The Lord Giveth . . .

And in life God shall smite you with bad news on the same day as good. It's in Revelations, people!!!!

First, the Good:

Eddie Murphy is OUT as Oscar host!!! If you listen back (and why wouldn't you?) to some episode this fall, I believe we broke this story during "Hot Subjects." And nary a one of us was in favor of it! Unless he'd done the whole show as Mama Klump, I would've just been longing for James Franco to come back and "stonedly" introduce a clip package celebrating the use of window treatments in cinema classics.

If they can't get the host of Food Networks Cupcake/Halloween Wars (above), I'd bring back Ellen or Steve Martin. Kendall would shout, "Billy Crystal!" And now for the Worse Than Bad!

The Duggars are again reproducing! This is REVOLTING. I know I'm Oprah now, and I don't like judging others. BUT. The Duggars are terrible people. This is baby number 20!!!! TWENTY!

T-W-E-N-T-Y.

That poor last baby was born with many health problems, and yet CONDOMS ARE OF SATAN.

The Devil also endorses:

Pulling out

The pill (the one Loretta Lynn sang about in the 1960's!!!!)

The tying of tubes for those stout, birthin' hipped Duggar ladies

Vasectomies for any male with the last name Duggar

Right wing nutjobs who defile the teachings of Christ,

especially those who WILL NOT STOP FUCKING

Republicans Like it Rough

You can click HERE to read a hilariously real article about the Republican National Convention and their $2,000 tab at a bondage themed strip club in West Hollywood. Seems they enjoyed seeing nearly nude lesbian lovin' as they plotted ways to keep guns, glorify Christ, and screw gays.

Funny!

Take This, Pope!

Sinead O'Connor has a bone to pick with the evil, horrible, no-goodnick Pope! Irish bishops have been asking parishioners to pony up some dough to give to victims of priest molestation!

Sinead says nothing compares 2 the Pope- in a bad way! She continued in an open letter to several Irish newspapers:

"If Christ was here, he would be burning down the Vatican. And I for one would be helping him. How long do they expect us to restrain ourselves? We have put up with this bull dung for hundreds of years.

A true Christian is someone who, in any given situation, is supposed to ask themselves what would Jesus do, then try to do that. How an organisation which has acted, decade after decade, only to protect its business interests above the interests of children can feel it has the right to dictate to us what Christians should do is beyond belief."

Say it Sinead! Just in time for St. Patrick's Day!

See Ya, B***h!

Now that you've resigned over a year early, please go dig a hole and crawl deep into it. Don't leave a trail of bread crumbs, we don't want you to find your way back. Live a long and beautiful life as a hockey mom and whatever the fuck else. Just leave us the hell alone.

Thanks!

America

Who's More Evil?

It's fun game time here on the blog!! Inspired by our "FEAR" episode, you see below three Super-Villain profiles and you have to decide for yourself which one is the most evil!!! Fun, huh?

The only way for you to win is to know truly in your heart that you have chosen the correct answer. And your prize is self-fulfillment. Ready to play?


A) Alien. She's a bitch baby! She'll rip you up soon as look at ya. Or she'll lay a baby in your brain! Just be glad you don't live in the future or you know everytime you had the slightest heartburn, you'd be waiting for one of her babies to burst from your chest!


B) It. He IS fear!! He lives in the sewers and can come up through the drain in your bathtub. He can come through the faucet in the sink at work. He can transform into a giant spider and eat your face!


C) Mike Huckabee. He's running a bigoted Hell-Fire campaign to be your next Commander In Chief! He wants to cut and paste the Constitution like a drunk Martha Stewart making valentines! He sure don't want you to get an abortion! What will he do with all the unwanted children? Maybe he'll eat them!