"Snoopy's Getting Married, Charlie Brown" My Take

This 1985 "Peanuts" special finds everyone's favorite beagle getting hitched! Yep, 20 years after "A Charlie Brown Christmas" Snoopy finally found the one. 

It began, like many great love stories, with a girl (Peppermint Patty) borrowing a "watch dog" (Snoopy)  one night when her father was out of town. Trouble was- this watch dog ran off in the middle of the night! 

Peppermint Patty insisted that "Chuck" take on the responsibility of watch dog. You can't blame her- she was alone and I seem to remember, that in 1985 Freddy and Jason were slashing people left and right! Charlie Brown declined the dog collar but then . . . 

. . . lost all dignity by accepting a bone. Hey, it was late. He was tired. 

But that's not all . . .

Anyway, next morning- who should show back up? Snoopy and guess what- when he ran off and left Peppermint Patty defenseless last night- IT WAS OUT OF LOVE! It was love at first sniff for Snoopy and a french poodle. And while their engagement may seem quick to you and I, remember dog years are different than human years. 

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, who lives in a cactus out in the desert?? Snoopy's brother Spike! You know that mailman hates delivering things to Spike's cactus mailbox. I bet it's mostly junk mail too! Today though, he's delivering a letter from Snoopy asking Spike to be his Best Beagle at a controversial dog wedding! (Remember back in 1985 when everyone was fighting for dog marriage rights!?!) 

Here's Snoopy with his l'amour Genevieve. They resisted recreating the famous "Lady & the Tramp" spaghetti scene. 

Spike was SO POOR (How poor was he?) Spike was so poor that he had to do a stint as a race dog just to make enough dough to get to Snoopy's wedding. The bastards at the track didn't even give him the prize money! He had to hobo it the rest of the way. 

Meanwhile, in the lap of luxury, Snoopy shops for formal wear. He even bought a cane! But don't worry, this isn't turning into a treatise on class warfare. It's just a dog wedding! 

Spike then arrives via garbage truck. 

God, Spike is so skinny!!!! I'm jealous of a cartoon dog!!!! 

BEST PART ALERT: This scene is the best part of the whole show. It's Snoopy's bachelor party so you know things are about to get raw! At this point, all the guys are getting real hopped up on root beer and fruit.

Snoopy, on the other hand, feels like any sane person the night before their wedding. PANIC stricken. 

The party must go on, no matter how much the groom-to-be wishes he was dead! Above, Linus and Schroeder attempt to reenact the (kinky) tradition of "groom drinking root beer from bride's shoe." Since bride doesn't wear shoes, Schroeder borrowed his mother's. Too bad it had an open toe. Now Snoopy is rethinking every decision he's ever made AND sticky. 

The next morning finds Snoopy anxious and fighting a severe root beer hangover. He's made his decision though, and the deal is sealed when (all engaged persons take note) Charlie Brown tells him that a ring-bearer has been chosen. That's the point of no return at which the couple must marry!

So- reservations or no- Snoopy is hauled to the altar by Charlie Brown and Spike. Snoopy is all jitters until the bad news comes in: Snoopy's fiancé has run off with a golden retriever, thus proving: bitches can get cold paws too. 

Peppermint Patty takes it particularly hard. She did look all over town for that dog-bride and dog-groom  on top of the wedding cake. Plus, the couple met at her house, so she's taking it a little personally. 

All the stress causes Snoopy to take a page out of Cliff and Kendall's book by eating his feelings. It should be noted that Snoopy started with a salad before he ate his weight in wedding cake- Cliff and Kendall would never start with a salad (or include a salad at all- that shit would be garbage). 

Snoopy proved he was taking the split pretty well by going a step further and sharing the cake with his gaunt brother. That's Spike eating his cake alone in the top room of his hollowed out cactus. God, I wish I was as skinny as Spike! 

Final Fun Fact: I liked the peaceful setting of Spike's cactus home at night so much that I made it my wallpaper! If you want to get wedding fever, click HERE to watch the whole show.