently noticed that 4/5 of its seasons are insanely high priced because they're out of print. And that ain't right! 

So without anymore filler, the totally straight Queen Latifah guest sang the theme song in season 4. Also David Crosby was on an episode- and the funny thing is- I saw a guy who looked just like David Crosby last night!!!! Another funny thing is- CHILDREN DO NOT KNOW WHO DAVID CROSBY IS! 

OR WHO BING CROSBY IS!! I'm having a moment here. 

Buy the Book

When I think of the fictional workplaces I might like to join, I often think of The Lunch Box in Lanford, Illinois, or the newsroom at WJM in Minneapolis. But today I thought of Ellen's bookstore, called Buy the Book, so let's talk about that. 

Buy the Book was a funky 90's bookstore coffee-shop hybrid. Notably, Ellen served coffee before Monica or Chandler ever decided only they and their friends were allowed to sit on that one sofa at Central Perk. Anyway, the charm of Ellen's bookstore can be found in rarely being busy and often being pulled into one of Ellen's wacky schemes (too many to mention even one). 

Of course Ellen would be your boss, but you'd get to work with squeaky-voiced be-pinked Audrey and the sarcastic coffee brewer Joe. I would come up with a wacky personality of my own, but who am I kidding? Like they would ever let two fat guys work there. 

In other Ellen-related musings, she had some great guest stars back in the 90's. In season 3 alone we saw Mary Tyler Moore, Kathy Griffin, Martha Stewart, and the inimitable Del Rubio Triplets! It should be required that they guest star on everything! They've done "Ellen," "The Golden Girls," and "Pee-wee's Christmas Special," but why no "30 Rock," no "Big Bang Theory," no "Law and Order: SVU"!?!? (I hope they're still alive, healthy, and rocking- I'm not gonna google and find out, because it would be too sad if they're not). 

Happy Birthday Ellen!

Today belongs to one of our two favorite lesbians: Ellen Degeneres!

The N'awleans native turns 52 years young today! She's doing better than ever, a skinny little vegan, and will soon be the nicest judge on American Idol!

Keep on truckin' Ellen- you're one of the best! Have an extra slice of your egg & butter-free cake today for us!

I'm Not Sorry

I hate that Adam Lambert (or his reps or whomever) feel he must keep constantly apologizing for his little dance number a few Sundays ago. Let it go! Madonna was way filthier at 10AM every day in the 90's!! Anyone remember that?

Below: She let's it all hang out. As she should! As we want her to!



Adam: You're not their bitch, don't let the Palin-ites hang their shit on you!

Lady Gaga on Ellen

Just a fun interview of Lady Gaga on Ellen. Thought you might enjoy!

Weird!

The less musical of my two favorite lesbians is going to be the 4th judge on American Idol- strange!  

a Message from Ellen Degeneres

Listen up Californians!!

Push out the Jive, Bring in the LOVE

Watch the above video, from weeks before the invasion of Iraq in 2003, in which Janeane Garafalo is forced to "debate" some Fox News asshole. Fox News=Evil Satan, yes? Yes. Especially the guy who really gets into it with Janeane.

There is also a clip from the same show (not episode) of "Fox and Friends" where the douche bag is talking about Rosie O'Donnell's dreams of watching two roosters mate. Must be seen to be believed! Go ahead and watch that clip HERE. It's very short and just check out how revolted even the other Fox News hosts are.

Then to get the bad taste out of your mouth, try this:

Grandpa McCain on Ellen

This video features Grandpa McCain on Ellen's show last week. She talks about "the elephant in the room." The video also features commentary on the appearance and a fairly ridiculous ad opposing gay marriage in Arizona that featured Grandpa McCain.

Queer as a ??? Dollar Bill?

Have you seen the new money?? It's so Ellen yo!

February 14th is Special

CLICK ON THE ABOVE HOMOSEXUCARD TO VIEW A LARGER VERSION, sorry, I didn't realize I was screaming.