Must We Eat Horses Now?

Are we that hungry?!?!??! Blorch HERE.

If my friend Flicka and Black Beauty are today's special, WTF IS NEXT?!?!?

OMG NO- There is a "Toe-Suck Fairy"

Please read THIS. It is far too disturbing to be fiction! It's about the "Toe-Suck Fairy"! This makes the "Barefoot Bandit" seem almost quaint! It also reminds me of Divine's son in "Polyester"- although instead of going around sucking the toes of unsuspecting elderly ladies- he stomped 'em.

WHY????

Food Alert #1

Beware if you find yourself in a gas station looking for a "healthy" snack. I know you can't believe someone who bares such a striking resemblance to Jabba the Hutt is typing the word HEALTHY.

Anyway- Fig Newton snack pack has two Newtons in it about the length of a pinky finger. Here's the BEWARE part!! There's a regular and low fat newton pack- AND the nutrition facts are confusing! The low fat pack has TWO SERVINGS in the snack pack and the regular has but ONE! And they're the same size!!

It seemed so important when I began this post!

Don't Have an Aneurysm!

According to THIS important health bulletin- there are several things you could be doing RIGHT NOW that might lead to a brain aneurysm!

YOU: "What things exactly?"

Well, for one- smoking, for another: drinking your 19th cup of coffee of the day! Both might allow weak spots in the brain to take you down! And for all those gym bunnies: exercise is another risk! And for all those regular bunnies: doing it is another risk!!

I know I am going to TAKE A STAND FOR HEALTH!! No more exercise for me.

Please Stop Fucking!!!!

In a bit of horrible news that I totally called on a podcast earlier this summer- the incredibly irresponsible and IDIOTIC Duggar family is about to unleash another child onto this overpopulated planet!

NO THANK YOU!

I knew from the title of their insanely ludicrous TV Show "18 & Counting . . ." that they would have another child. TLC probably paid for it! These people need a fucking condom, vasectomy, hysterectomy, BIRTH CONTROL, or something!!! I understand the opposition to abortion- but wear a FUCKING RUBBER!!!

STOP HAVING SO MANY FUCKING BABIES!!!!! THEY ARE STEALING ALL MY OXYGEN!

(I know all the kids are cute and shit, but does any one family need 19 people???? What if we all did that? We would have to mow down every inch of forest, fill in all the lakes and rivers, and build houses on the polar ice caps, and still we would all die. I just know it!)