When Life Gives You Liz Lemons . . .

So sad this show is going off the air!!!!!! Although I must admit a Universe that allows us 7 seasons of a show this brilliant is a benevolent one indeed.  It's the best comedy of the last ten years (according to one source*), and is my favorite by a wide margin.






I took some pictures of the latest episode like a sad Grampa who doesn't want his baby to go off to college.

Above: Jack on the phone. We both remember when Bravo used to air operas. 

Who will fill the void in my heart when this signs off? Liz is pointing to Leslie Knope (sidenote: NBC, please don't cancel "Parks and Recreation"!!!)

Jack appears as Harriet Tubman in Tracy's dream. 

Liz in the only white dress she owns. She had a wedding dress, but during hurricane Irene she forgot to stock up on toilet paper, but remembered to stock up on seven layer dip. 

Tracy with sunscreen on. 

The totally venerable Tony Bennett cancelled an appearance at the White House as a favor to Jack.

*me

The Universe Shouts, "Life Worth Living"

In a bold move from the Universe, in a bid to convince millions of citizens afflicted with that thing where you're depressed because it's not summer, Hollywood is releasing a Barbra Streisand movie the same day as a Bette Midler movie!

No, I did not get three wishes from a Christmas genie- this is just happening! Let's hope these movies both become trilogies.

Also, Kendalls of the Earth will enjoy the fact that Bette Midler's movie also stars Oscar host Billy Crystal.

Maybe Obama was right- is there hope after all!?!??!?!?!

New Episode: Thanksgiving Home Companion Live 2012

Our all new LIVE show is up now on itunes! If you're friendless and have no family to spend Thanksgiving with- that's great! Spend it with us!

Our live show features musical performances, special guests, horrible jokes, and all the Thanksgiving spirit two morbidly obese hosts can muster!

Listen or download over on the right.

Hillbilly Willy 4

This year, Cliff and Kendall are once again drawn back to the North Busheltown Woods and must face one of the top four scariest moments of their lives!  Ghosts, Nuns, and Orphans.  Spooooooky.  Listen on the right or at iTunes by searching   "Cliff and Kendall"

Halloween Success Tip #2

As a young Tom Cruise once put it, "Sometimes you just gotta say what the f***."

My real point is you should say that (what's in quotation marks above) and spend the day watching Roseanne Halloween episodes.

 

. . . and the worms have eaten me. Yeah, that's probably my favorite one. 

Right!?!?!?

(click the photo for a closer inspection)

Question: Doesn't Beetlejuice-era Alec Baldwin look like a shorter, hairier Ryan Gosling? 

Answer: Yes.

Halloween Success Tip #1

Halloween Success Tip #1:

Spend all your money on the Halloween versions of things! Satan knows I have!  For instance, buy and then ingest a Halloween version of donut holes!  They taste like pure sugar- so they're normal and haven't had a flavor modification. Admittedly, I ate probably fifteen and threw the rest out the window as I drove home from the grocery store. (Stray dogs cheered no doubt when they sniffed 'em out on the roadside.)

Also, why not say, "F*** my Roth IRA- I'll buy some Halloween yogurt!" I said just that and was never happier than during the 90 seconds it took me to eat Frankenstein's official dairy product. If regular yogurt has live cultures, does Halloween yogurt have undead cultures?*

It's also okay to enjoy Halloween editions of products you always get anyway. I felt a terrifying tingle upon my spine when I pulled this Netflix envelope from my mailbox.

Oh and yeah- Oreos too!! You may want to sit down, because I ate all the Oreos. (Probably in one sitting, but who can remember?)

*Warning to hack comedians: Don't steal this hilarious observation!

Hillbilly Willy is Back!

If you're one of the tiny, dust mote-sized minority of Cliff and Kendall fans who haven't caught up with the past three Hillbilly Willy Halloween specials- look no further! Follow the links below to listen or download our Hillbilly Willy shows 1-3.  And listen for Hillbilly Willy 4, coming soon to a haunted mp3 player near you.

The Halloween of Hillbilly Willy

Hillbilly Willy Returns

Hillbilly Willy 3: House of Demons

Halloween is Here!

For all intents and purposes, or as some might say, "For all intensive purposes" Halloween is here! If you haven't taken the opportunity to traipse down to the g****m grocery store to buy a mother-scaring pumpkin- what the hell are you waiting for???? CHRISTMAS!?!!???! !      ?

There are count'em 18 days left until the night the dead roam the earth! Use them wisely and terrifyingly.

To get you started why not take a trip to Busheltown where it's also Halloween! Download our new show "Halloween in Busheltown" to get a jolt of seasonal spirit. Grab the show over on the right or head to itunes.

*Apparently you should also be wearing a Halloween t-shirt 24/7, but that goes without saying. 

How to Survive an Atomic Bomb

Jewel the new Vocal Artist for Cliff and Kendall?

