Is Netflix Ruining Your Life?

I remember the old days- when I'd spend the summer riding my bike to the old video store at sunset. I'd load up and rent 5 old vhs movies (from the middle of the store- new releases were excluded) for $5 and head home for days of entertainment!!

Okay- I never rode my bike. I was too bloated from Little Debbie cakes. But I did rent lots of non-new movies for cheap and hole up in my bedroom and see if they were worth the buck I'd spent to rent them. Nowadays- we computer types have Netflix streaming- where you can watch so many movies and full series runs of TV shows that someone coined the phrase "Netflix Streaming Syndrome."

Symptoms include:

Insomnia brought on by watching every episode of a compelling series in a row at the expense of getting a good night's sleep.

Anti-social behavior as a result of staying in and making it a "Netflix night" rather than going out in public and seeing other human beings.

Blackouts induced by spending an entire day watching movies back-to-back.

I haven't lost my job from it or anything- but I am currently in the middle of season 4 of "The Larry Sanders Show" and I do really want to get home to watch more!! Does that count? Do I have a light case of Netflix Streaming Syndrome? Is my NSS only offset by my concurrent addiction to Hulu? Speaking of- before I watch more Larry tonight- I have to watch last night's "Glee" (catch the first season streaming on Netflix!) Read more about the (currently fictional) NSS HERE!

Boy, things are different from 200 million years ago when I was a kid!

Free Halloween Wallpaper!

Click above for larger! Then you know the rest . . . Happy Halloween!

Shocking iPod News!!!!!

Read THIS article to hear how your iPod may be dangerous to your health!! Also how it can be like living in the movie "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest"!! Although I prefer the book- sorry Nicholson fanatics!! I own "About Schmidt" and owe much of my childhood to his portrayal of the Joker!! Sorry for all the double exclamation points!!! I'm just very excited about this blog post.

OMG--- I just realized that in the first sentence of this paragraph I wrote "Read this article to hear . . ." You hear with your ears!!!! Stupid!! God, I am so dumb!!

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it's time for a Cliff and Kendall cartoon!

**click for larger view**

The New 2008 Line of Sins has Arrived

It’s a new year (such as it is still closer to 2007 than it is to 2009) and with this New Year comes a chance for renewal and personal growth. And also new sins. The Vatican has released a new list of sins including the sin of causing environmental blight and the sin of genetic manipulation. So the Pope is against me biologically engineering my child to look like Madonna. (The cone-bra one, not Mary, Mother of Jesus.)

And so in the spirit of creating new sins, Kendall and I present to you 5 other new sins the Vatican forgot. Be advised if you committed these sins before you read this, you’re clear. You didn’t know they were sins. But you do now, so repent bitches!

1. The sin of un-ironically listening to reggaeton music. If you actually enjoy listening to anything by Sean Paul or Daddy Yankee- you’re in luck! What do you think they play in hell? Even in the elevators, it’s “Gasolina” at top volume!! The only real penance for this is 1,000 Hail Marys and 1,000 listenings of any song by Bebe and Cece Winans.

2. The sin of leaving a box of cereal without enough cereal for at least one full bowl. If your spouse (or child/life partner/roommate/cleaning lady/hobo who lives in the walls of your house and only comes out during the day while you’re at work) goes to pour themselves a nice bowl of Peanut Butter Cap’N Crunch and only gets ¼ of a bowl’s worth, they have instantly martyred themselves and demonized you. If there’s only a handful of cereal left, just finish the box like the next Bible will tell you to!

3. The sin of using internet abbreviations in everyday conversation. “OMG! I can’t believe I missed The Hills last night!” “Did you see Semi-Pro? I totally LMAO!” These are quick and sure ways to eternal damnation.

4. The sin of comparing everything is your daily life to an episode of Seinfeld. Of course office birthday parties will remind you of when Elaine swore off the daily cake routine and ended up eating Mr. Peterman’s $27,000 antique pastry. Of course the unexpected outing of a friend/acquaintance will tempt you to say “not that there’s anything wrong with that!” And the consistent run-ins with “low-talkers,” “close-talkers,” and wearers of puffy shirts will bring up other Seinfeld-ian thoughts. Just don’t say them. The penance for this sin: confession. I confess I do this a few dozen times a day. At least as often as Elaine got phone calls from that fax machine when Kramer signed her up to get faxes of every restaurant in New York City. Serenity Now!

5. The sin of talking on your cell phone while ordering in a restaurant or checking out at a store. These servers and cashiers lives are horrible enough! Do you need to persecute them further with this 21st Century rudeness? They already work at Starbucks/K-Mart/Fill in the blank, and thus contemplate suicide at least thrice daily! Do them a favor and smile or at least be amiable. Jesus will reward you and add a Florida room onto your castle in the sky.

So now you know- and you can’t say Cliff and Kendall never did anything for your soul. This list is vegetarian chili for the soul!

it's time for a Cliff and Kendall cartoon!

Click for larger view**