Thing You Can Do

(also file under "Thing You Can Do Instead of All the Things You Really, Really Should Be Doing-WTF Are You Thinking, Seriously!!!!")

You can watch Christmas episodes of things on Netflix (and probably other places!!) I just enjoyed the Christmas episode from season 1 of "My Name is Earl." Look how Merry Earl is!!!

There are plenty of other shows available to stream, and I know there are more Christmas episodes ripe for the watching! Off the top of my head: you can stream xmas carols from 30 Rock, Roseanne, Glee, The Office, The Wonder Years, and more!! So while there are other things you should be doing* why not merry up today instead!??!

*seriously, you dumb fat fucking moron- why are you doing this to yourself, why don't you get down to business????

Must We Eat Horses Now?

Are we that hungry?!?!??! Blorch HERE.

If my friend Flicka and Black Beauty are today's special, WTF IS NEXT?!?!?

You Take the Good, You Take the Bad . . .

Come darkness, come light . . . with the horrors of the world in full swing- grandmothers are being pepper sprayed for "Occupying" various places, the geniuses at NBC are trying to kill "Community," the sensitive artists in charge at ABC have launched an attack on "Cougar Town" and as scores of classy Americans/Nascar fans boo the first lady- we must also enjoy something good, actually Great we've been given:

A new Muppet movie!!! Seriously, America needs this you guys. If you're looking for a reason to believe in the future of mankind- look no further! And if you're gearing up for Wednesday, you may want to read THIS piece written by Whoopi Goldberg- a frequent Muppet guest star!

30 Rock Guest Stars Revealed!

Never one to shy away from guest stars, "30 Rock" (who is not to blame for the "Community" kerfuffle) has announced two guest stars for season 6!

My favorite Flight of the Conchords fan Kristen Schaal is scheduled to appear in multiple episodes of the new season!! This is the best news I can imagine right now! Maybe she can slip Bret and Jemaine in with her? Murray?

And also coming to TGS- the always easy on the eyes James Marsden. Will he date Liz Lemon? Upstage Jack's handsomeness? Ask Jenna to pose as his lover to misdirect the public from his Japanese body pillow fetish?

New Show: Pass the Pie (Thanksgiving 2011)

In the midst of sorrow, there are still good times to be had!

Let us pause to reflect upon that for which we are thankful. Belches, dingers, and Baaaad Jokes! (Our research data is unscientific). No matter what city (or couch) you're occupying- download our Thanksgiving show from itunes and blare that sucker!

We've got Bad Jokes, Things You Should Know About Thanksgiving, and a special anniversary edition of F.U.!!! Save some pie for us, and the turkey's all yours . . .

Tell NBC Not to Britta This!

To show your support for the Greendale Human Beings:

*Please help SAVE COMMUNITY by SENDING IN EVIL BEARDS, POSTCARDS, LETTERS, PURPLE PENS, PAINTBALLS, &/OR ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANT! A PETITION IS A GOOD IDEA BUT WHAT REALLY GETS THE MESSAGE ACROSS IS FLOODING THEM WITH MAIL!!*

ADDRESSES:

Steve Burke

CEO

30 Rockefeller Plaza

New York, NY 10112.

Robert Greenblatt

Chairman

3000 W. Alameda

Admin Building

Burbank, CA 91523

P.S. I do not deface Madonna lightly! This must be important!

Six Seasons and a Movie

And suddenly we are in the darkest timeline!!! NBC in their infinite wisdom has shelved "Community" beginning in January! We know this is a cruel world indeed, when shows as in-your-face sucky as "Whitney" get full season pickups and in-your-face awesome shows like "Community" and Abed's beloved "Cougar Town" are constantly in jeopardy! Abed and I have told you how awesome "Cougar Town" is, right? At least it is scheduled to return in January!! (I think!)

Head to Twitter or Facebook and let the voice of righteous indignation be heard!! Is it not bad enough that the middle classes are disappearing, unemployment is off the charts, and now NBC is so STREETS BEHIND that this happens!?!?