Not really.  But she did write and perform a song for Wal-mart.  Turns out she's their new spokesperson.  If she is that desperate for work, maybe we can get her to sing our theme song!  Jewel, if you're reading this (which I know you are not) send us an email at cliffandkendall@yahoo.com

New Show: How OLD Do You Feel??

As we approach the bitter pill that is "31," Kendall and I have prepared a show all about aging! (Yes: again!!! We have so much more to say!)

We're railing against the "youth regime" and then falling asleep before sundown. We've also got Bad Jokes (some have aged as badly as we have), Things U Should Know, and Would U Rather?!?






*Becky and Austin may not be the constant bloggers that we hoped they would be, but our show is still plugging along! Listen up over on the right or download now from itunes.

Celebrities Are Just Like Us!

One celebrity that Cliff and Kendall can relate to is Jonah Hill.  Sitting on the beach in a towel all by himself, while Chanum Tatum rubs it in his face.  This is like high school all over again!

Some Fat Card

Drinking Vs Sober

Check this out.  This is a comparison to what you think when you are drunk vs what is reality.

Kendall Broke the Swing Again

This is Becky (Kendall's Assistant)  Yesterday, I found Kendall out back behind the studio on the ground after breaking our swing set.  Guess they don't build children's playground equipment like they used to.  Either that, or extremely large people shouldn't be using it.  That used to be were Austin and I would hang out on our breaks (from picking Cliff and Kendall's food up)

Want to Annoy Someone?

If you want to annoy someone in your office, download this app.  It makes your typing sound like an old fashioned typewriter.  I personally love it.  Or you could just play Cliff and Kendall: Coast to Coast at Max Volume all day.  Either one.

Newsflash: Teen Metamorphosis

Tween Mega-Star (and X-Factor judge) Demi Lovato has turned into Stifler's Mom/Christopher Guest comedienne Jennifer Coolidge.

I think I actually like her a whole lot more now.

New Show - Stereotypes We Break

This week on the show we're showing just how UNtrue stereotypes are!! We're exploding them like tight pants on our fat bodies. We've also got sensual Dear Cliff and Kendall questions direct from listeners, BAD Jokes, and the exciting second part of the Bushelton Abbey mini-series that (probably) has taken the internet by storm!

**Also- Please tell me why every pair of pants can't have an elastic waste!! Really- what would the downside be?

New Episode - 1962

It's summer and we're all roasting in our own juices! So what could be better than a trip back in time to before global warming? We're talkin' 50 years ago: back to 1962! We're blowing the lid off what made that year memorable and reminiscing about great things that happened that year (while sidestepping the racial tension and all that).

So join us up on the roof for this nostalgia trip! It's up on itunes or you can listen in the player over on the right.

Look, it's the cartoon version of Cliff and Kendall

Never has there been a more accurate representation of us!

What Makes You Cool?

This week's show is a hard-hitting (yet laid-back and nonchalant) look at what it means to be cool. We've got it down to a science so others will be basking in your coolness in no time! Also we've got Bad Jokes and other segments you really won't want to miss! Listen to our show over to the right or download it free from itunes (all the cool kids are doing it).

Way Less Than 127 Hours

If you haven't heard the terrifyingly TRUE tale of the time when a fat podcaster got trapped in the storage closet with his fat arm pinned under a box--- then quickly move your mouse over to the right side of this page!!





Inside the player on the upper right hand side of this page you can access Cliff and Kendall: Coast 2 Coast Episode 239 - Way Less Than 127 Hours. You can download or listen here- it's up to you! Don't miss all the sporking action!!

Coffee, Coffee, Coffee!

This week's show (Episode 237 - Coffee, Coffee, Coffee) is a special rarity! It's a brand new episode that was found as Alex and Becky cleaned out our storage closet this week! We recorded it some time ago, and well, judging by the mess in the photo above- you can tell how it got misplaced!

That being said- there are no Chubby Challenge results included this week, but fortunately for those who love to laugh at failure- we return next week to see who gained the least.

Finally it's . . .

Hola everyone! It's almost MAY (oops- it's been MAY for several hours already!) and you know what that means!!  You don't??  It means summer's almost here!! And summer is a time of tire swings, lemonade, and sipping lemonade in a tire swing with Cliff and Kendall on your ipod!

We've got some great things in store for the summer! And coming next is Friday's show: this year's Cinco de Mayo show!

Play Along With Us At Home

But I guarentee the questions in this game won't be as good as ours!

Cliff and Kendall's Coast to Coast Chubby Challenge!

This week, Cliff and Kendall announced their Chubby Challenge.  Each week they will be weighing in to see who has lost the most weight leading up to their 250th episode.  The winner will produce the 250th episode in their own special way.  If Kendall wins expect magic and several quotes about it being "the gift that keeps on giving the whole year through".  If Cliff wins, expect a 2 hour retrospecticus of Barbra Streisand complete with 12 clip packages.  May the least fattest man win!

