Awful Things (Past, Present, Future)

"To my Blake encarcerated!"

Past Awful Thing: The Children's Crusade.

Present Awful Thing: (Last night, close enough) The 50th Annual Grammy Awards.
I accidentally tuned in to see the show last night, and let me tell you I'm glad I did. Had I not, I might've felt like I've missed out by not watching more than 10 minutes of any Grammy ceremony in roughly a decade.

Imagine how reassured I was when I saw Fergie warble her way through some intolerable song with a wasted John Legend. Regrets were further pushed away as I had to watch a poor befuddled old lady feign enjoyment while singing "Old Black Magic" with Kid Rock. Oh, the treat of seeing Andy Williams pretend he knew who Nelly Furtado and that random chick from that random CBS show were.

"Amy Winehouse is Jesus!!!" my television seemed to shout at me, and I guess she might not be so bad, but give her a break. She'll be smoking crack out of those Grammys in a fortnight. The only upside of the evening was the belly laugh I got when Herbie Hancock was given Album of the Year for some Joni Mitchell tribute. (No I did not laugh when Will.i.am was called a professor. I groaned. Loudly.)

Future Awful Thing: The movie Definitely, Maybe. Abigail Breslin stopped being cute right after they yelled "That's a wrap!" on the set of Little Miss Sunshine. There I said it. Also, Ryan Reynolds stopped being cute when he and Alanis Morrisette broke up. Someone please send him the message we've found the better Ryan: Gosling! we don't need Reynolds anymore!

This film dares ask the bold questions, "Who is my mother?" "What is a threesome?" and "What is the level cinematic torture one can endure before you take that suicide pill you keep in your wallet 'Just in case'???"