Birthday SHAME

Poor Yong Ling!! Can you imagine the bitter tears he/she must have shed when Mom and Pop brought out this big watermelon on their birthday?!?!

Yong Ling is probably in an asylum or maximum security prison or at the very least serving time as a 'sandwich artist' at the neighborhood Subway.

So in honor of this horrible excuse for a birthday cake- and it is birthday CAKE- (Just like it's Christmas TREE, don't gimme none of that Christmas bush, Christmas floor lamp shit) - in honor of this tragedy: Cakes I would much rather eat than this shameful watermelon with birthday candles stuck in it. And what is that spelling out the words? Sweet Lord I think it's cantaloupe.

1. Uh, hello, yes. I would much rather eat a big chunk of Harry Potter face. Any day of the week. Even Tuesday!

2. I don't even know what this cake is, but it looks amazing. Chocolate, brownie-like, with all kinds of fudgey looking icing, with POWDERED SUGAR on top.

3. Cake with random guy's face on it. Don't know him, don't know his family. I just know they spell "bad" with too many D's. Cut me off some exclamation point!

4. Somewhat skewed Spongebob cake resting on wrapping paper. I'm ready!!

5. Pathetic bikini cake made for some sad man's (or sad lesbian's) 40th birthday. On second thought I bet she'd be a pretty happy lesbian to get this cake. I bet she's all kinds of funky. But the straight guy- you know he just wants to be left alone with the cupcake breasts. Blecch. But I would rather eat a slice of the bikini bottom than a watermelon on my birthday.

6. This is not even a cake. It's a pie decorated with a loving rendition of Charlie Brown and Snoopy. Even if it's just a pie, or a pie tin filled with Cool Whip, or even a pie tin filled with shaving cream- I would rather eat this than watermelon as my birthday cake. Any day of the week. Even Thursday!

7. This cake is obviously someone's idea of a delightfully ironic birthday cake. And even though this cake would make me cry- (because in every joke there is a bit of truth)- I would still rather eat it than watermelon on my birthday.