All NEW Weight Loss Tips!

Are there really any NEW tips to losing weight? Other than pretending there aren't TWO ice cream places within one mile of your house? And shutting your fucking yap instead of piling empty calories into it as quickly as possible- as though you're trying to protect gold from the Nazis?

Yahoo seems to think so! HERE are some weight loss tips from their e-experts. A few ways to decrease your ass: Drink ONLY herbal tea and water! Eat with chopsticks! Add cinnamon to everything!!

If you do these things (and the others) you'll probably look like . . .

The Truth About Calories

Enjoy this photo of Zac Efron and read THIS article which reveals the **Truth** about calories!! Did you know that exercise is not the biggest calorie burner?! Even the leanest gym bunnies only burn around 30% of their daily calories at the gym.

Calories! Weight! It can all be so exhausting! I need more pictures of Zac Efron!

Five Fat Free Tips

Have scientists finally cracked the code for instant weight loss? NO. But, click HERE to check out five ways to boost your weight loss. What, you don't need to lose weight? Then go HERE.

If you do need to shed a few pounds though, some factors that allegedly help your waist size go down are:

Going Organic (pesticides effect your metabolism)

Drinking cold water (Anything Zac Efron does must be low-cal)

Standing (Note to Cliff: Break up long periods of laying with some standing. Laying for hours watching shows on Hulu shuts down your body's fat burning system)

Protein (I know a good source, ask me how)

Going to bed earlier (more sleep= less stress= less fat! Going to bed with 2 or 3 of the stars of "Glee" is preferrable.)

The Kitchen Should Be Closed!

If you're like Cliff and Kendall (or the baby in that photo) and can't shut your pie-hole when it's late at night and you should be sleeping or resting or doing anything other than eating your 47th handful of peanuts, then you might want to click HERE. They've got a nice list of ways you can distract yourself from the voice in your head that says "who cares how fat I get!"

The reason for late-night snacking that rings truest to me is:

"Off-limits thinking

The psychological nature of "dieting" prompts you to feel that late-night eating is taboo which, in turn, creates "off limits" thinking. Sometimes when we tell ourselves we can't have something, we end up wanting it all the more. "

Mash Recipe

If you were lucky enough to catch our recent podcast "Obese Again, Naturally" you heard us discuss a recipe of my own creation: Mash. It's low-cal, low-prep, high in vitamins, and more appetizing than anything in Disney Pixar's 'Ratatouille.' Many people don't love plain vegetables, but who doesn't love casseroles?? This is like a very healthy casserole just for you!

First! You will need:

1 vegetable you can stomach. My favorite to use is zuccini (about 2 medium/large or 3 or 4 small ones), but you can also use squash, spinach, or as I had on hand today: broccoli. The point of the vegetable is you want to use one that is zero Weight Watcher points. To learn more you can click HERE. You want a large amount of the vegetable, as it makes up the majority of the your mash.

Low-cal Spaghetti sauce (you will only need 1/4-1/2 a cup)

1 frozen veggie burger. Kendall and I are vegetarians, so we use these. For a carnivore you can figure out the equivalent amount of meat, but you might as well use a veggie burger as they are low-cal and are clearly marked "1 WW Point" (see photo). I especially like the Boca Bruschetta burgers and the Morningstar Farms Black Bean burger (although they are 2 points).

10 saltines

(You can also add some cooked onion, onion powder, garlic powder, any low sodium, no-cal spice that you like.)

Step One: cook your vegetable. Cook it until it is soft and mashable. I boiled my broccoli, Kendall grates his zuccini, there's no wrong way to do it so long as it's nice and soft when it's done.

Step Two: Microwave your veggie burger and mash it up.

Step Three: Add cooked vegetable to mashed veggie burger in a large bowl.

Step Four: Crush up 10 saltines into the bowl.

Step Five: Add 1/4 to 1/2 cup of spaghetti sauce to mixture. Use enough to satisfy your taste, but no more than 80 calories worth. (Refer to the back of the jar).

Step Six: MASH THAT SHIT UP! Once your mash has turned into something that resembles what the Pilgrims did into buckets and then tossed overboard the Mayflower, you're done!

Step Seven: Eat it! It does look awful. I admit it. BUT it tastes good!! It's like a one person casserole that will satisfy your need for a large heap of food and won't add those unwanted pounds! We all need something to keep us full around the holidays and this is something!