it's time for a Cliff and Kendall cartoon!

**click for larger**

it's time for a Cliff and Kendall Cartoon!

**click for larger view**

For No Reason

Seriously, who wouldn't want to eat these cupcakes??

And if you don't, what the fuck is your problem?? No really. If looking at the above photo doesn't create a near insatiable desire to shove a small cake (piled high with frosting and smothered in sprinkles) right into your face, I think you should take some time and get to know more about yourself. Someone's lying. And lying to yourself is the worst lie of all.

Jolie Didn't Want to Love Brad

From IMDB:

Hollywood actress Angelina Jolie didn't want to fall in love with another actor after two failed marriages - she was looking for love with an aid worker.

The Tomb Raider star was adamant never to date anyone on the Hollywood party circuit after her marriages to Billy Bob Thornton and Jonny Lee Miller failed. (What about her brother?)

But Jolie fell for Pitt - after her dreams of finding Mr Average faded. She tells the July edition of Vanity Fair, "After my last divorce, I said I was absolutely going to marry somebody in another field, an aid worker or something.

"Then I met Brad, everything I wasn't looking for, but the best man, the best father I could possibly wish for, you know?" I don't see him as an actor. I see him very much as a dad, as somebody who loves travel and architecture more than being in movies."

Well, who can blame Angelina? She wanted a Joe Schmoe- but fell in love with Brad. Why would she do that? How could she help herself?? Hollywood is a fickle mistress that's for sure, especially when you're a pouty lipped, (former?) bisexual, and (former?) heroin user. Oh, and an Oscar winner!

What a world we live in. Count your blessings, and wish on the moon, because maybe while we're all looking for our Joe/Jane Schmoes we'll find a Brad too. Or not. Probably not, actually scratch that. Life sucks unless you're a Jolie-Pitt!

Which reminds me of another story:

Cliff Didn't Want to Eat the Reese's Pieces

When we caught up withe podcaster/media mogul, he had this to say about his "unexpected" meeting with the candy: "I didn't want to eat the Reese's Pieces- I was looking for a piece of fruit, maybe a carrot, but there they were- delicious chocolate and peanut buttery- and with Batman's face on them. How could I resist?" How, indeed?

Birthday SHAME

Poor Yong Ling!! Can you imagine the bitter tears he/she must have shed when Mom and Pop brought out this big watermelon on their birthday?!?!

Yong Ling is probably in an asylum or maximum security prison or at the very least serving time as a 'sandwich artist' at the neighborhood Subway.

So in honor of this horrible excuse for a birthday cake- and it is birthday CAKE- (Just like it's Christmas TREE, don't gimme none of that Christmas bush, Christmas floor lamp shit) - in honor of this tragedy: Cakes I would much rather eat than this shameful watermelon with birthday candles stuck in it. And what is that spelling out the words? Sweet Lord I think it's cantaloupe.

1. Uh, hello, yes. I would much rather eat a big chunk of Harry Potter face. Any day of the week. Even Tuesday!

2. I don't even know what this cake is, but it looks amazing. Chocolate, brownie-like, with all kinds of fudgey looking icing, with POWDERED SUGAR on top.

3. Cake with random guy's face on it. Don't know him, don't know his family. I just know they spell "bad" with too many D's. Cut me off some exclamation point!

4. Somewhat skewed Spongebob cake resting on wrapping paper. I'm ready!!

5. Pathetic bikini cake made for some sad man's (or sad lesbian's) 40th birthday. On second thought I bet she'd be a pretty happy lesbian to get this cake. I bet she's all kinds of funky. But the straight guy- you know he just wants to be left alone with the cupcake breasts. Blecch. But I would rather eat a slice of the bikini bottom than a watermelon on my birthday.

6. This is not even a cake. It's a pie decorated with a loving rendition of Charlie Brown and Snoopy. Even if it's just a pie, or a pie tin filled with Cool Whip, or even a pie tin filled with shaving cream- I would rather eat this than watermelon as my birthday cake. Any day of the week. Even Thursday!

7. This cake is obviously someone's idea of a delightfully ironic birthday cake. And even though this cake would make me cry- (because in every joke there is a bit of truth)- I would still rather eat it than watermelon on my birthday.

Easter Poll Results

Get Clean, America!

This week on our podcast Kendall and I expose our disgusting pasts as janitors! And with such disclosure comes a whole washtub of cleaning tips you can't live without!!

But this episode is more than just a primer for second rate custodians, it also features the heavenly sounds of Cliff and Kendall in the kitchen eating Cadbury eggs for easter, a media minute filled with 60 seconds worth of up to the minute Hollywood gossip*, and a new feature full of bad jokes!**

So settle in for the fun as Cliff and Kendall try to clean up the country!

*up to the minute means up to approximately 8pm Eastern 3-19-08

**bad jokes means even worse jokes than you would typically hear on a regular episode

Poll Results!

Emergency Valentine Gift List

With Valentine’s Day looming TERRIFYINGLY close, we thought you may need help finding a gift for your special someone. Here is a list of acceptable gifts:

1. Personalized Hershey chocolate card thing. Nothing says “Love” like icing spelling out “love” on a piece of candy.

2. Biography of Johnny Depp. If you are dating a woman she will think you have tapped into her psyche and found her secret wish that you were Johnny Depp. She wouldn’t even care if you had scissorhands. If you are dating a man he will think this book holds all keys to his future Depp-dom. If you are alone, it’s just a fascinating read. He was in makeup How Long for Pirates 2???

3. The first season of HBO’s “Tell Me You Love Me.” I haven’t seen it, but everyone is naked for the entire length of every episode. The title can also be seen as a directive to your Valentine. This may seem desperate. Just emphasize the hours of nakedness.

4. A diamond ring. Girls like that shit, right? It also will give you both an excuse to use the word ‘bling’ several times. That’s fun.

5. Life insurance. This is only for those who plan on offing their loved ones in the near future.

6. Steak of the month club. I can hear Kendall saying, “That’s the gift that keeps on giving” or he might change it to, “The gift that keeps on mooing.” Whatever, if you eat meat then it’s like a jackpot.

7. Finally, if you are single on this holy day of love, I recommend giving yourself lots and lots of ice cream. And then lots and lots of gin.