Have faith and believe!! And if you need serious answers and a little bit of hope- read THIS article about the possible future of our favorite study group!

P.S. HOMIE DON'T DEAN THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Look Who is 31 Today!

Can you BELIEVE Ryan Gosling is turning 31 today?!?!? How can he be almost a year older than Cliff and Kendall, while at the same time being at least 160 lbs lighter (than either of those flabbos)?

Oh well, nature moves in mysterious ways. (That's why U2 sang a song about it). But, I digress (and eat way too much). Ryan's the Hollywood star that's made us hot for drug addicted teacher in "Half Nelson" and hot for Driver in "Drive"- basically hot for whatever character he's been playing.

Happy Birthday Ryan! I'm sure you'll celebrate with 31 extra laps around something, but need I remind you that ALL 31st birthdays should be spent somewhere that has 31 flavors . . .

The Lord Giveth . . .

And in life God shall smite you with bad news on the same day as good. It's in Revelations, people!!!!

First, the Good:

Eddie Murphy is OUT as Oscar host!!! If you listen back (and why wouldn't you?) to some episode this fall, I believe we broke this story during "Hot Subjects." And nary a one of us was in favor of it! Unless he'd done the whole show as Mama Klump, I would've just been longing for James Franco to come back and "stonedly" introduce a clip package celebrating the use of window treatments in cinema classics.

If they can't get the host of Food Networks Cupcake/Halloween Wars (above), I'd bring back Ellen or Steve Martin. Kendall would shout, "Billy Crystal!" And now for the Worse Than Bad!

The Duggars are again reproducing! This is REVOLTING. I know I'm Oprah now, and I don't like judging others. BUT. The Duggars are terrible people. This is baby number 20!!!! TWENTY!

T-W-E-N-T-Y.

That poor last baby was born with many health problems, and yet CONDOMS ARE OF SATAN.

The Devil also endorses:

Pulling out

The pill (the one Loretta Lynn sang about in the 1960's!!!!)

The tying of tubes for those stout, birthin' hipped Duggar ladies

Vasectomies for any male with the last name Duggar

Right wing nutjobs who defile the teachings of Christ,

especially those who WILL NOT STOP FUCKING

How CHUBBY Are You?

Are you having trouble knowing whether you're overweight or not? If so, tune into the Fox network's "New Girl" starring Zooey Deschanel. In it, the offbeat titular character moves into an apartment with three "dudes." One of the dudes is "hot but vain", one is "black", and one (the one above) is "chubby." Yes America, this is chubby now!!

Now I admit, it was adorable when the New Girl described the flabby character's huge protruding gut as "where he stores his extra cookies." BUT then I had a good look at him and realized I'd have to have gastric bypass several times in order to achieve a pooch so slight as the one on the TV-Fatso. Why, I bet he eats upwards of 1,200 calories a day!

If the producers of "New Girl" are looking for a pair of dudes who maybe are about to die from morbid obesity, or maybe have grown into their sofas- let me suggest two HUGE DISGUSTING podcast hosts!!! (Pictured above in all their un-glory).

The Devil Made Him Suck It

Click HERE to read an article about some sad gay "activists" who got a bee in their bedazzled bonnets when some holy man suggested that maybe THE DEVIL was to blame for dudes being into other dudes' disco sticks.

Why is this upsetting? It's TRUE!! LOOK at the Devil up there! You don't want to see what his brimstone tastes like? C'mon! No benevolent deity could create something so fiendishly HOT.

All I can say is- if it's true: HAIL SATAN.

Happy Birthday Roseanne!

Today is the 59th birthday of my idol: Roseanne Barr! She's out there telling it like it is and like it should be! I hope I am half as awesome when I'm 59 (if I'm 59, which I probably will never be).

I hope she finds a way to bring her nuts to our homes and back to TV!

Tell the People

Sometimes it is entirely appropriate to wear a t-shirt that eliminates any question as to how you really feel on the inside.