Finally

Glee From Like 2.5 Months Ago

Our periods don't come until the end of the month.

Glee From Like 3 Months Ago

"There are tons of celebrities with only one eye. Sammy Davis Jr., Columbo . . ." - Rachel

Busheltown Easter Parade!

We're live on the air color commentators at the Busheltown Easter Parade! Also we brought Bad Jokes, What the Kidz R Saying, and Things U Should Know About Easter with us in our baskets! Join us along with our special guests for comedic times and of course a few seasonal song selections! There's something about, listeners, You & I (or We). Happy Easter from Two Egg-Shaped People! On iTunes Now. Subscribe by searching Cliff and Kendall or listen by clicking on the player on the right.

Here's a couple of inspectors checking out the stability of our announcing booth. We barely passed!

Misses Pussybottom and her friends waving at us down main street.

Daylight Saving's Time!!!

Do you find yourself doing crazy things like getting tattoos in Ellen underwear!?!? Have you been resting?? Well, wake up! HERE are some tips you could have used to make today's "lose an hour" transition even easier!

In the future, remember to go to sleep 15 minutes earlier than normal the week before the time change. Also, try and schedule a vacation for that week. Then, who care when you wake up?!?!

Prop 8 the Musical!

"Prop 8 - The Musical" starring Jack Black, John C. Reilly, and many more... from Jack Black

If only we were still in school!

WASHINGTON—Finally conceding it is unrealistic to expect today's children to complete a pull-up, run a mile, or touch their toes, the President's Council on Fitness, Sports, and Nutrition announced Tuesday the new standard for winning its award would be the ability to eat a meal without breaking a sweat. "In our revised physical fitness test, a meal is placed in front of a child, and the longer he or she is able to eat without wheezing or needing to lie down, the higher the score," said executive director Shellie Pfohl, adding that children who complete the meal in the fastest amount time without shifting around in their seat to make their pants fit more comfortably will be eligible for the top medal. "We want our kids to set more pragmatic, real-world goals for themselves, and being able to run back and forth across a basketball court one time is no longer realistic." At press time, elementary school student Henry Walters was on his fourth helping of mashed potatoes as his obese classmates cheered for him to keep going.

A Muppet Talk Show

OK, Finally a talk show I might actually watch. Various websites are reporting that the Jim Henson Company is working on a talk show for BBC One in the UK, to be hosted by a new puppet character. There’s not much info yet, but the show is being called No Strings Attached, and it would involve a puppet talk show host interviewing real celebrities. Naturally, every website is calling the character a Muppet..

The announcement brings two things to mind: First, Augie & Del’s Late Night Buffet, the Henson project from a few years ago that never got off the ground… That was supposed to be a talk show hosted by two puppets. The other thing, of course, is Alf’s Hit Talk Show, which lasted for seven whole episodes on TV Land in 2004. If No Stringsmakes it to air, let’s hope it fares a little better.

Oh No- We're Not Dead!

No, we are alive! And our show is so dead it's alive!! All "kidding" aside, our show is brand new today. We've got a super secret excellent NEW show coming out on itunes today to follow up our nail-biting two parter about Simple Pleasures.

What could be better than a Saturday in February listening to Cliff and Kendall? (Don't answer that.)

You might be wondering, what does an obese internet show host do on a Saturday? Well, I'll be catching up on the following shows from this week online.

Glee

New Girl

Raising Hope

Modern Family

30 Rock

The Office

Up All Night

There was no new Parks and Recreation this week. Community has still not been rescheduled. BUT- Cougar Town is returning on Tuesday (Valentine's Night!) No, I haven't given up The Office yet, and rumors say Dwight may spin-off and Mindy Kaling (Kelly) may be getting her own show on Fox. Hopefully Dunder Mifflin will be absorbed totally into Sabre and the Scranton branch will shut its doors. And Andy will be put in prison on whatever trumped up charges you can imagine.

SPECIAL NOTE TO KENDALL: Your pal Bradley Whitford is coming to Pawnee! He'll be guesting on Parks and Recreation this season. So there's no better time to join the Leslie Knope bandwagon- you'll love it. It's basically The West Wing as a sitcom.

Life Advice

It's hard for decent people to stay angry at someone who has burst into tears, which is why it is often a good idea to burst into tears if a decent person is yelling at you. - Lemony Snicket

C'mon Karma!!!!

After watching the "okay" show Up All Night on Hulu, which is currently guest starring EARL, I decided steps must be taken. Look- he's Earling all over the screen! I am ready to get Dianetics from the library and convert to Xenuism if we can get a My Name is Earl conclusion!

Be it movie (very long-shot), tv-movie (it could happen), or straight to DVD whatever (I'll gladly settle for this!), we need some closure! Or at least I need some closure. Earl was cut short in its prime. I just want one more trip to the crab shack.